"Could you make my boobs 3 times their normal size please?" Was the first thing outta of my mouth, when we stepped into the little booth of the caricature artist. His response was, "Absolutely no problem. Art surgery, is my specialty." And my husband and I had a good time sitting there, while he drew our caricature. Even the rugrats, were fairly well behaved. Tayler actually was an angel as usual, Satan's Spawn (aka; Riley) did pretty good, although his quiet critique of the artist's efforts may have irritated our artist.

It has become our tradition to go to the Renaissance Festival http://emol.org/azrenfest/ once a year. This year was our fourth year, and we always have the best time there! There is so much to see and do there, that no two experiences there are ever the same. This year was no exception.

Kevin and I took my two youngest kids Tayler and Riley. We end up usually sort of splitting up, as the entertainment that Riley loves the best, are anything to do with weapons and violence.(and yes that does concern me) And there is plenty of it there! Tayler and I usually wander off to look at the many booths, while Riley goes from the paint guns to the arch bows, to the paint guns, and so on and so on, and so on. (In other words I can't remember the many weaponry games available to him, but there were tons of them!)

Tayler and I decided to have a Renaissance photo taken, and surprisingly enough, it turned out wonderful. The kids did the bungee jumping trampoline 4 times eacc, as well as the rock climb wall. Tayler beat her brother on that, and went all the way to the top. Riley got tired 2/3's of the way up though, and came down, much to Tayler's glee.

I will put our Renaissance photo's on my photo blog, as soon as I get them developed and off to Rachel at Bitchalicious.

Lunch is usually either steak on a stick, turkey legs, and Riley's favorite mac and cheese on a stick. Or as I'm fond of calling it, heart attack on a stick. Mac and cheese is clumped together, breaded and deep fried, for one big ol' pile of grease. Yes, I let him have it. One time a year shouldn't clog his arteries just yet. As he is the youngest and only one of my kids who would consider eating that mess, I cut him slack on Ren Fest day.

We had a wonderful time, and I recommend that anyone who lives in AZ try it at least once. I didn't think I would like it, and allowed Kevin to talk me into it. Since then I am more excited then the kids for this time of year. It is also a wonderful opportunity to bond with the kids and as a family, and yet the parents still have a lot of fun!

If you're ever coming to AZ, I would choose March (middle March) so you can be a part of this wonderful Festival. It made for a great day, and wonderful week-end with the kids!

Taking the kids to the Rennaisance Festival for the day! Beautiful day to do it. We go every year, but it's going to be hard to not get to blog, or peek here and there thru out the day!:-(

Like to take lot's of pics at the Festival, so that will keep me occupied. Wanna have my fortune read too. (Don't necessarily believe any of it, but it's fun)

I'll be back to read my faves, tonight!:-)

I just want to say, that my zeal for blogging has not waned in the least, contrary to the lack of posts might indicate. During "kids week" my time is far more limited. Because I do not have my children full time it becomes more important to spend MORE time with them, when I do.

Another factor has been my Physical Therapy 3 times a week, and then the endless procedures on my neck. Which I had one this morning, at 7:00 AM. With one more, major one where they wil deaden some nerves in my neck area in two weeks. Besides the practical side of treatment, the pain keeps me from sitting too many hours in a row at the desk.

So then comes the choices, do I read and catch up on all my favorite blogs? Or do I post. Well posting has lost out, more times then not in this area. As I continue to read the many favorites I have, I feel compelled to catch up on them. I feel like I know these people. (Am I losing my sanity feeling this way??? LOL)

Also, part of me is holding my breath, until the great web designer Rachel at Bitchalicious, presents me with my new design. Obsessed over this? Quite possibly. Why? I don't really care.
I'm excited, and I like that.

My Knight in Shining Armour aka; my husband also encourages me, and supports my new hobby. Which just adds more feel good all over feelings to dabbling in blogging. The only problem, is managing my time efficiently, and respoinsibly, so he will continue to exhort me.

