Feeling much more optimistic today, thanks for asking! Now I’m off to do everything that didn’t get done yesterday, because I was too busy hosting and starring in my own pity party. A point that cost, in the form of the ticket for the Breast Cancer Awareness Luncheon, that my overworked husband will now have to attend without me. I could waste time feeling guilty, or get my shit together; and completed.

I admit to being a little overwhelmed by the amount of events that are on his list to attend this year. I begged off last night’s due to the pity party and then begged off the luncheon due to being behind on the “to do” list. That’s two I’ve flaked on and the Season has just started. I’m more than a little nervous, knowing that I’m in the middle of a anti-social mood with many social events scheduled.

And then the teenager has so many activities planned, that keeping hers and my husband’s events straight is making my head spin. I just feel like so many areas of life are spinning out-of-my-control. (Yes I’m aware I’m really not in control of it, but knowing that, and FEELING that are two different things) Peri-menopausal or resentful rebellion? Or is it just the stress of have-to-do-this and have-to-do-that. How would I have-to-do ANY of it, if I had a fulltime job? And am I thinking this way, just to get out of all the “have-to-dos?"(Something I’ve done in the past)

I’m getting the “itch” to runaway from reality. I won’t, but I have to acknowledge the feeling or I’ll get resentful. Or is this all due to the “foreboding dark cloud” hanging in the what seems like an eternity-away-future.

There are many family stresses weighing on my mind and heart, things I can’t put here, out of respect for the privacy of my loved-ones. So many and varied stresses that seem so completely out of my control, and all I can do is worry. 

I don’t have breast cancer; that I know of. And I won’t know for sure for over a month. According to Ira Blecker, M.D., the findings, after a mammogram, spot-compression-mammogram and ultrasound are; “two nodules in the upper outer quadrant. No suspicious calcifications or architectural distortion is seen. Left breast ultrasound was performed and demonstrates two hypoechoic smoothly marginated oval shaped nodules in the 11 o’clock position, 4- and 7-cm from the nipple measuring 1.2 x 1.0 x 1.3 cm and 1.0 x 0.7 x 1.0 cm respectively. No other solid or cystic masses are seen. There are no abnormal areas of shadowing.”

Impression: “There are two smoothly marginated hypoechoic nodules in the upper outer quadrant of the left breast, probably fibroadenoma; however, either followup left breast ultrasound in six-months or MRI scan is recommended.”

ASSESSMENT: “3 - Probably benign.”

Excuse me; Ira was it? “ PROBABLY BENIGN” ISN’T FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!  PARDON ME IF I SEEM RUDE OR PUSHY, BUT IN THIS DAY AND AGE, WHEN THEY PUSH MAMMOGRAMS FOR EARLY DETECTION, FOR BETTER SURVIVAL OUTCOME, “PROBABLY BENIGN” ISN’T QUITE SCIENTIFIC ENOUGH FOR MY TASTES! BETTER STILL, DEALING WITH A WOMAN DOCTOR, WHO ACTUALLY HAS A PAIR OF TITS, AND UNDERSTANDS THE IMPLICATIONS OF BREAST CANCER, WOULD BE BEST FOR EVERYONE CONCERNED. OK, ADMITTEDLY I’M ONLY CONCERNED; WITH MY FEELINGS ON THIS ISSUE! MAY I SUGGEST, IRA DEAR, THAT YOU TAKE A COURSE ON CREATIVE WRITING, OR IF THAT MAY BE TOO TIME CONSUMING, HOW TO WRITE A MEDICAL REPORT, THAT IS MORE SPECIFIC. CUZ FRANKLY IRA SWEETIE, DROPPING THE BALL FOR 6 FUCKING MONTHS, WELL, IT JUST ISN’T AN OPTION. TAKING INTO ACCOUNT MY FAMILY HISTORY OF BREAST CANCER, (MY MOTHER) THAT YES YOU KNOW ACCORDING TO MY MEDICAL CHART AND THE DISCHARGE FROM THE SAME BREAST, IT MIGHT WARRANT, MAYBEPOSSIBLY FURTHER INVESTIGATION? Just a thought Ira DEAR!

