This is an experiment. Tayler gave me a lesson on how to post a YouTube video. This may or may not work. Fingers crossed.

This is off of the Eagles latest CD called Long Road Out of Eden. And is my favorite song off of disc one. You can pick up this CD at WalMart. Two disc CD and I think it’s a hit. The Eagles all grown up.

Love,

3T

Where you want to shoot your X-husband, execution style, point-blank, in the head? No? Just me? Oh well, I have no problem admitting it. (If you do, keep it to yourself. Seriously.)

What is it about the Holiday Season that makes every thing and every emotion about extremes? There’s no in-betweens. Just extremes. Am I alone in this? Again, if I am, keep it to yourself.

I usually pride myself on rising above the petty issues, for my kids. We celebrate a few Holidays and the kids’ Birthdays together. My X, his mother, my husband and me. Now add my grown son and his once-again-fiance, and Riley and Tayler. The two precious reasons we all work to rise above the past.

Last night, my precious baby Riley, age 12, who now stands 5’9” and has to shave a mustache off every couple of months; graduated from the 6th grade DARE class. For those not familiar, it is a “course” usually taught by the local police department on drugs and their many devastating effects on the lives of those who choose to partake of them.

Graduation night is considered big. With parents attending and certificates handed out, as well as a DARE t-shirt that the kids wear with pride. A program where there has been some controversy on its effectiveness and value, since tax dollars go to pay for it. (Again, if you have a problem with this program, keep it to yourself. Or write about it on your own blog)

For my baby, it was extra special. A definite “must attend.” Riley to date, has not had many opportunities to shine. As he doesn’t or hasn’t expressed an interest in just about anything extra-curricular. So as this is one of those rare occasions where he is the center of attention with his family, all of us recognized the importance of being there for him.

Unfortunately, my husband had a prior work commitment he could not get out of; as much as he would have liked to. So there we were, all gathered in the audience. My X, Riley’s sister Tayler, their grandmother (the X’s Mom) and me. I brought my camera to take as many photos of Riley as I could.  For the memories and for the fact that I knew it would make Riley feel good to know he was the center of attention for the evening.

My camera is a Sony SLR, and fairly new. I’m not comfortable (that’s putting it mildly) with manual settings, and do not mess with the many and varied menus as of yet. Mainly since I haven’t figured out which work best, for which type of photo, and I don’t know how to reset them.

As Tayler was between myself and the X, and the X was dying to play know-it-all with MY camera, he kept grabbing at it. To the point where Tayler got up and moved, leaving no buffer between the X and my camera and me.

Having spent 16 years with this man, I’m well aware of his penchant for grandstanding and desire to be the imparter of all knowledge. One tiny problem with this is 7 out of 10 times he doesn’t know jackshit, and tries to bullshit his way as he goes. Usually screwing things up.

As was the case last night with my camera. The camera that I still stand in awe of. The camera that holds so much more mystery for me, as I slowly go about learning its many functions. Lets put it this way, if my house caught on fire, once the kids, hubby and cat were out safely, the item I’d grab would be this camera!

Now you don’t spend 16 years with someone without learning at least a little about that person. Although in the X’s case, I’d say he came close to learning as little as is possible about his wife as any husband could. But he knew enough to know, this was/IS my prized possession.

As he went about trying to impart some of his all-knowing knowledge on his stupid X-wife, and I went about trying to be polite, even though his antics were making me nervous and also taking the focus off of what we were there for, Riley; the inevitable happened. He managed to f*ck up the settings; which ended anymore photos of Riley with my camera.

Call me crazy and paranoid, but I can’t help but feel this was a passive-aggressive move on his part. Of course as my blood pressure rose, he kept wanting to try and “fix things.” Finally, meekly suggesting that if I gave him my camera manual, he’d read it until he figured out how to fix it. Let’s just say at this point, all I could picture was shooting this dumbf*ck in the head.