On that note, I want to share his latest e-mail (aka; love letter) to me. It touched me deeply. And seeing how I whined on my blog, when we had a lousy week-end, I thought it only right to share the good stuff!

For a little background, he lost his father a week ago. And he is working thru his grief. Very healthily I might add. Remembering the good times, and coming to peace with his father's life, and death.
As well as trying to work thru feelings about a few of his siblings.

Subject :
my salvation


Inbox
Dearest:
I have to tell you something: My sister's chat in some ways greatly
disturbed me, mainly because of what she told me about my two whacked
sisters. I started thinking last night about Marlene, wondering how someone
who once had such a good heart could have veered off into this state of
craziness, rage and hatred. I spent the rest of the time you and I had last
evening fighting off these thoughts. I was partly sorry for her, but far
far more than that was just trying to figure it out. Yes, I guess there
were some major, easily identifiable turning points, Y's in the road that I
can see as clear as day. Yet, what influenced her to take the wrong fork in
that road mystifies and saddens me. Jenny in some ways is a different
story. I think she made her choices so long ago that she probably can't
remember making them.
But that's not the real reason I mention Marlene here. Because the more I
thought of this mystery yesterday and this morning, the more I marveled at
God for bringing you into my life. I thought to myself how I could have
made mistakes after moving to Arizona, because I was on the verge of bad
behavior when you miraculously appeared in my life. It was as if God
stretched a long arm and plucked me from a path of self-destructive
behavior with women, drink, and whatever. A path that would quickly have
led to an empty, meaningless existence where I would have neither
rediscovered my faith nor had much to live for, where maybe I would have
continued to allow myself to be sucked in to the melodrama of my family
just because I thought I was "helping" and that somehow was finding meaning
in my life.
But instead of coming home to an empty house, I come home to you. Instead
of pursuing one woman after another in some stupid, desperate effort to
find my reckless youth or chase aging away, I have a wife to love and
family to invest my energies into. Instead of looking into life's meaning
and finding no answers, I now see God working his wondrous ways in both our
lives.
And so, whether you like to admit it or not, Tamber, you have been my
salvation. And because I recognize that, I cherish everything about you.
It's why I don't care if you don't like housework or making dinner. It's
just not important to me.
What is important is that I be a good, faithful, honest and open husband in
every way to you, and that you know that.
And so I look at today, as I do each day, as another opportunity to show
you that:
I love you, my bride,
with all my heart.

I truly love my husband's writing, and his way of being able to open up and articulate his feelings, and his thoughts. Since it is such a big part of my life, I decided, that when one of his letters evoke great emotions in me, I'm going to post it here, where I can pull them up any time I want to.

The daily grind of day to day life, can easily erode the romance and love that brought two people together. Kevin's letters are always a reminder of that romance and love. It's a few quiet moments for him, while he's writing them, and for me, while I'm reading them, to reflect on our romance. Not just our partnership in the grind of day to day life. I do respond to his letter's as well. But as I am not as talented with words as he is, they are a far cry from his poetic paragraphs. At any rate, here was my inept response.

Your e-mail today, left me speechless. Speechless and humbled. You deserve a wife who turns your home into an orderly haven. Who makes your every meal with the love and tenderness she feels. I feel this, and I want this, but my discipline at times is so lacking (much like my youngest)
I want you to know though, that I do feel all the things for you, that you feel for me. You are my salvation, and the meaning to my life. You are my better half.
And I love you with all my heart and soul my husband!

P - T - Q

Prayer : Dear Lord, please grant us the strength to overcome our weaknesses.. And thank you for helping us meet this day with serenity and calmness. Amen.

Thought : "Life is denied by lack of attention, whether it be to cleaning windows or trying to write a masterpiece." -Nadia Boulanger, French music teacher (1887-1979)

Quip : "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." -- Rita Rudner

I hope everyone's week-end is a good one!

