And this week was one helluva semester final! I’m not sure I understand all the nuances involved. Each of us walked away from the lesson with our heads spinning and trying to grasp the lessons each of us struggled with.

It started out on a calm Thursday morning. The hubby was off to work, the kids were corraled and taxied to school, and I came home to veg on the computer a little bit. The phone rang. Anyone who knows me knows I detest the phone. My reasons are many. The least of which is I resent that ring from dictating what I do at any given moment. My rebellious nature has been channeled into NOT picking up the phone when I’m busy, stressed, sick, tired, cranky, flustered with daily activities that is life with teenagers and their many friends who call. And call and call and call. I find myself playing secretary to Riley’s social life.

There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for Riley, Tayler or Robby. But playing secretary to their social lives is a pet peeve. Consequently, I find myself for the most part ignoring that ring more times than not. Much to the chagrin of my teens who feel that I should alert them with messages, and stop what I’m doing all day to answer their calls. This became much easier when Tayler received her own cell phone, and handled her own calls.

Riley, on the other hand, my new teenager who just started Junior High this year, is a different story. Not nearly ready for the responsibility that comes with carrying those life dictators known as cell phones. Thus I find my land line and even MY cell phone ringing for my youngest. Who up until Thursday afternoon usually has his head covered with ear phones as he plays one war game after another, online with other testosterone-ridden teens with the foulest potty mouths known to mankind.  I’m not going to blame what Riley did on his video games; but I can’t help but think that when you swim in shit, you’re going to come out covered in shit!

I’m not quite sure why I picked up that call that rang around 9:00 AM, but I did. Not recognizing the number, but seeing it as a local call, I picked it up. It was none other than Riley and Tayler’s Principal from their school. Again, anyone who has read me from the beginning knows I struggle with the varied escapades of my youngest. From kindergarten on, Riley has a knack for stepping into shit, also known as getting himself into trouble with his peers, teachers and inevitably the Principal of his school.

So when Principal B (Principal A is from elementary school and was someone we saw more than I see my relatives) called and announced who he was, I was calm as I waited to hear what Riley’s latest miss step involved. I admit to being thrown by what my sweet baby has managed to do this time. Which leads me to my latest lesson. Jr. High kids have no business going to school along side their peers of the opposite sex. From Jr. High through H. S. these adults to be should be segregated by their gender.

It seems that Riley had decided to seek revenge on his last “X-girlfriend” after she unceremoniously dumped him, and told him she only went out with him as a joke. She set him up, due to being a best friend with Riley’s previous “X-girlfriend,” whom he had managed to treat shabbily when he dumped her. As I write this, my thought is this is nuts! All this drama and angst that surrounded these kids in changing bodies and raging hormones. All of which could be avoided with the sexes seggregated.

One of Riley’s parting statements to (we’ll call her Delilah, for privacy and my insinuation regarding said little girl.) Delilah was, “I’m going to make your seventh grade year miserable for you.” And that is exactly what my focused offspring did for the last three weeks. I’ve raised my sons to understand and respect that you do not ever hit girls, for any reason. EVER. What I had managed to not get across is there are many forms of abuse and treating girls poorly, that doesn’t include physical violence.

For three weeks, he would get into her face and yell “loser” “freak” and a few reminders that yes he intended to make seventh grade miserable for her. He enlisted the help of a few buddies. Whenever he got wind that she liked another boy, he interfered with mean diatribe, name calling and turning his friends against her. He intercepted notes she would send to other boys (in the one and only class they shared together) and would read and keep them. Then he set out to make sure that boy would have nothing to do with her.

As anyone could predict, Delilah hit her limit with Riley’s harassment. And with Mom and tears went to the Principal. At this point, had this been my daughter who came home in tears over the harassment a 5’10” shaving boy had inflicted on her, I would be headed to school, gunning for bear!

That it was my son who caused this left me shocked, hurt, ashamed and bewildered. As the Principal unfolded this angst filled saga that had been going on for three weeks, I felt sicker and sicker. When I was informed that the on-site police officer would be handed the statements of all the kids involved, to see if he would pursue a criminal investigation, I could have just as easily spontaneously combusted on the spot. This wasn’t a school yard altercation, it was possibly a harassment charge, bordering on stalking.