BUT, we were there for Riley. A point the X didn’t seem to get at all. This is a man who likes to pride himself on being such a wonderful Dad. (ie; he can write out bigger checks to his kids than I can) Yes, that may just be the opinion of a disgruntled X-wife; as I know his kids all love him dearly. And no, I haven’t figured out WHY I procreated with this doofus. But I did, it’s a done deal, and now we all live with that fact. Surely I could have found a more suitable sperm donor...although I cannot imagine having any other kids than the ones God graced me with.

There was one moment when Riley was standing up there and we made eye-contact as I snapped a photo. His face lit up! Riley is one that for some reason, he doesn’t like to show emotion. So seeing him try to conceal his delight and failing miserably, managed to warm my heart and make me want to cry all at once.

I think even though his own Dad did his best to upstage him, we accomplished having Riley feel as special as he is. And my husband and I continued to do so, until he was in bed and asleep for the night. The hubby went and picked out a new game for Riley to play on his X-box. And although he couldn’t be there, congratulated him, hugged him, and then shook his hand for the first time ever. And although this to warmed my heart, by the time the kids were alseep; the evening’s events caught up with me.

No man was spared from my extreme emotions last night. And the hubby received a full account of the evenings awkwardness and my tears as I proceeded to have a complete and full meltdown.

As spouse’s are wont to do when emotions are running high; miscommunications commenced.  I couldn’t explain my extreme reactions, and he kept taking it as a personal attack, since he wasn’t able to make it to Riley’s graduation. Eventually it became a personal attack as I realized just how much I had come to rely on him as my “cover” and “buffer” as far as dealing with the X was concerned.

Of course the irony of this situation has not escaped me. Life is full of ironies when you’re looking for them. I realize that my husband is the rock the puts stability to the awkward gatherings of X’s. The X’s mother likes Paul, I’m sure far more than she likes her son’s X-wife. (And as a mother, I can completely understand that. Moreso taking into account some of the things I pulled while married to her son)

Everyone handles the situation, and behaves appropriately when my husband is there. The X would have never played “grab-ass” with my camera if the hubby was there. And I do believe all the negative feelings I have towards being married to the X would not have flooded me so completely, had my present and future (my husband) been there.  It was like a flashback to a nightmare that took me years to extricate myself from. And by nightmare, I mean the lonliness being married to the X had represented. The lack of any real sense of intimacy or being heard. The X spent 16 years being a one-man show in a game of “look at me, arn’t I the saint.” I didn’t even have a walk-on part in that marriage. I was a prop, plain and simple.

Maybe I’ll never figure out completely why there is always the proverbial meltdown during the Holiday season. Is it the constant desire to provide the Norman Rockwell Holiday for myself and my family? Is it the many Holidays that were always tinged with a sense of sadness and deceit? Who knows. I could psycho-babble analyze it until Hell froze over, and I don’t think I would ever completely understand it.

My only hope at this point, this Holiday season, is that the hubby does not have to work an evening when we yet again must gather to support, encourage and clap for one of my children’s special moments.

sidenote: I would never physically harm or try to harm anyone or anything. This is my diary, where I can vomit up my thoughts and feelings. I am disgusted with violence in all its forms. But this doesn’t stop me from releasing my own emotions and frustrations in the form of the written word.

Christmas Tree 2006 - Teri Johannes

But in a good way. It’s all about family and the many traditions we have with the kids. Although it doesn’t look like we’ll get everything we want to do crammed into this weekend, since their Dad wants them tomorrow, and I have to share.

Mr. 3T and Tayler got a good start on decorating outdoors. Luckily he hasn’t brought up putting anything on the roof this year. I want no broken bones or injuries for the Holidays! My tree has the required hundreds of white lights on it, waiting for me to decorate it.

As it’s Saturday the kids are going to have to pick what we want to do, since there won’t be time to do it all. We always have a bonfire Thanksgiving weekend, complete with marshmallows, chocolate bars and graham crackers. The only problem is our night time temps. have really taken a nose dive. It’s cold-to-the-bone out there!