I got this today from a website that sends me an e-mail called The Mouthpeice. I thought it was cute, and it made me chuckle, so here it is. I'm off to do all the errands I have let build up, because I was too busy reading everyone's blogs. That's much more fun, then daily life errands!

And the weather outside has improved drastically, as has my mood with it.

By the way, Will's (AGE 7) is my favorite comment. He is the last one.





[m] b i t s . n . b o b s CHILDREN'S DEFINITIONS OF MARRAIGE

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." -Eric, AGE 6

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." Bert AGE 5

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." -Kirsten, AGE 10

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." -Anita, AGE 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, AGE 7 ____________________________________________________________

Said with sarcasm. Manic, probably does not define it. More like Monday blahs. Geeze I don't like mondays! I don't work outside the home, and still I don't like them. Some are better then others, this one sucks. What monday represents is a work week, even for stay at home moms. I won't get into the mudane aspects, and not because of what you might think. My husband handles a lot of the laundry. OK, MOST of the laundry. It just never has sit very high on my list.

When we were dating, and I was working fulltime, this got even worse. He came over to find me in a depressed heap, staring at a good 15 loads of laundry, wondering how in the hell it got so bad, and why hadn't I seen it coming. Hubby tells it, that this was indeed the one time he wondered what he was letting himself in for, hooking up with the mother of 3 children. The oldest still living at home at the time.

Anyway, back to the depressed heap that was me. He had called, and I had made it abundantly clear, that seeing him was outta the question, the laundry was over running the apartment, and threatening to become a health hazard if I didn't address this problem immediately. I knew damn well that I would not work at it during the work week. He being the aggressive take charge man that he is, said it wasn't a big deal, he would help catch me up. My best friend at the apts. also came over, seeing the state of things, she too said she would help. There are times when I definitely bring out the co-dependent in friends and lovers, and usually housework and laundry are tied to it somehow.

Rox immediately went to work cleaning my kitchen. Kevin looked at the laundry in stunned shock, recovered quickly, and initiated poker face mode. He decided that we would load up ALL loads and take them to a luandry mat, where they could be whipped out in no time. Rox kept working on my apartment, and Kevin decided we would take my kids and Rox's with US. With loaded down laundry baskets, and bags of hangars and 4 kids in tow, we were off.

I am a hipocrite of the worse kind. Had I been dating a man with kids, well, other then casual dating, and walked in on this scene, I would have ran for cover, and never looked back! Not that this would happen, since I had decided I would not get serious with a man who had children. I know, how hypocritical can I be, right? I have great admiration for families that come together, with his and hers in the way of offspring. The melding of so many different family values and priorities, just seems like an impossible mountain to climb. I know other families do this, and my hats off to them. I just knew I didn't have that kind of strength, or stamina, OR energy to try and make that work.

Well laundry took us approximately 4 hours to wash, dry, fold and hang, and then reload into the family minivan. By then all 4 kids were starved as well as boyfriend and myself. (Some date huh!? lol) We ate outside, at Sonic, with the skies grey and sprinkling. I think my now- husband remembers this day with nightmares. As ever since, he doesn't even allow any time to elapse, before constantly throwing laundry into the washer. And always remembering to put it into the dryer. I get sidetracked so easily, that a lot of my problem is forgotten laundry. That, and outta sight outta mind mentality.

So when I address monday blahs, it usually has little to do with the mundane chores of laundry and sheet washing, etc. It has to do with getting everyone out the front door in the morning, and reflecting on the week-end. As well as looking around at the morning clutter, and trying to put it back into order.

This morning as I reflect on the week-end it is with disappontment. It had all the makings of a decent week-end. The week-end with just my spouse, as the kids were with their father. My husband and I have far more beautiful alone week-ends, always with some unexpected twists and turns, but good. This Easter week-end does not qualify by a longshot.

