Bullshit Rantings

Or in other words; The Curse of February Is Upon Us.

I woke up today feeling angry and annoyed about something at work, feeling a little bit frustrated with those emotions because I also knew I couldn’t vent at the guy who was the source of my consternation because he’s a subordinate. Before I left for work, 3T and I said a prayer. Then, as I drove to work, I was extra careful as I cursed how unseasonably cold it was out here in the desert.

Yes, it’s February, the really cruelest month.  Forget what the poet T.S. Ellliott said about April being the cruelest; February has it beat hands down.

If you’re a longtime reader of my bride’s blog, you know she’s written extensively in the past about this cursed month.

When we first married, I used to smile at her hyper-superstitious attitude toward February, especially, but not exclusively, Valentine’s Day. Yes, she told me how her ex, when they were married, wrecked his car in a head-on collision running to get flowers because he forgot Valentine’s Day. I said yes, that was bad luck. But I also thought that was typical of his near legendary absent-mindedness and refusal to plan even an hour ahead.

But over time, I have learned first-hand the February curse.

Lets see, just two years ago, the love of my life was wracked with pain from a bulging disc, and it took us weeks to find a cure. Though that started in January, it continued well into February, and was compounded by our former family physician’s initial refusal to even believe that she was suffering. The x-rays convinced him, but I still can’t understand why that hack wasn’t moved by her anguish.

Then, of course, came February 2006, the month I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I won’t go into all the gory details, all the grueling tests I underwent, to say nothing of the hack job my surgeon did that almost put me at death’s door. Yes, all that occurred over the course of four months, but it started in February.

And I am now a believer in the February Curse.

Yes, there have been some memorable moments 3T and I have shared in February. One that comes to mind was our trip last year to Blush, a fundraising effort put on by some groups that assist AIDS victims. It was a hoot, and a lovely time. And we’ve had our own special, private moments. Not even February can rob us of them.

Still, nothing like seeing one’s spouse writhing in pain without end or being told you have cancer that affects your manhood to dim one’s view of the month these things occur.

In some ways, I should have known better about this month from the start. When I lived back in the northeast, February pretty much marked the beginning of a dark depression that enveloped me until April. That was completely attributable to the miserable winters that are an annual event back there. Winters I never ever miss since I moved to the desert in 1999. Winters that bit your skin like a hundred mosquitoes. Winters that posed a danger just about anytime you were driving. Winters that enveloped everyone with so much darkness that you felt a kinship with Eskimos. Winters I will never ever be near again.

Unfortunately, the only way we cannot be near February again is a bit too stark of an alternative to suffering through it. I don’t want to be dead, in other words. So I and my bride will just endure, fists and teeth clenched, hoping for the best and expecting something less than. We’ll keep one eye on the calendar as February draws closer and closer to an end. And most of all, we’ll do our damndest to make love and laughter an antidote to this most wretched of all months.

Yes Dad, I’ve made another believer in The Curse of February. So much so, that we do not, nor shall we ever acknowledge Valentines Day, in any way, shape or form. Take THAT! Hallmark!

Our Best to Everyone, this most cursed of all months.

Kevin & Teri

Son-of-a-blankety-blank-blank-blank! Where did this last week go? This wasn’t a week with any significant events or activities, just the daily routine, a head cold, and catching up on....what? I’m going to chalk it up to adjusting post-Holidays.

This weekend will be all about working on and finishing up the thank-you notes to those who thought of us this holiday Season. Well, this is what we’ll be doing in between football games. It seems my devoted husband has taken my written blessing (an old post) on him watching his favorite sport seriously.  So be it. I think I can find ways to occupy myself that don’t include watching back-to-back football games. (This is NOT whining, just my attempt at a little lighthearted ribbing and humor directed at the hubby)

We will be going to the Phoenix Home Show, to get ideas on redoing our desert landscape in the front yard. Kevin has found a place to fit this in prior to the start of one of the many games he’ll be watching. As well as taking 3TSTAXI (aka; Teri’s Taupe Toyota) in for its very first tune-up.

I resent these yearly tune-ups. Seriously. You buy a brand new vehicle, that comes with a decent size monthly payment. One does this, knowing that car repairs are practically nil, and that dependability is at its best. BUT, annually, in order to maintain your parts and repairs insurance, you must take your relatively new vehicle in and spend an average of $300 to $500 to “tune-it-up?” This reeks of a scam if you ask me. And a waste of perfectly good rat-holed money taken from you against your will. 3TSTAXI has less than 8,000 miles on it, (I’ve had this vehicle since October 2005, although it’s a 2006 model. That’s VERY low miles people!) and has had her oil changed religiously on schedule. She does NOT need a so-called tune-up. Rat-bastard car lot thieves dealers!