We also wanted to hit a movie, make a gingerbread house, and Tayler and I were going to do a mani/pedi afternoon, ending with some scrap booking. Something is going to have to give, since there are only so many hours in a day, and their Dad stole Sunday from me! (Yes that was catty and petty)

Pulling Riley away from his X-box 360 has been difficult, so I’m probably going to try and entice him with what he would like to do. Besides playing those damn video games.

I’m finally getting into the Holiday spirit and I know it’s because we didn’t have to be anywhere. One more Festival of the Trees in Chandler, on a Friday night not Saturday like I had originally thought, and the only “have-tos” will be Christmas related!

I’ll have some time to catch up on viewing my Flickr Friends newest creations and some blog reading.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thanksgiving weekend!

With Love,

3T

Hints of Winter - Teri Johannes

This month has whizzed by in a blur of charity events, birthday celebrations and now this weekend three different events, starting tonight. All worthwhile charities; although I don’t like being this “busy.” It stresses me out, and I constantly feel like I’ve forgotten something. Anxiety, I guess.

Tonight is the Gilbert Festival of Trees event. I’ll be bringing my camera to snap some shots of the variety of Christmas trees professionally decorated. I do enjoy decorating our tree, so I see this one as an opportunity to get some new ideas. Ideas that would be put into play for NEXT year. It’s much less expensive to try and get what I need the day after Christmas at half price. So this years tree will be similar to the last two years.

Up at 5:00 AM tomorrow morning to get ready for the Gilbert Western Days parade. Set up with a morning breakfast at 7:00 AM and then bussed to the different horse driven wagons in full western outfits. This one has me stressed. I can’t help but feel a little strange sitting in a wagon, going through Gilbert with people watching on the sidelines. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do. Sit there? Wave? Pick our noses? (That was a joke in case any Gilbert Western Days planners see this) The parade starts at 9:00 AM and hopefully will be mercifully less than an hour. I say this only because we need to get ready for the last benefit of the weekend for the Save the Family organization.

Other than another Festival of Trees for the city of Chandler the last Saturday of the month, the obligations end until after Christmas. Of course we kick into high gear for the Holidays with decorating, and Christmas shopping and what has become my Blogger Girlfriends Christmas brunch tradition. (This one is guaranteed to be fun!) Now if I can get the bartender Mr. 3T to learn how to make Lemon Drops like the Black Angus bar does, I know the girls will be happy!

Well it’s off to start getting ready. I’ve put off a pedicure so long, I’m embarrassed for my toes to be uncovered. Uncovered they will be for the events where a cocktail dress is on the list.

I admit, I like my routine to be slow and easy. I don’t mind that it strays from this on occasion. But this month has me walking a tightrope. I need to feel connected to my loved ones; daily. With so many distractions in the form of these events, I feel disconnected. One step at a time, I guess.

If I look at the whole weekend at once, it’s enough to throw me into an anxiety attack. I know once we’re at an event, I’ll have some fun. But the gearing up to it keeps me on a tightrope.

I hope whoever (if anyone) is left reading this page has a wonderful and relaxing weekend. Do it for me! As the word “relaxing” won’t be a part of my vocabulary THIS weekend.

Love,

3T

Painted Skies - Teri Johannes

We are ending the second week of back-to-school, and seem to be getting into our normal routine. Each year seems to bring a few more activities than the previous year. Which translates into more taxi-service and keeping track of times and places that the kids need to be.

We’re starting out on a good foot with Riley this year. Yesterday was the first teacher phone call of the year; and if you’ve been a reader for any length of time, you know it usually is not good. I see the school name on the caller ID, cringe and prepare myself for the inevitable, “Riley did this.” Or “Riley didn’t do that.”

Imagine my shock and delight, when she said she was calling to keep me up-to-date. Riley’s attitude has improved 10-fold, he is eager to get his work done, and to date has been a delight in her classroom. At which point I said, OK, and now for the “however.” Another shock when she said, “there is no however this time.” She went on to say, my sweet but occasionally obnoxious Riley, has managed to charm all of the girls in his class. *grinning* (He has to get that from me!)