I’ve done the research, in fact it is all I have been doing since I received the results last week. I’ve consulted with my primary care doctor (who is thorough and a God send into our family. Since she’s the one who pushed further investigation, that led to finding Kevin’s prostate cancer.) who believes I need a little more invasive testing under all of the circumstances. Dr. Merzenich who is sending me to a specialist who only deals with breast health and has a stellar reputation. And is a WOMAN. And I have to tell you, of all my years in dealing with physicians, the best, the most thorough, professional physicians have ALWAYS been women hands down. Of course this is my humble opinion, but having no less than 4 BAD MALE doctors, who can only be described as fucking uncaring idiots with greatly irrational God complexes, I feel fairly qualified to make this judgment.

OK, yes when I think about the report, I become angry. And I have to tell you, after a day of not being able to do anything but cry, I prefer the anger.

I did so well after the first mammogram, I felt confident and fairly informed, knowing the majority of tumors ARE benign. I’ve read all the articles on breast cancer, had learned some from when my mother went though her ordeal of breast cancer and a double mastectomy. So I wasn’t panicked or overly dramatic about the whole issue. Frankly even after the second reports came down, I was only disillusioned. Mainly due to Ira’s rather unscientific and vague evaluation. Although the chances are small that these tumors are a malignancy, but are only benign fibroadenomas, leaving it to chance for 6 mos. just didn’t make sense to me. Six months of untreated malignancies could take it from a stage one to a stage two, or further. That isn’t a thought I’m comfortable with.

The more I studied fibroadenomas, the less they seemed like an open and shut case of classic fibroadenomas. My age as a factor? Fibroadenomas are mainly found in women in their 20’s and 30’s. Occasionally in young ladies in their teens. The minority are women above 40, for this type of tumor. I’m 43 for the record, and had no fibroadenomas on my last mammogram one and a half years ago.

Multiple fibroadenomas are not the norm either. Although it does happen, but only a small percentage(8-10% if you want to get specific) of the time. The research I studied also pointed to the fact that fibroadenomas and carcinomas features, can and do overlap. Taking into consideration that mammography cannot be used to distinguish a fibroadenoma, a cyst, and a carcinoma with certainty because of some overlap in the findings. ALL of the entities may appear as smooth masses. In the end of my crash course in breast cysts, tumors, lesions, calcifications, carcinomas and fiboradenomas the final consensus seemed to be that definitive diagnosis requires palpation- or image guided biopsy.

What I find as sad, is I had to go hunting for this information. Had I left myself to trust the doctor who wrote the report, I would not have known this. If you want to look on the positive side of things, I guess its good we live in the age of the internet, where this information is readily available.

What I also discovered in my crash course, is that in the state of Arizona, doctors do not have to be licensed in the reading of mammograms. A science that is so obviously not an exact science, can be interpreted by any physician, whether they are qualified to make these interpretations or not. These leads me to the conclusion, that if ANYTHING suspicious shows up on your mammogram it would behoove you to push for further testing! ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF BREAST CANCER.

And the season hits high gear.

3T and I were looking at our mental calendar of the next month and thinking: the next few weeks are like the first big hill you go down on an elaborate roller coaster: Once we get through the rush of “high season” in Arizona, we’ll be approaching another few hills brought on by the holidays.

Indeed, we have an almost dizzying schedule of cool events for worth causes that we’ll be attending, while at the same time we prepare for our daughter’s emergence into full teenagedom as she hits the big 13.

First off, a week from Saturday, we’ll be attending Banner Hospital’s big formal at the Hyatt Gainey Ranch. We’ve written before about this resort because it is also home to an event for the Child Crisis Center of the East Valley every April (an event that signals an end to the season in our part of Arizona.) For those readers who aren’t from the Valley, Banner is a huge health care operation, and runs a lot of hospitals around here, including the one where I had my prostate surgery. (Side note: I continue to recover and while I still have a couple of issues, none are either life threatening or affecting my day-to-day activities.)

The Gainey Ranch Hyatt is one of the most beautiful resorts in Arizona, with a courtyard that is almost magical. And with the cool weather, it will have lots of fireplaces you can sit near to enjoy the clear desert air.

About a week after this soiree, we’ll be off to a salute to the Child Crisis Center’s 25th anniversary at a cocktail party at the Mesa Arts Center, a really beautiful venue that is among the nation’s most unique facilities of its kind. 3T and I both are big supporters of the center because it does so much to help society’s most vulnerable population.