Friday he is usually beat up from a long work-week, and this one was no exception. We usually rent movies, scrounge for whatever for dinner, and just take it easy. Saturday we had planned out "date night". We always enjoy going to musicals or plays. While we were dating we had gone to the Gammage Theatre a few times. But in Mesa there is also a small theatre called the Broadway Palms. They had Guys and Dolls playing, so we got tickets, and planned an evening meal out.

We broke open a bottle of champagne before going, and of course drank the whole damn thing. Decided to have dinner after the fact, and just head over to the theatre. We got there a little early and sat up to the bar, where I had a Cosmo, and he had a pepsi. (He was driving.) The headache set in minutes after sitting down in the theatre. And then the sleepiness. And then the lead in the play had more of an operatic voice. In fact trying to sing in lower keys then opera, were less then successful. The headache got worse, I closed my eyes and tried tuning her (the lead singer) out. What I succeeded in doing was to doze off. Several times during the first acts. I kept my head turned away from my husband so he wouldn't know. But by intermission, I had had my fill, of Guys and Dolls done with an operatic lead, that I truly wanted to strangle silent.

We headed outside for a cigarette, and I thought I would fish to see if he was enjoying the performance. Thank God he was just as bored and tired and restless and hungry as I was. For the record, I do believe my ability to enjoy the theatre is directly related to my mood at the
time. She may very well have been considered talented, but if the mood isn't right, I'm not going to see it. We headed over to Charelstons for dinner. Another huge collasal disaster. I was in the mood for another prime rib. They had a few peices left, but they were medium rare. Way to pink for my tastes, but I chose it anyway. The garlic mash, tasted "funny" The salad dressing tasted off, and was almost warm, which always sends up red flags. The dinner overall wasn't even a close second to Houstons steak house. Which we had just had the previous week when Delta was visiting.

By the time we got home, I was fighting a massive headache, tinged with mild nausea, and just weak. This was also supposed to be a romance night. That, we both could see was not gonna be happening either.

Sunday, or Easter, was lackluster and flat. We didn't have the enthusiasm to even put an Easter dinner together. We took this beautiful ham, and made sandwiches out of it. Got into a bickering fight, that usually has me trying to run away. (hop in the car, and drive off) He cannot stand this, and will literally stand behind my vehicle, blocking my path, so I can go no where. My father has heard this before and laughed. He remembers a Tamber who would go into an uncontrollable rage, and would just as soon run over anyone who got in my way. (I've mellowed, or gotten older, or maybe I'm just too damn tired to fight like that anymore) He can't understand how a man who knows me and is married to me, would possibly take that kinda gamble.

At any rate Kevin will not allow me to run, and eventually we hash thru shit. And we did, and we settled in to watch a movie. This was with Annette Benning, called Being Julia. I enjoyed it, but it was a slower moving movie, which put Kevin to sleep fairly quickly. Soon there after the kids were back. So basically the week-end that gives my husband and I a chance to re-connect as lovers, didn't even resemble that. It was not from some lack of effort in trying to create it either.

I find when this happens, it will put me in a real funk. And so I am, and so here I sit. The skies here in AZ are grey and dreary, with the threatening look of rain in the sky. Guess this fits my mood. And still I haven't attempted to clean up from the morning.

We are two weeks away from the opportunity to replace the memory of our shitty week-end together, and that depresses me. My goal, my conscious goal was quite the opposite. It's times like these, that I do believe in the stars, and the cosmos. They either work for you, or against you.

My father, a wise man, and bus driver for intercity transit, has a different theory. He says that whenever you "brag" on your spouse to others, prepare to have what you've said contradicted with a huge blow out. This would be in line with things that I have posted of late. He is a wonderful man, but happily ever after, and no effort in making things wonderful, are just not a reality. At least not a reality for us.

Marraige is not all warm fuzzies, and romance. At times, it can be quite the opposite. I debated on whether to write the truth, and decided to. This is my journal after all, and I don't want it to reflect this idealistic fairytale. Even what I normally consider the best marraige in the world, has those days you just as soon forget. We had a few this week-end.