I am thankful to Delilah’s mother, who had talked with the police officer and felt that pursuing a criminal investigation wasn’t necessary. She hoped that Riley learned from this incident, and just wanted her young daughter left alone. Having met Riley when he went to her daughter’s Birthday party, and knowing that he was well behaved, polite and kind to her daughter, as well as giving her lovely Birthday presents, I like to believe she knew Riley could learn from this without the added stigma of a harassment charge.

By the end of Thursday, I had literally spent hours on the detested phone, three times with the Principal and once with the police officer handling the situation. Although he wasn’t being charged, this was my first time as a parent (and prayerfully the last) having to deal with the police regarding one of my kids. As a parent, I’d have to say this was one of my worst days, as a parent.

On a side note; between the stress of the situation and my nerves being rattled to the core, the pain and exhaustion of Fibro set in as well.

My reasons for telling this story have more to do with Riley and his behavior. As we get ready to head into October, also known as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I see this as a valuable lesson for parents raising sons, who hopefully will come away from childhood with a healthy and respectful attitude towards women. My main “ah-ha” moment was understanding and instructing my young son that there was far more to respect and kindness towards women than just not hitting them. Trying to teach him the mental and emotional harassment is just (or can be) as damaging as physical violence. Actually this was an opportunity for all three of his parents to wake up and realize we had much more instructing and directing of Riley and the paths he chooses to take, than what has been done.

Part Two: CONSEQUENCES

Tayler put this together on YouTube. It’s from Robby’s and Cheryl’s Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Party at our house. Not sure if this is going to work, but wanted to try since she went through the effort of putting it together. Now I just need her to teach me how to do this!

Today is my baby’s 13th Birthday. Happy Birthday to Riley, who officially becomes a teenager today! Saturday will see the house turned upside down with 13 boys swimming, playing and eating, in celebration of his Birthday.I can’t believe he’s 13 already.
I love you Riley!
Mom

3:00 AM and I’m wide awake. Having fell asleep earlier in the evening, one episode of cat versus kitten bickering and here I am.

I sat out on the back patio, just listening to the rain fall gently and smelling the freshness in the air. Some blessings do come in the middle of a dark night, alone, with everyone sleeping.

That, and I don’t think I’ve recuperated from the sleep schedule kept while in Vegas. A special time I know I will remember always.

Paul and I met my Dad in Vegas, to surprise my brother and nephew who were there to be part of a convention. Gregory, my nephew received the opportunity to do demonstrations on a “vert” ramp with his skateboard, throughout the three day convention. Watching him work his magic on his skateboard was nothing short of amazing! What those kids can do seems impossible. I was very proud of him!
When we surprised them at their hotel.

The time spent with my father and my brother is precious to me as well. We laughed, we played, and yes we did some drinking. In the end, the three of us came away with new matching tats. administered after a few drinks.  (Although I still assessed their sterile techniques and made sure they met with osha regulations as far as any chance for cross contamination.) Always the germ freak.

Paul and I went to Vegas two days prior to my family members arriving and were able to go see the show, Zumanity. Which I highly recommend to those over the age of 21. Part of the Cirque du soleil shows, the acrobatics and dancing were phenominal, although done in very few articles of clothing. Very engaging, funny and sexy.

We hit the Tournament of Kings show at the Excaliber with Gregory and his buddy who was part of the Convention Pro Riders demo. We all enjoyed it, although I kept having flahsbacks to Cable Guy and the Tournament of Kings in that movie. (I loved that silly dark comedy)

I’m just thrilled with the memories we were able to make with my nephew, brother and Dad. I’ll cherish those fun, amazing and laughter filled days always.

And still I’m no closer to sleep. I’m off to see if the blessings are still on my patio. Doesn’t look like I’ll be going back to bed tonight.

Love,

Teri

We signed the adoption papers today and picked them up. One’s a darling boy and a precious little girl. We are excited to have them as part of our family. Unfortunately Smokey the cat isn’t real thrilled about the new additions. The jealousy has been oozing from him, since we got them. It may take a couple of months for him to adjust, but eventually I think he will. If not, it’s off to the kitty doctor for some kitty tranquilizers. He is already quite high-strung, so that wouldn’t be such a bad idea anyway.

Here is a photo of our new babies. The black kitten is the girl, and Tayler named her Bella. The grey big one, Bella’s brother, and the biggest one in the liter, is none other than Mr. Big. Most likely to become plain ol’ Big with time.

