Sometimes I wonder if I don’t sabotage my efforts at being organized and completing all that I would like to complete. I find myself procrastinating on just about everything that I do, and always manage to run late due to this annoying habit.

I know my schedule is no more (probably less) than anyone else’s but still I find myself running at break neck speed to be here or there, or get this or that done. I could psychoanalyze the shit out of this, and still I come up blank.

I’m sitting here writing this while I should be in the shower, getting ready for what I admit was supposed to be a more than normal hectic day.

We have yet another cocktail party to attend this evening. My attitude leaves a lot to be desired. I know I will pull out my social hat at the last minute, and we will go and smile and visit and put in the appearance. The amount of time we’ll spend there will be far less than the amount of time I’ll dump into getting ready. (Teri thy name is vanity)

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s the middle of the week. Or that it is yet again tied to my husband’s job. A job that admittedly provides well for our lifestyle. He has given me permission to flake on this one tonight, if I don’t get everything I want to get done, done. I feel like we need to show up, as all of his bosses will be there, as well as those in the community that it would bode well for him to network with. I’ll be a good wife and prepare accordingly.

This Thursday is my appt. for the biopsies on the two masses in my left breast. I don’t believe I’m worried per se, although the thought of those needles still make me queasy; I’ll be going in prepared. Translation: 10 mg of valium and a 10 mg percocet. (For pharmacy sticklers its 10mg/325mg percocet) My homegirls wanted to get together that evening for a dinner, but with the kids here this week, the cocktail party tonight and the biopsy that day, it’s not looking good for socializing. Which reminds me I need to send an email to let the girls know I can’t make it this Thursday.

Well it’s time to start running errands.

side note: I’m still looking for gift ideas, in the post directly below this one. Thanks to those of you who have offered up some ideas. Although baking is not something I do often, I imagine I could try to whip up some fudge, although the thought of cheating and hitting a bakery to put together some gift tins did cross my mind....this may not be the point of gifting baked goods.

Hope everyone’s Tuesday is a good one!

Love,

3T

It’s the low buzz of tension building that started when the calendar hit December 1st.  The ultimate countdown has begun. I have two weeks to get the Washington Christmas gift box shopped for and shipped out, and to decide what we will be getting for the relatives back east. It’s agony trying to decipher what would be an appropriate gift for family, that lets face; we don’t know well enough, or know enough about their day-to-day existence to adequately pick out a Christmas gift that will be seen as either useful, practical or appropriate.

Never mind that there are only so many Christmas dollars available per paycheck. Which means prioritizing gift purchasing based on when the packages need to arrive at each geographical location. It takes finesse and intricate planning to pull this feat off each and every Christmas Season.

The easiest on the gift purchasing list will be my children of course. I make each child write out a Christmas wish-list; making a point to emphasize that I need a list with a wide dollar range. Reminding the youngest, that yes, it’s only your parents who will be crazy enough to buy you an item at a dollar range of $100.00 or more. I need cheap wish-list items!

For me, I have always felt Christmas was a time to say, “I love you” with a gift. Unfortunately I feel the love for a long list of family and friends. That list stretches far longer than the Christmas gift budget does. A conundrum that will last right up until Christmas Eve.

This is the month where I have always wished I had an artistic talent that I could put to use, creating Christmas gifts! There’s no use crying over a lack of artistic talent.

So at this point, I thought I would ask the readers here for ideas on Christmas gift-giving that doesn’t break the bank, but communicates “I love you and thought of you this Holiday Season.” Keeping in mind the time crunch, and the lack or artistic talent on my part, any ideas?  Come on folks, I’m feeling the tension of time ticking away far too fast!

“Help me?” (She said, in her best little-girl-whiny-voice)

Love,

3T

Can’t sleep. Went to bed at 10:00 PM and tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I just got up. Laying in bed when you can’t sleep is irritating torture. My limbs and hips are throbbing, making it impossible to get comfortable. And that was after a kama sutra oil foot rub, from my wonderful husband.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I’ve no doubt everyone ran around like chickens turkeys with their heads cut off as well. (I like to think so anyway)

This next post was to tell everyone about the wonderful christmas present that Rachel gave me! My blog is sporting it. This beautiful new Christmas template designed by Rachel of Weblog Design Studios. I love it! And as always, she did a creative and beautiful job on it!!!  Thank you Rachel. As usual your generosity is humbling. (And very much appreciated!)