But overall, I’m looking forward to a weekend sans kids, but with the hubby. Kidless weekends always go by far too fast. Since I don’t know where the week went, I’ve no doubt the weekend will fly by as well.

And that you’ll be seeing another post over the weekend, since I’ll be the proverbial football widow with plenty of time on my hands. (I secretly love this on occasion, though I won’t tell the husband that)

I hope that you have an enjoyable weekend, whatever is on the agenda.

Love,

3T

It’s the low buzz of tension building that started when the calendar hit December 1st.  The ultimate countdown has begun. I have two weeks to get the Washington Christmas gift box shopped for and shipped out, and to decide what we will be getting for the relatives back east. It’s agony trying to decipher what would be an appropriate gift for family, that lets face; we don’t know well enough, or know enough about their day-to-day existence to adequately pick out a Christmas gift that will be seen as either useful, practical or appropriate.

Never mind that there are only so many Christmas dollars available per paycheck. Which means prioritizing gift purchasing based on when the packages need to arrive at each geographical location. It takes finesse and intricate planning to pull this feat off each and every Christmas Season.

The easiest on the gift purchasing list will be my children of course. I make each child write out a Christmas wish-list; making a point to emphasize that I need a list with a wide dollar range. Reminding the youngest, that yes, it’s only your parents who will be crazy enough to buy you an item at a dollar range of $100.00 or more. I need cheap wish-list items!

For me, I have always felt Christmas was a time to say, “I love you” with a gift. Unfortunately I feel the love for a long list of family and friends. That list stretches far longer than the Christmas gift budget does. A conundrum that will last right up until Christmas Eve.

This is the month where I have always wished I had an artistic talent that I could put to use, creating Christmas gifts! There’s no use crying over a lack of artistic talent.

So at this point, I thought I would ask the readers here for ideas on Christmas gift-giving that doesn’t break the bank, but communicates “I love you and thought of you this Holiday Season.” Keeping in mind the time crunch, and the lack or artistic talent on my part, any ideas?  Come on folks, I’m feeling the tension of time ticking away far too fast!

“Help me?” (She said, in her best little-girl-whiny-voice)

Love,

3T

Let me start by saying, I realize my “typical blogger behavior” has changed over the last few months. I comment far less on the wonderful blogs in my blogroll, and make it around less often as well. This by no means is a reflection on my attitude towards the wonderful people behind each blogrolled blog. If you’re there, it’s cuz I love ya!

I’m aware I post less often than I have in the past as well. This has been out of a necessity to prioritize what’s going on in my day-to-day world, and has cut into my blogging time. Gone (for the time being) is my methodical descent down my blogroll, diligently reading each and everyone and commenting consistently.

So now I’m going to try and explain myself, even if it is only for my own benefit.

1. The kids’ schedules have been far more demanding than in the first year I started blogging. Both rugrats’ schedules were made up of new adjustments, with Tayler starting Jr. High School and Riley starting his first year of 5th grade, known for its over-abundance of homework. As well as the realization that Riley is ADD (a post in and of itself, coming soon) and working on getting him the proper treatment, so that he can succeed in school.

2. Medical problems that have been consuming, both for my handsome husband and myself. Dealing with his cancer and subsequent surgery, as well as some medical problems I have been having; as simple as this sounds, the doctors’ appts and decisions we make are not the only aspects eating up time and energy. The irony, which is not lost on either of us, is that the problems we are having are directly tied to our sense of masculinity and femininity respectively. Aka; prostate surgery and breast tumors.

3. My oldest and the break-up of him and his fiancee, again there are problems here that go far deeper than the canceling of their wedding.

4. My parents are having problems that I’m not at liberty to discuss here. The implications of these problems, again have far-reaching effects.

5. My husband’s job and the change in his title have us going out to events tied to his job every weekend (and weekdays) lately. Although this may sound fun, as far as putting on a ball gown and tux and snapping a few pictures, it has upset the balance of day-to-day and family life.

Now add household chores and upkeep, rugrat Birthday celebrations and the planning for Holidays. Couple that with the fact that I am indeed a neurotic control freak with an abundance of over-emotional energy. What you are left with is a perimenopausal, cranky broad, taking each responsibility one hour at a time.
Button lifted from Chelle-Belle.

And then I sit down to blog. The results are anything but desirable. I find my attitude toward blogging has slipped to anything but euphoric. I could dump all of my negative feelings here, and started to, with my post cussing out the doctor who gave me a less than definitive diagnostic result on the ultrasound. But then I have readers; distant family, who will read into the negative emotions I dump here, and make less than accurate assumptions regarding mine and my husband’s lives.(Although I remind myself that this is not my problem)

This is a good time to define what this blog (Stumbling/Grace) is. This is my personal diary, with the added flair of being open to the public. I’m not going to bother trying to explain the “whys” behind having a diary that is public, other then to say I have met some positively wonderful and close friends through blogging. I enjoy writing and trying to work out my thoughts and feelings through this medium, and getting others’ perspectives on different situations in life.