In some other good news, Paul’s last two radiation treatments are tomorrow! He has one at 6:00 AM and then again at 5:30 PM. His energy levels have made it harder this week. But he has perservered, never swaying in his hours at work. In celebration, we’re dropping the new babies off with a friend for the week. Rachel has generously agreed to check on Smokey a couple of times while we are away. And then, Paul and I are taking off for the San Diego Beaches for the week!

It couldn’t come at a better time! A week of laying on the Beach, catching up on reading, and nothing more stressful than where we’re going to eat. As the kids are off in Washington at Bible camp, this was the perfect opportunity to sneek away, just the two of us! He doesn’t know it yet, but I plan on (gently) jumping his bones as soon as I get his butt in that hotel room! Ssshhhh. It’s a secret. So when you’re done vomiting at the thought of middle-aged sex, keep it a secret. And don’t worry, I plan on doing most of the work!

So to friends one and all, I wish you a wonderful weekend and upcoming week as well. I will be taking my copy of Moose by Stephanie Klein, and finishing it on the beach. I love her writing, and if I didn’t spend half the time I do on this computer, I would have finished it by now. Paul picked up three mystery, crime, killing crap books to read too. (I’m joking. About the books being crap) Sorry. My humor is so dry, it doesn’t qualify as humor. I’m OK with that!

INSURANCE RANT
I do have to say, I don’t know how most people afford these treatments! Even with insurance, the price is outrageous, and it will take us more than a couple of months of playing the catch-up game, thanks to this treatment. Seems like adding insult to injury to me. First, they tell you that you have cancer. Then they tell you that taking out the prostate surgically will be the best shot at getting rid of it. Then, TA-DA! Nope, you still have cancer, and need radiation treatments for a couple of months. Every day of the week, except weekends. At close to $100 a treatment. That’s just what we owe them! Not including what the insurance covers. The insurance of course, mid treatments decides that this is not therapy but diagnostic. Why? Because it is a form of X-ray. (They pay less that way) Having worked in a hospital for a decade, and talking to a few people in medical insurance claims and medical staff, not one could believe the stretch they’re pulling on this one! I really can’t understand how healthcare has become so out of reach in price, and the insurance companies get to decide what they will or won’t pay. I don’t usuually talk about money on my blog, but the injustice in this system that is America’s healthcare is jaw dropping. My prayers go out to some friends that are dealing with this right now, as well as anyone who has the misfortune to get cancer, or sick in this country. I honestly have never been more shocked. And trust me I’ve seen some shocking things in my time. Partcipated in a few while I was at it.

Ok, I’ll quit whining.If I allow myself to feel the anger and rage at both the healthcare system and the insurance companies that try their best to rule them....I can’t. But on that note, may I say, that having a healthcare provider insinuate that they will possibly stop treatment, if we didn’t pay the huge gap between what the insurance decided to pay and what they were led to believe was paid for treatments; that brought me to my truly jaded attitude. We were making hefty payments as it was. Every. single. day. It really breaks my heart to think of what happens if God forbid you’re without insurance, or just barely make enough to pay the bills.

OK, I’m done babbling for now. The computer withdrawals should be over by the time we hit San Diego tomorrow night. But just in case, I am smuggling my laptop with me. Another secret.

Love,

3T

I haven’t posted in ages, and felt the urge to write, so here I am.
Paul
Paul starts his 4th week of radiation therapy for the prostate cancer, and so far the side effects have been minimal. For those praying, please keep it up. I feel, and he feels, that prayers are carrying him. He’s still putting in as many hours as ever at work; this has not slowed him down externally. (Thank you, God!)

Riley
My just-graduated-from-6th-grade, 5’10”, shaving 12-year-old has started having dreams, in Instant Messaging text. Should I be concerned? Knock him off of that damn X-Box Live more often? He told me he woke up from a dream where he became the god of the cucumbers after he fought a big giant JK (which he informs me means “just kidding” in text messaging. Yes I knew this, but I didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought, as he layed out his “cool dream” for me.). The JK flashed before him and he accepted the challenge. He defeated the JK, which left him as the god of cucumbers. I’m summing up a dream he spent 20 minutes telling me about. Oh, and now, he’s thinking of writing a book about it. Hey, if it gets Riley practicing his writing, I’m not particular of the topic he chooses.