We survived all the prep-work for the Thanksgiving Day feast, and it went off without a hitch. Kevin prepared two turkeys this year. One he put together in the traditional manner, with the bird stuffed with stuffing, and the other turkey was deep fried. If you enjoy your turkey crispy on the outside and juicy in the middle, deep-fried turkey delivers.

I have yet to watch Kevin prepare his stuffing, as he starts it well before any of us get up in the morning. I love his stuffing completely! Riley, who rarely eats anything he can’t completely recognize, loves Kevin’s stuffing! I usually will have the table laid out and ready for the silverware and plates to be laid out, the night before.

We relaxed quite a bit on Thanksgiving Day. Three of our dinner party were not able to make it, due to a nasty case of the flu. (I’m a firm believer in the flu vaccine) But then Tayler was busy being an extra in a movie on the day Riley and I went in to get vaccinated. Kevin got his at work. So it was good Tayler wasn’t around Roxanne and the kids this weekend. I take her in this Thursday to get the flu vaccination.

The house was cleaned thoroughly days before Thanksgiving, so there wasn’t any cleaning and odds and ends rushing around. Kevin and I split the different dishes for Thanksgiving. Although I did have the X bring a fruit platter and green bean casserole. The kids’ grandmother brought the desserts. She made a scrumptious pumpkin pie, apple pie and a pudding dessert that I don’t remember the name of. I was in charge of making a shrimp salad, the candied yams and the whipped garlic and sour cream mashed potatoes with gravy. We cheat on the gravy. We buy the Boston Market jarred turkey gravy and combine the turkey giblets with it, bringing it to a boil and then sticking it in a miniature crock pot to simmer for an hour. Very tasty.

My potatoes and candied yams were a little different this year. Like most of my recipes, I’ll take someone else’s recipe and tweak it to my own tastes. This is basically what I did with the potatoes and candied yams. I stole a few ideas from Stephanie Klein’s recipes she had posted on her blog. For the whipped garlic potatoes I took the horse radish from her recipe and added it to my own. With a wonderful outcome. The candied yams, the same thing. This year the sauce received a splash of vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, (the usual brown sugar and butter) and my special secret ingredient, Kahlua. (Stephanie uses bourbon, I think.) Which led me to believe my Kahlua would work well too. And it did! They were the best I’ve ever made. We were so thrilled with the outcome, that instead of going to a Resort this year for Christmas brunch, we’re going to do this meal all over again. Kevin baked the rolls, since 8 times out of 10 I burn them.


We have eaten various combinations of Thanksgiving dinner Thursday through Sunday. The upside of cancelled company is the amount of leftovers are mind boggling. Even with sending some home with Randy and Margie. And we’ve loved every meal out of it!

Friday was a full day of pulling out the Christmas decorations, organizing them, and then we start to assemble the Christmas tree. We literally double the amount of lights put on the Christmas tree this year, much to the husbands chagrin. It WAS an ALL DAY project. Kevin started the Christmas decor for our front yard about an hour before sunset. Then we collapsed in front of the TV with the kids and watched Ice Age 2 and Cars. We loved Ice Age, and both Kevin and I dozed off during Cars.

Saturday Kevin spent all of it outside preparing our Christmas light display. He is making noises about wanting to put something big ON THE ROOF. His footing is not the surest, as the few chores he gets on a step-ladder for have proven. I’ll be doing some fancy distracting, to keep him from pursuing this goal. The house is bright and pretty, the roof is fine as is. I’ve tweaked the tree a little, but haven’t gotten in to REALLY decorating it yet. When it was dark, we had a bonfire and roasted marshmallows and sat around it staring at the flames, while the kids did their best to set the backyard on fire playing with sticks and fire. Today we did nothing but sit in the hot tub and lay around in between plates full of turkey dinner and pies.

And now here I am, not even slightly closer to sleep, and it’s well after midnight. I know what is finally coming up this week. And although I have willed myself not to worry about it during the busy time of Thanksgiving, I think it’s creeping back in, since I have to fill out all the medical forms every doctor’s office requires you to do. (Why can’t they just send a copy of my medical reports from the referring doctor?)

I want to thank DB and Christine for the beautiful bouquet of flowers they sent to me, and for the well wishes and zen that was sent with the flowers. They brought smiles to my face and heart. Thank-you DB and Christine, you’re special friends!