Then, a few days later, we’ll be going to a formal dinner-fundraiser for the arts center itself. We attended last year’s Art On The Move dinner and had a good time, so we’re looking forward to this event. It’s being held on the same day of our daughter’s birthday, so we’re balancing everything by having her big celebration the next day.

Whew.

Then we can rest--for about a day. Cause Thanksgiving is just around the corner and we’re hosting a pretty big dinner involving some friends and 3T’s ex and his mom. How’s that for an extended family?

Of course, all this commotion occurs when the weather in Arizona is beautiful. There’s so much we want to do and see, but we know that our responsibilities and the sheer lack of time will keep us from many of them.

But it doesn’t matter to me. As long as 3T is with me, ANYTHING I do is fun.

I hope you all are enjoying autumn.

Kevin

And the Season Begins:

He Said,

We Arizonans, especially those living around Phoenix, don’t get much fall foliage without having to take what amounts to be a weekend-long drive. But that doesn’t mean October is without its fall delights for us.

And chief among them is what has become a tradition for our family: A visit to the Pumpkin Patch Fest that goes on every year at a farm in a little but quickly growing town called Queen Creek.

This will be our fifth annual visit to the patch, where we’ll eat chili, ride a cool train ride in the dark where kids dress up in scary costumes along the way and try and scare passengers and the kids get a chance to wander through a corn maze, ride some an old-time little roller coaster, race around on three-wheeled bikes and finally pick out the pumpkins that they’ll carve for display outside our house.

We know that the kids are growing older fast and that they soon may find the fest too childish for their teenaged tastes, so we cherish every moment we share with them at the fest.

Later next weekend, we’ll pull out the Halloween decorations and put a bit of a scare outside our front door for a couple of weeks so that trick-or-treaters who visit us on Halloween get a little extra thrill besides some candy.  This is something we started last year and it was such a hit that we’ll do it again in what is kind of a rehearsal for the much bigger display we will mount at Christmas time.

And while we won’t be going to any costume parties on the weekend before Halloween because we have a formal event to attend, we still look at this whole fall-Halloween season with the enthusiasm you usually see only in children.

Last night 3T and I were talking about this month, and I could see my bride’s eyes lighting up brighter than a candle-lit pumpkin!
And what’s even cooler, our traditions this month start a three-month series of holiday celebrations that always make me think how lucky I am.

3T and I both hope you all can look forward to the final quarter of the year with the same enthusiasm.

She Said,

For the 3T family, the beginning of the Arizona Season always starts with a visit to Schnepf Farms for their annual Pumpkin and Chili Party. I look forward to this tradition with the same wide-eyed-child-like anticipation of a visit from Santa Claus.

Schnepf farms is one of the last family-owned and operated farms left in Queen Creek. The owners, Mark and Carrie Schnepf open their home to thousands of school children and families over the course of each season, which begins October 5th and runs thru the weekends of October, November and the evenings in December.  Voted by Phoenix Magazine (Sept. 2006) as “one of the top 50 things every Phoenician should do at least once,” this event is one my family believes should be visited at least once every year!
Our tradition starts with the building of the scarecrow, which has its special spot on our patio thru October.  From stuffing hay into a pair of old jeans and a shirt to painting the burlap sack that will pass as the head of our scarecrow, the kids and Kevin have a wonderful time putting him together while I wildly and randomly snap photos of each phase.  Next, it’s time to check out all the old time rides and activites that are set up for kids. We’ll wander over to a karoake station set up for kids to sing their hearts out to the adoration and clapping of parents. The oversized tricycles are a big hit with both Tayler and Riley, who go round and round the maze for a good hour before they hit the giant slide and the old time miniature rollercoaster.  With the corn maze, miniature golf, music and hay rides, the feeling one gets is of stepping into an eighteenth century country fair.

Two of my favorite activites are chow time and the train ride thru the haunted corn maze. The chili is out of this world! I’m not that big of a chili fan, but there is something about the farm’s atmosphere that has me craving THEIR chili from the moment we enter the farm! Of course, the corn bread is the perfect side dish.  As we eat and listen to the live band playing some old time country music, you can’t help but get caught up in the festive country spirit that pervades the grounds.  The train ride through the Schnepf farm grounds is relaxing and occasionally scary as the kids dressed in costumes jump out at the train once you’re in the maze.