The flip side of the diary coin is that readers will not always see our lives in all it’s dimensions. Only what is put here. For example; if you’ve read this diary for any length of time, you realize I always make a big deal out of Birthdays. I love parties and the whole party attitude and celebrating the birth of those we care about is the perfect reason for a party or celebration! But after 22 mos. of blogging, you have yet to see a fuss about Kevin’s Birthday. WHY? He prefers it this way.

Long ago he made it clear that he does not want attention drawn to his Birthday. Some of his reasons I completely understand. Most people who blog, won’t understand. As we get older we run the risk of age discrimination, particularly in the workforce. I understand my husband’s concerns and I honor his wishes. Although this doesn’t mean I don’t make a complete fuss over him in our home and with our kids, you’re not going to learn this from reading Stumbling/Grace. This is just one example of reading a personal diary that doesn’t always present a complete picture.

Some of the photos I put here and in the flickr photo album may give another dimension that is not completely accurate. Often you’ll see a champagne glass in my hand or a cosmo glass. One photo I put up here for a guest post by Kevin, he was holding a Cosmo glass and the photo of myself during this time also was holding one. We had one drink between the two of us, and held the ONE glass for each picture. We don’t drink during the week, or even on every weekend. But when we are celebrating or socializing we may have a drink, or on occasion two, and during these occasions photos are taken. If you were to judge our life on our photos, you would think it was one big party, and you would be wrong.

I guess what I’m saying in a very round-about way, going up one side of it and down the other, is making judgments based solely upon a diary is not going to be accurate. A point that had me slightly disillusioned with this hobby. A point that after this post, I’m not going to bother to define again.

Another disillusionment has been with people out on the internet in general. OK, I’m going to get specific here. The “My-Space” bloggers. What is it with these people anyway? I consider myself pretty much computer illiterate, and even I know if you want an image to display you must (or should) download it and host it somewhere. You don’t copy and past it to your page and “steal” bandwidth to display it. And if you use one of the photos that I have taken, you should seek permission to use it. To “take” someone’s personal photos and then use that person’s bandwidth to display it, is more than stupid. I’m going to suggest that this group of people are in the moron category. I average at least two “My-Spacers” a week stealing bandwidth by using the images I display on this blog. And yes, I have even seen my personal photos taken and displayed as their own, WHILE stealing the bandwidth from this blog! Although the amount of bandwidth used is minimal, it is the principle of it that pisses me off!

OK, so here’s my point: With all that has been occurring in my day-to-day life that keeps challenging my sanity and time management, handling these irritations in blogging has just been too much. Possibly my attitude is less than stellar to begin with, but dealing with rude and self-centered people on the internet has taken the shine off of blogging right now.

We all deal with the indifference of other people in our lives. From rude to downright dangerous drivers on the road to the pissy cashier or school office receptionist, it’s constant and wears your attitude down. Coming here, where I have idealized the people behind the blogs, to only run across more of the same rude indifference and those unaware of anyone else’s boundaries other than their own, has had me coming here less.

This isn’t a reflection on ANYONE in my blogroll. I truly love each of you, and for many and varied reasons. I’m hoping that as pressure lets off from my personal life, my attitude will improve all around. As a person who tends to move within phases, I’m confident that eventually I’ll find the joy of blogging I once had. Until then, my TBB will be sporadic. Although I may not comment, it doesn’t mean I’m not lurking in the shadows on occasion, keeping up with all of the people I enjoy reading.

Love,

3T

I dislike Mondays. I’d say I hate Mondays except that seems a bit harsh. I just woke up from a 2-hour mid-day nap, brought on by a smoke detector that went off more than a couple of times in the night. The battery was dead and/or dying and let us know starting at midnight, obnoxiously and loudly. No fire, although we didn’t know that when we woke up!

I thought of the X about that time. Since he was the one that insisted that smoke detectors be placed in the children’s rooms even though there was one outside their bedroom doors in the hallway. So insistent was he, that he went out and picked up these particularly obnoxious smoke detectors, that instead of making the periodic chirping noise when the batteries needed replaced, let out a loud and obnoxious three-beat screaming alarm! God Bless his pointy little head! (ad sarcasm) I’ll get my revenge, I’m just not sure how right now. Maybe some loud obnoxious toy that gets sent home to Dad’s house. Or something like that.

Getting up at 5:00 AM probably aided to the mid-day nap too. I know I haven’t answered my own question on friendship yet. I will, soon I think. But follow-thru always has been a weak attribute for me. Soon. Although probably not tomorrow since I’m having lunch and doin’ a little shopping with Rachel.