And now, I’m suffering through a hot flash, peeling off clothes in between typing. Damn if this is any indication of what’s to come, I’m really not looking forward to this. (this=menopause) So Wednesday is it. I will finally be moving towards a more definitive diagnosis. I feel confident that it’s fibroadenomas, even so, after all I’ve read I think I want them removed. Having them does predispose one to cancer. But my thinking is, remove them, and leave a better view for anything else that might pop out in future mammograms. (always the optimist)

The fact is, I am afraid. Just the thought of a needle going into my breast, makes me weak at my knees. Let alone actually cutting into them! Well I’m not going to be able to psycho-babble myself out of my fears, but I can at least express them.

Well I’m tired of typing, so I’ll close now. And if I still can’t sleep, I’ll read a few blogs. Hope everyone has recovered from the turkey haze and is ready for a new week!

Love,

3T

Teddy Bear For Christmas
I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that no matter how you celebrate, you take the time to give thanks to God for the blessings he gives each of us. Regardless of what life may throw our way, we all have blessings to be acknowledged. Nothing brings a sense of peace more than when we acknowledge our blessings.

This time of year also brings to mind and heart those who are less fortunate than us. It’s important to reach out to others who are struggling. Whether it be with finances, severe family dysfunctions or those dealing with a serious illness in their family. Finding a way to ease their burdens or bring them a little joy should always be ahead of our shopping lists and food preparations.

This year, my good friend Rachel has taken on a project that brings me to tears just thinking about it. Christmas day will have Rachel and her husband Gary taking a trip to Children’s Phoenix Hospital to deliver what they hope will be 300 Teddy Bears to distribute to the many kids who are dealing with serious illnesses, and are not able to be at home for the holidays.

I cannot think of a more relevant way to spend Christmas Day. And I cannot express how much I love this dear lady. Just when I think my admiration for Rachel and her giving spirit could not be any higher, she springs a project like this on the blogworld.

In my sidebar there is a picture of a Teddy Bear, with the words Teddy Bear For Christmas beneath it. If you click on this link, it will take you to Rachel’s site, with a button to donate to the purchase of some of these special teddy bears. She also lists her home address. So if you have some barely use / like new stuffed animals your children have outgrown, send them Rachel’s way. It would be a wonderful surprise if we could beat that goal of 300 Teddy Bears to send with Rachel to Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Let’s make her make 2 trips to the hospital!!!  (I’ll pay for the gas Rachel!) Hehehehe…

So during your busy holiday schedule, take a moment or two out of the day to donate for purchases, or gather some from your own family stash of stuffed animals to send for the kids who are not able to leave the hospital for the holidays. This special act of kindness will bless your own heart and life. And teaches our children as well, that giving is a special attribute, that we all should posess.

I wish you all a blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,

3T

Let me start by saying, I realize my “typical blogger behavior” has changed over the last few months. I comment far less on the wonderful blogs in my blogroll, and make it around less often as well. This by no means is a reflection on my attitude towards the wonderful people behind each blogrolled blog. If you’re there, it’s cuz I love ya!

I’m aware I post less often than I have in the past as well. This has been out of a necessity to prioritize what’s going on in my day-to-day world, and has cut into my blogging time. Gone (for the time being) is my methodical descent down my blogroll, diligently reading each and everyone and commenting consistently.

So now I’m going to try and explain myself, even if it is only for my own benefit.

1. The kids’ schedules have been far more demanding than in the first year I started blogging. Both rugrats’ schedules were made up of new adjustments, with Tayler starting Jr. High School and Riley starting his first year of 5th grade, known for its over-abundance of homework. As well as the realization that Riley is ADD (a post in and of itself, coming soon) and working on getting him the proper treatment, so that he can succeed in school.

2. Medical problems that have been consuming, both for my handsome husband and myself. Dealing with his cancer and subsequent surgery, as well as some medical problems I have been having; as simple as this sounds, the doctors’ appts and decisions we make are not the only aspects eating up time and energy. The irony, which is not lost on either of us, is that the problems we are having are directly tied to our sense of masculinity and femininity respectively. Aka; prostate surgery and breast tumors.

3. My oldest and the break-up of him and his fiancee, again there are problems here that go far deeper than the canceling of their wedding.

4. My parents are having problems that I’m not at liberty to discuss here. The implications of these problems, again have far-reaching effects.

5. My husband’s job and the change in his title have us going out to events tied to his job every weekend (and weekdays) lately. Although this may sound fun, as far as putting on a ball gown and tux and snapping a few pictures, it has upset the balance of day-to-day and family life.

Now add household chores and upkeep, rugrat Birthday celebrations and the planning for Holidays. Couple that with the fact that I am indeed a neurotic control freak with an abundance of over-emotional energy. What you are left with is a perimenopausal, cranky broad, taking each responsibility one hour at a time.
Button lifted from Chelle-Belle.