An added bonus is at sunset.  Nothing obstructs the view as the sun goes down among the most vivid colors of the painted sky.  This year I have every intention of trying to capture the beauty of a country sunset. Both Kevin and I have noted that the most beautiful sunset we have seen has been from Schnepf farms two years ago. This year, I’m going to be ready for it!  Fingers crossed, God blesses us with a spectacular sunset this year!  For me, nothing beats the country fair of Schnepf farms!  I prefer this atmosphere to the state fair, or any other event offered this time of year.

On Friday the 13th, the 3T family will be wandering Schnepf farms from 3:00 PM until well past dark, when the bon fires are glowing brightly with kids roasting marshmellows.  This year the newest attraction will be a haunted house dubbed the “Nest,” which is not-so-child-friendly.  As it isn’t recommended for children under the age of 13, it is a “must-see” for my kids, who claim their jaded sense of what’s scary does not cover a haunted house at the family-friendly chili-party.  (I’ll let you know if they manage to bring a scare to my pre-teen and tweener.)
By the time we start heading for the exit, there are two very important activities left for us to complete.  The first, which can take up to a half hour, is browsing through the pumpkin field rows the two pumpkins that Tayler and Riley will pick out to carve for the patio.  As we head for the exit and the cash register, we also pick up one of their many home made pies.  With a wide variety of flavors, ours usually is a pumpkin pie.  The first we’ll eat of the season.

If you happen to make it out to Schnepf farms on Friday the 13th, look for us and say “howdy!”

Love,

3T

The Details:

Schnepf Farms Pumpkin & Chili Party

Where:
Schnepf Farms 24810 S Rittenhouse Road, Queen Creek

When:
10:00 AM - 9:00 PM Thursdays & Sundays
10:00 AM - 10:00 PM Fridays & Saturdays
Today through October 29th

Admission:
$12.00 Adults $14.00 children 3 - 12 yrs. old. Free for children 2 and younger. Tickets are $10.00 and $12.00 if purchased at Fry’s Food Stores

For more details:
480-987-3100 or http://www.schnepffarms.com

Know where to go for the Valley’s best guide to events, dining, nightlife,
movies & more:
http://entertainment.azcentral.com/

I know I haven’t been online much over the last week or so. I couldn’t. I am quitting smoking, this time for good. Last week was like being a kid with ADD, a lady with PMS and a mature woman with menopause, all rolled up into one person, at one time. Yes all members of my family are still alive, if not a little bruised. ( Not literally )

But sitting at the computer for more than 15 minutes wasn’t possible. Let alone trying to read anyone’s posts, or comment. My days are getting better, little by little. And I’m capable of the occasional coherent thought, without emotional outbursts. I haven’t felt that psychotic since the last time I attempted to quit. For some reason this time was far worse. I’m thinking due to the fact that I’m determined to get off these cancer sticks once and for all. Since I knew this, mourning the loss of my addiction has been traumatic on a few different levels. But I’m not going to obsess over the loss this week. But focus on the gain.

I do know I can’t go through another week like last week, again. It has to stick this time. This week’s goal is to concentrate on all the wonderful side effects of quitting.
1. I can breathe better.
2. I won’t smell like an ash tray.
3. More energy.
4. More time to do things I enjoy.
5. More money to add to the budget. (Eventually; as the patches and nicotine gum, don’t come cheap!)

Getting off of them will make increasing exercise time and intensity easier.  I’ll be coming back to this post to reread the benefits often this week. And as the nagging withdrawls let up, reading more of my favorite blogs will be what it should be. Enjoyable. Trust me when I say, that you really didn’t want me commenting last week. Besides the fact that it probably would not have been coherent, my irritability threshold was off the charts. (In a bad way)

Unfortunately so was my asthma. I didn’t quit because I wanted to this time, but because I couldn’t smoke without stealing the little air I was getting from my lungs. It has to stick this time, and it will.

Hope everyone’s Monday is going well.

Love,

3T

BLOGTOBERFEST:

Arizona Bloggers will be gathering for Blogtoberfest on October 7th, and I would love the opportunity to meet more bloggers from our area! Vox is organizing this event, so go check out the latest at her place.

The Basics:

Date: October 7
Time: 3:00 PM to...?
Place: Sonoran Brewing Company,
322 E. Camelback, Phoenix

Vox has a list of attendees on her site. Go add your name and come meet bloggers from all over the Valley.