Tayler is as busy as ever this year. She has added a few more activities to her extra curricular schedule. Another shock, she is in beginning dance, that from what I gather is a type of jazz dance. And of course needed jazz pants and leotard, the next day. The last two weeks have held quite a few last minute trips to pick up this supply or that supply. She is continuing violin, which makes me very happy. We’re going on the fourth year, so I anticipate concerts that will be even better than last year. This morning she informed me Mondays will hold another after-school activity. She along with one of her classmates and the help of a teacher advisor are starting a FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) group. A club I was part of in High Schoool as well. Although athletics and team sports were the last thing on my mind. I joined the group because I had a huge crush on the teacher advisor and of course I was a Christian. I did leave out the part about why I joined this particular club, when telling Tayler. Between drama and basketball, violin and now beginning dance, this young lady has a full schedule. Which would concern me, accept for the fact that she is more organized and prioritizes her time far better than I do even today! Hopefully some day she’ll teach ME how to stay on task.

As it’s Friday night, tonight is her first school dance of the year, followed by a party at her girlfriend Hannah’s house. Which will have me driving her to and fro this evening. Not only do I enjoy seeing her thrive in Jr. High school, I love how different experiences will bring up some of my old memories of those innocent early years. Kids can be such a complete an utter blessing a good deal of the time. Of course the rest of the time is spent in chaos. A point I won’t dwell on at the moment, since right now; life is good.

I’ve also noticed that my page views on my sparsely updated blog, has hit that one million mark! I do realize probably 75% is spammers, but still I’m astounded to have reached one million. (Lets just say I don’t usually stick with something long enough to reach a benchmark like this.) Hell, maybe I’m finally growing up!

And just for shits and giggles, here’s another self-indulgent quiz. It’s a diary, so self indulgence fits the theme! I hope ya’ll have a wonderful and relaxing weekend!

Love,
3T

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You’re often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

Sundown - Teri Johannes

Coming out of a bout with neck/back/Fibromyalgia episode. I remind myself of the many years I was up to no-good, and seemingly got away with it. Not that the two are linked. But I do think head-banging while slugging down screwdrivers in a nightclub, night-after-night, may very well play a role in the neck/back thing. Lesson to the young; skip the headbanging(It is just a form of whip-lash). It doesn’t hurt when you’re young, but eventually we all pay the piper!

And on a lighter note, I stumbled on to some more foolish, self-indulgent quizzes. Take them if you like. And leave your answers if you feel like it.

Hope all is well in your world!
Love,
3T

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don’t fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You’re Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: “What else do I need in my life?”

And who doesn’t love flowers?

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance. At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower. And at other times, you are wise like an iris. And more than you wish, you’re a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

Your Birth Month is September

Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Devotion, light, and love Your gemstone: Sapphire Your flower: Morning Glory Your colors: Brown and deep blue

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it’s hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

That was fun!

Man was not meant to live in 110-plus degree weather! Add high humidity, and you have a recipe for grouchy, irritable everyone! It’s time for Mother Nature to shit or get off the pot! In other words, bring on the storms! They’re entertaining anyway. The kids are bored and they have been home exactly two days. That didn’t take long.

We have a case of cabin fever. And probably a bit of a letdown for Riley and Tay, since they just got back from a two-week, busy vacation in Washington. Well the countdown begins. Two weeks and we’re headed for the San Diego beaches for relief.

Until then, the monsoons would be a nice diversion. And maybe bring the heat down to a more bearable 102?

Tomorrow I’ll drag the rugrats to the Mall with me, and start a little school clothes shopping. Yes, more shorts and t-shirts. I’m whining, I know. This is the time of year when it even gets to me. I love Arizona’s mild winters, and warm sun. But right before monsoons, when the humidity is up, even I start to wonder if we’ve moved into Hell.

Love,

3T