And then I sit down to blog. The results are anything but desirable. I find my attitude toward blogging has slipped to anything but euphoric. I could dump all of my negative feelings here, and started to, with my post cussing out the doctor who gave me a less than definitive diagnostic result on the ultrasound. But then I have readers; distant family, who will read into the negative emotions I dump here, and make less than accurate assumptions regarding mine and my husband’s lives.(Although I remind myself that this is not my problem)

This is a good time to define what this blog (Stumbling/Grace) is. This is my personal diary, with the added flair of being open to the public. I’m not going to bother trying to explain the “whys” behind having a diary that is public, other then to say I have met some positively wonderful and close friends through blogging. I enjoy writing and trying to work out my thoughts and feelings through this medium, and getting others’ perspectives on different situations in life.

The flip side of the diary coin is that readers will not always see our lives in all it’s dimensions. Only what is put here. For example; if you’ve read this diary for any length of time, you realize I always make a big deal out of Birthdays. I love parties and the whole party attitude and celebrating the birth of those we care about is the perfect reason for a party or celebration! But after 22 mos. of blogging, you have yet to see a fuss about Kevin’s Birthday. WHY? He prefers it this way.

Long ago he made it clear that he does not want attention drawn to his Birthday. Some of his reasons I completely understand. Most people who blog, won’t understand. As we get older we run the risk of age discrimination, particularly in the workforce. I understand my husband’s concerns and I honor his wishes. Although this doesn’t mean I don’t make a complete fuss over him in our home and with our kids, you’re not going to learn this from reading Stumbling/Grace. This is just one example of reading a personal diary that doesn’t always present a complete picture.

Some of the photos I put here and in the flickr photo album may give another dimension that is not completely accurate. Often you’ll see a champagne glass in my hand or a cosmo glass. One photo I put up here for a guest post by Kevin, he was holding a Cosmo glass and the photo of myself during this time also was holding one. We had one drink between the two of us, and held the ONE glass for each picture. We don’t drink during the week, or even on every weekend. But when we are celebrating or socializing we may have a drink, or on occasion two, and during these occasions photos are taken. If you were to judge our life on our photos, you would think it was one big party, and you would be wrong.

I guess what I’m saying in a very round-about way, going up one side of it and down the other, is making judgments based solely upon a diary is not going to be accurate. A point that had me slightly disillusioned with this hobby. A point that after this post, I’m not going to bother to define again.

Another disillusionment has been with people out on the internet in general. OK, I’m going to get specific here. The “My-Space” bloggers. What is it with these people anyway? I consider myself pretty much computer illiterate, and even I know if you want an image to display you must (or should) download it and host it somewhere. You don’t copy and past it to your page and “steal” bandwidth to display it. And if you use one of the photos that I have taken, you should seek permission to use it. To “take” someone’s personal photos and then use that person’s bandwidth to display it, is more than stupid. I’m going to suggest that this group of people are in the moron category. I average at least two “My-Spacers” a week stealing bandwidth by using the images I display on this blog. And yes, I have even seen my personal photos taken and displayed as their own, WHILE stealing the bandwidth from this blog! Although the amount of bandwidth used is minimal, it is the principle of it that pisses me off!

OK, so here’s my point: With all that has been occurring in my day-to-day life that keeps challenging my sanity and time management, handling these irritations in blogging has just been too much. Possibly my attitude is less than stellar to begin with, but dealing with rude and self-centered people on the internet has taken the shine off of blogging right now.

We all deal with the indifference of other people in our lives. From rude to downright dangerous drivers on the road to the pissy cashier or school office receptionist, it’s constant and wears your attitude down. Coming here, where I have idealized the people behind the blogs, to only run across more of the same rude indifference and those unaware of anyone else’s boundaries other than their own, has had me coming here less.

This isn’t a reflection on ANYONE in my blogroll. I truly love each of you, and for many and varied reasons. I’m hoping that as pressure lets off from my personal life, my attitude will improve all around. As a person who tends to move within phases, I’m confident that eventually I’ll find the joy of blogging I once had. Until then, my TBB will be sporadic. Although I may not comment, it doesn’t mean I’m not lurking in the shadows on occasion, keeping up with all of the people I enjoy reading.