Sidenote: If you don’t have a blog, but just enjoy reading them, you are invited too! Come meet those you read, at this year’s Blogertoberfest.

Special “Thank-you’s” regarding my Birthday week

Thank you to Jade and OhGirl for taking me out to lunch, and gifting me with some cool new sunglasses and personalized coasters from the Wine Valley in California. Oh Girl, I never publicly thanked you for the Coach hand bag you gave me a while back. I love it! And appreciate your generosity. And of course, Rachel, whose talent and generosity never ceases to amaze me. A special thank you to the rest of my internet friends for the birthday wishes in the form of posts and emails. I love all of you!

To my husband’s siblings who remembered my birthday with cards and gifts. Jim and Barb, I was very touched by what you wrote in the card (I’m saving this one for times when I’m depressed) And a Starbucks gift card is always the perfect gift! Thank you.  Margie and Mike, thank you so much for the card and the “mad money” to spend gambling in Laughlin! You two are always so thoughtful.  And Mike, thank you for the card. You are always so thoughtful and sending your brother and me cards throughout the year. They are very much appreciated, and never fail to touch our hearts.

Gin and Rishel, my homegirls, who managed to track me down in Laughlin to wish me a Happy Birthday. I love you both dearly! I know this wasn’t an easy task, since we were supposed to stay at the Colorado Belle and instead changed hotels after one night. Long story short, I didn’t get my balcony room, as promised. As spoiled as this may sound, I was willing to try and make the best of it. That is until I realized there was NO. ROOM. SERVICE. other than a continental breakfast in the mornings. I’m sorry, but HOTEL ROOM = ROOM SERVICE to me. Otherwise I classify the hotel as camping out.

And of course, a big thank you to my family, who always remembers birthdays. Mom and Dad, I know you lead very busy lives, and always appreciate the time you take out to make my birthday special. Tawni and Tara, thank you for the email and phone calls! It is nice to be remembered, even though we now live over a thousand miles apart.

From writing out these Thank-you’s I see very clearly how blessed I am with wonderful family and friends.

A special thank you to my husband, who got me the Coach bag I have been drooling over for months and months! You know I love it!

Our trip went well. Although gambling winnings were not in the cards this time around, we found new and special ways to make this trip unique and treasured. I know I’ve said it before, but to all couples out there, get away with your mate alone. As often as you can!

I know money and finances seem to play a role in this for most of us. It takes some ingenuity and creativity to put together special weekends or weeks together. But it is possible if you search out ways that fit into your budget.

For us, Laughlin became our place, due to the usually cheap hotel rooms and inexpensive food. Every dollar spent gambling is accounted for by getting the Player’s Cards, that are always free at the casinos. With card in hand, they know what we spend on gambling,(which really doesn’t add up to that much) and usually send us free hotel room deals, and free meal money that adds up with the points on the Player cards. We had a lovely steak dinner on the hotel we stayed at this trip!

This just affords us the opportunity to step outside of our daily routines, relax and concentrate on “us.” Those with kids know how difficult it can be to carve out time for just husband and wife. It is just as important to us as, say, spending quality time with the kids. You want insurance on your marriage?  Find time to play with your spouse, doing things you both enjoy doing, together. Don’t ever give up dating your spouse.

The kids will be back in a couple of hours, ending our alone time for now. But we take these memories with us, until we can break away again. We start out in the daily rountine, refreshed and ready to take on the world!

Hope everyone’s weekend was a good one!

Love,

3T

I have a strong need and desire to send out a special thank you to a close friend I originally met through blogging. This special lady has graced me with her amazing talent and skills now for over a year, and I am humbled by her generous heart.

Although my new design may not be up yet IS UP, Rachel has blessed me with yet another beautiful look for Stumbling / Grace. I am so honored to be her friend, let alone by all of the lovely designs she has created for me, and surprised me with; it leaves me speechless. (OK, I may never be completely speechless, but I think you can get my drift)

Rachel, I love my new design! I love you more! And again, a “Thank-you” seems lame and far from enough to show you my gratitude for your awesome gift! I truly thank God, for bringing you into my life.

When my new design is installed, I ask each of you to go over and show this beautiful lady some love. For her talent, her skills and her kind heart. She truly is one in a million!

I love you Rachel! And thank you, with all sincerity, and all of my heart.

Love,

3T