Tayler
The kids have finished up the school year with Tayler being accepted into advanced classes in Literature and Social Studies. She has a summer reading list, and the first book she chose was Whuthering Heights. We picked up two copies, and I’m going to read it with her, and have discussions about what we read each day.

Summer
We are putting both Tayler and Riley on a plane alone for the first time EVER. They want to go to Bible Camp with their cousins in Washington State, and have wanted this since we moved to Arizona. I’m more than a little neurotically concerned. But the desire to do this has been there for years, and I have kept putting them off. The “you’re too young” excuse is gone, and unless I can come up with a feasible reason not to.....

Paul is going to take a week off while they are away, and just plan an Arizona road trip for us to see more of this glorious desert state. This will be a relaxing trip for the two of us, and a chance to capture moments and nature on my camera.

Robby & Cheryl
The newlyweds have settled into their love nest in Gilbert. They have Tayler and Riley over practically one night every other weekend. The kids love their new sister-in-law, and she is awesome with them! Cheryl I know is the woman that Tayler looks up to. Or sees as someone whom she would like to emulate. Ten years ago, that might have bothered me; but I’m Mom, that’s my role. (And frankly, the least she’s like me, the better off her future will be, considering my many mistakes of youth.) Cheryl is beautiful, kind hearted, smart and got that damn college degree. My biggest regret and the one thing I want for my kids is the best start in life they can get. That degree is that start in my mind, and the end of my job as solely a parent. I have a tough time with wanting to relate to them as friends, and realizing I have to be a parent first. Tayler makes it tougher, because of just how responsible, confident and smart she is. I run the risk of allowing her to take on more than her age, no matter how smart she is, can handle.

Me
I’m in a funk. I don’t know if it’s because everything we did for months was building up to the kids’ wedding, and the family that came down from Washington, or...??? I’m so ruled by my emotions and lately I have felt a little emotionless. Just day-to-day living, possibly a little holding of the breath, until we knew how radiation was going to affect Paul.

My “rugrats,” as I affectionately referred to them for so long, are not rugrats any more. They are teenagers (or close to it) and becoming more self-sufficient by the day.

My husband works long hours in his job, and as our “Season” has ended here, we don’t have much going on that we have to attend. I don’t feel like I’m working towards anything right now. I feel a little lost, and not needed. I know that isn’t necessarily true; but as a beloved author once said, “feelings don’t know right from wrong, they just are.”

Right now we’re in a holding pattern until Paul’s radiation therapy is over. So without school activities to run back and forth to, no “work events” to attend and we’re not planning any big vacations this year, I’m not looking towards anything. I find myself antsy and my attention span short.

On top of this, Riley just popped his head into the computer room and asked me what my goals in life were. Ummm, hmmm. I stared at him blankly, and then he provided me with an out by saying, “you want to be a photographer don’t you?” OK? Yes! That’s it. I figure he will have intellectually passed me up by the end of Jr. High, if not sooner. I’d like to say that was a joke, but…

I’m hoping this latest emotionless-phase comes to an end soon. As well as this antsy, can’t sit still and concentrate phase.

I’m off to find out why my son, who doesn’t normally have any questions for me beyond what’s for dinner, asked me that out-of-no-where question.

Love,

3T

I think we could all use a little self- pep-talk in the mirror on occasion. If you can love yourself, you can love others. This is totally adorable, OK, and it made me laugh some as well. Stephanie Klein will be coming out with her new book, very, very soon! Titled Moose: Memoir of Fat Camp after reading Straight up and Dirty I’ve already oredered my copy through Amazon.

This was my first time trying to get a video up without the help of my tech-savy daughter. So it may or may not work. Finger’s crossed.

Love,
3T

Sh*t! And here I thought I had cleaned up my potty mouth. At least I started putting that cute little * in place of a letter in the cuss word. Taking into consideration that one of my categories IS a cuss word, I guess it could be worse. I urge all my friends to try this! Please! One of you has to have a higher score than me.

I lifted this off of my good friend Allen’s blog. Of course I’m wishing that I’d left well enough alone. You can take the girl out of redneck country, butcha can’t take the redneck out of the girl! (Please remember that the definition of “redneck” for me is probably far different than your version. Or any official one. I make the rules here)

Created by OnePlusYou

Love,

3T (and her filthy potty-mouth)