Love,

3T

Danalyn (aka Wench) here hijacking 3T’s blog to 1) wish Tayler a very happy (belated) birthday, and if I had more time (and had kept up with my blog reads enough to know it was your birthday), I would have surprised you with a new template.  Sorry.    But I know something you don’t know...and what you don’t know might just be happening before the holiday season is over.  That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, 2) I wanted to tell everyone that Weblog Design Studios is HIRING!  If you have mad skillz (or know someone who does...who doesn’t already work for me), send them over!

PS: I’ve hijacked 4 blogs this month.  You could be next.  You have been warned!

LOL Tomboy Birthday Wishes for LOL Tomboy aka; Tayler. Photoshopped by Stacy 2006

A Letter from Mom:
Dear Tayler~

You’re 13 years old today, and I can remember like it was yesterday, the day you were born. Amid much excitement and many relatives you came into the world screaming. A normal occurrence with a newborn; little did I know that very loud and incessant screaming would continue for two and half months, nearly 20 hours a day. I remember being numb, going through the motions of walking the floors while you screamed inconsolably. I remember not allowing myself to feel the heartbreak of not being able to successfully comfort my newborn baby girl. I had a job to do, and allowing myself any emotions other than caring for you would have been counterproductive.

I do remember one night around 3:00 AM praying, asking for God’s help and begging for some relief for you, when a warm assurance came over me. An assurance that you would come out of colic and thrive. I look at you today Tayler, and I know deep within me, that was God’s promise to me that dark cold night, that you would indeed grow into the beautiful young lady you are today. I thank Him daily, for giving you to me.

Tayler, you have been a supreme blessing in my life, and I take the job of raising you seriously. But even with the job of being a good parent weighing on my mind, I am overwhelmed by the absolute Blessing you are to everyone who knows you.

As you enter into the angst-filled teenage years, I want you to know you have me in your corner, cheering for you each and everyday. I’m here Tayler, watching over you and adoring you. Doing my best to give you the room to grow, learn and take steps towards being an independent young adult. And always filled with the pride of knowing I got to be your Mom.

I know we laugh now, whenever I reminisce about those first few months of your life, and I thank you for your patience. Each time I tell the story, you listen intently and with the same wonder in your eyes, as if it was the first time you have heard it. You truly are a kind and caring young lady, and I will always be proud of you Tayler.

I know that you know how much I love you. But what I want you to know this very special day, is that I genuinely like you. I enjoy spending time with you and appreciate all of your wonderful and many attributes. I admire who you are, and celebrate all of the special qualities that make you Tayler.

My greatest wish for you today, is that you experience the feeling of knowing you are completely loved by all that call you daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend.

Today is your day Tayler, and I wish you happiness, fun and dreams that come true.

All my love always,

Mom

Happy Birthday Wishes from; and photoshopped by Stacy 2006

A Letter from Tayler’s Stepdad:
Dear Tayler:

I like to look at those birthdays that mark milestones in life, the ones that signal the beginning or the end of a critical period in our life.
And becoming a teenager is one of them.

It will bring many changes, so many your head will spin. And by the time you are ready to hit that next big milestone--21--how you handle the next 8 years will pretty much determine how well you will handle adulthood.

You’ll have no small share of happy times and sad ones, but mostly confusing ones. You should count yourself lucky that you have a mom you love and trust and can turn to when things get too confusing for you to handle yourself.

Most kids don’t have a parent like that. And the fact that it’s your mom is even better because as a teenaged girl herself once, she can use the foundation of love and trust and confiding that you two share, to pass along her wisdom and her own experience in an effort to help keep you from making at least some of the mistakes that she might have made, and that all teenagers at one time or another might make.

I know the changes brought on by your parents divorce and your mom’s marriage to me have not been easy to get through. But what has impressed me is the way you have handled those changes.

You also have demonstrated an unusually warm and protective relationship with your younger brother, something you will hopefully maintain throughout your life. Yes, I know there are squabbles from time to time, but your gentleness and care for him will have an impact on him that you won’t even realize for years if not decades to come.

As you begin teenagehood, I just wanted to wish you all the best, and to tell you how glad I am that you are my stepdaughter. Marrying your mom was a blessing, and I look at you and Riley as bonuses.

With all the trials and tribulations that the teens bring, just remember that you have your mom, your dad, me and, most of all, God to turn to for guidance. You will have to work hard in school to help prepare you for adulthood, but then, all of life is hard work.
Your mom, your dad, and I can help you get through those tough times, and God is always there to give you His guiding hand.

I hope your birthday not only is a happy one, but that you will find your teens mostly enjoyable, extremely productive, and always surrounded by love.
I love you,

Paul