If you have any ideas for a passive aggressive way to get revenge on my X, I’m all ears!

I SWEAR the Republicans won’t be happy until there are only the very, very rich and the very, very poor! I’m sorry, and I know I’m not a political blog, nor do I know enough in this area to speak with any sense of authority. But this is just one more step down for a lot of people! Who even with their tips, most of the time barely make enough to make ends meet!!

My best friend for almost 20 years waitresses and has for almost all that time. She raised her daughter by herself, with many of those years not receiving a penny in child support. It’s because of those tips, and the meager minimum wage that she was able to do so!! It doesn’t take an eff-ing rocket scientist to see this is just another step in degrading this country into the “haves” and the “have-nots.”

WHEN are we going to stand up as a Nation and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! To those who believe themselves to be good little Republicans, because at the moment your job is safe and comfortable, DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH. YOUR turn will come as soon as they have the working poor exactly where they want them. The only true Republicans are those who make millions in profits each year! The rest of us have been duped, and bought their holier-than-thou line of bullshit cloaked by “we’re the Christian party, and if you’re a Christian you must vote for us.” And the Corporations eat up as much profit they can from slicing AND dicing health benefits and pension plans and a LIVING WAGE.

For God’s sake! Do you really think they will stop this sublte and sometimes not-so-subtle STEALING from their own people???!!! A good deal of our Politicians ARE the Corporations, and they are sucking the people of this Nation dry, little by little.  It really is past time to wake up and put a stop to this legalized HIGHWAY ROBBERY.

In my opinion, they are theives, the lot of them!

From the AP

WASHINGTON (AP) Tip money earned by waitresses in Las Vegas, manicurists
in Hollywood and bartenders in Seattle is on the table in the nation’s
capital, as lawmakers scrap over an election-year minimum wage bill.
Nevada, California and Washington are among seven states where workers get
to keep their tips on top of getting paid their state’s full minimum wage.
In other states, tip-earning workers get paid less and make up the
difference with tips.
A provision in GOP-written minimum wage legislation passed by the House
and under consideration this week by the Senate could change the law in
those seven states, the others are Montana, Alaska, Minnesota and Oregon.
It would deal a pay cut of $3 or more an hour to thousands of waiters,
bellhops and hairdressers in those states, according to Democrats and labor
groups.
“Everything that has been achieved in seven states to support low-wage
workers who earn tips is destroyed by this bill,” said Sen. Dianne
Feinstein, D-Calif. “This bill would slash the salaries of thousands of
workers.”

Dear BITTER TROLL;

Drunk-dialing my cell phone at 1:25 AM in the morning, because you no longer have HIS, really serves no purpose. Well it did serve one; to remind me to turn it OFF when we go to bed at night. I ignored the last time you drunk dialed at 2:55 AM one morning, seeing it as pathetic and sad. But now, you’re starting to piss me off.

Part of me very much wants to print your full name and where you work with a reference to the 4-part series of the Hell you helped put us through. But I’ll save us both any more drama by turning off the cell. And give you the same piece of advice I gave you long ago.

FIND A GOOD SHRINK, and move on with your life! It’s slipping away rather fast, taking into account your age. You need not worry about Kevin, I take very good care of him. As he does me.

One more time, and do read this slowly. YOU. ARE. NO. LONGER. PART. OF. HIS. LIFE. NOR. WILL. YOU. EVER. BE. Now quit living in the past, and move on.

Conversation on the drive into school:

Me: You know Riley, we have an appointment with the principal, to discuss whether he feels you should be held back in 4th grade, or whether you have learned enough to move on.

Riley: I don’t need to be held back. I’m in Kumon, and am going to summer school this year. I WANT to go to summer school!

Me: You haven’t wanted to go in the past, what’s changed?

Riley: There are a lot of cute dumb blondes that go to summer school.

Me: What?!

Riley: *smirk*

Tayler: They just call me dumb blonde in my class.

sidenote: I don’t tell blonde jokes. Neither does my husband or X. Tayler has straight A’s.Why does she say this like it’s a badge of honor? Where the HELL do they come up with this stuff?

Dear MSN Hotmail:

Your service sucks ass! I pay for all this extra storage, and since I became a PAYING customer the service has gotten WORSE!!! This morning, I know for a fact that I have four missing emails, that were sent by 6:30 AM! Where are they? Yesterday I received an email that was sent by a friend twice, before it got to me the third time.

I have a g-mail, I don’t need hotmail. I have an ISP email. With this much competition, you would think that you would want to provide good service. So to whom it may concern: My g-mail account will be my primary account now. (Thanks DB)

Day Two:

Even though I was awakened at 1:25 AM by a drunk dialer, we still managed to get up at 4:45 AM and hit the pavement for our morning walk. Something tells me I will be in bed at the same time the kids go down tonight.

Is it bedtime yet?