I wanted to post my husband words, and thoughts about his dad. It ultimately was his loss, and pain, that Chet's passing has caused. My role, is and has been to be there for him, to listen when he wants to talk, to hug him when he needs comfort. I hope I am doing a decent job of it. But I cannot take away his grief.

My groom has always written me an e-mail, everyday that he works, since we started dating 4 years ago. (I am amazed at this, and love and cherish each and everyone of his words) A lot of the letters usually have to do with, whatever we may be dealing with at the time, or an upcoming Holiday, or guests coming to stay. So it made perfect sense to me, that he would chose his letter to me, to honor the memory of his father.

I am posting his letter that he sent to me. To keep it safe, and viewed here on a site that I spend a good deal of my time.



Subject :
in his honor

Inbox
Dearest:
I'm sitting at the dining room table, where I have been nearly 90 minutes,
wrestling with Excel sheets and thinking about my dad. It's funny, when I
was an altar boy and served mass at funerals, I would always gaze at the
coffin and think about my parents with dread as I prayed that I would never
see them in that box, at least not before I either was called to God or
maybe got older.
God heard me, I know, and gave me and them the gift of a long life. It
wasn't an easy one, but I guess God decided what they could bear and they
bore everything he threw at them with grace and strength and unshaken
faith. And so today is the official day that we will say goodbye to Chet,
gone but not forgotten.
I thought of all that he was as a man and marveled over God's creation,
God's sense of humor, the utter complexity with which he created man and
this man in particular.
I know that my sibs will be crying and acting like he was actually alive in
that box in a way, but I do hope they draw a lot of comfort and joy in
knowing he had been around for a long time and had given what he could to
all of us.
So as I write this to you, thinking of him, I will pray for this:
That I never be as cranky or bitter as he was at most times, but that I am
as hard working and loyal a husband as he also was.
That I never turn my attention so completely to the distractions of TV as
he often did, but that I be as attentive to my wife as he was in my mom's
later years.
That I not shout with anger at the injustices of life, but instead use the
talents he helped me develop through his support and discipline to do my
best to undo some of those injustices.
That I not weep for joy only at Christmas time as he did when all his
family was around, but instead marvel a nd even weep with joy every single
day when I think of all God has given me, especially the gift he gave me in
you.
That I not develop a sour attitude toward life because of the many
challenges he bore with shoulders straight and instead think of his
strength and his will to survive when God throws a curve ball at me.
That I, like him and my mom, never again forget my faith or store it on a
shelf and instead try to practice His Word during every waking moment.
That I always remember that he loved me and toiled endlessly as a young and
middle aged man to keep his family out of harm's way and that I do the same
with you and the kids.
And finally, I hope that as he joins my mom in eternity that he can look at
me, warts and all, and take pride in what he helped raise and draw comfort
in the fact that I have finally found, as he did in my mom, a woman to whom
I am bound for life--and whatever comes after that.
I love you, my bride
with all my heart.

What a man I married! I am amazed at my good fortune in finding him. And in God's amazing grace, at giving me happiness in this man I married. I have made tons of mistake over the years, I am not a model Christian, that religous churches would point at in pride. But He blessed me anyway.

This Holy of Holidays, I will take the time out to thank my Christ for all He did when He went to the cross to cover my sins! (And damn but there are a lot of them!) I will thank Him for bringing this most wonderful of men to head up my household, to love and help care for my, I mean OUR children. I pray God always gives me the strength to be the kind of wife this man deserves. This day that we call Easter, is the basis of Christianity. Without it, there would be no Christianity. He had to rise out of death to make it so. His message in life; To love one another. Christ's message is simple, He made it that children would understand it. It is men, who took His message, and made it their own tiny little government and empire. Man wrapped Christ's teachings and life up in technicalities, stipulations, and hoops to jump thru.

This Easter, I won't be attendng church. The Churches will be filled with honest people who love and honor their Christ. I might be dead wrong, but I cannot get past man turning His beautiful message, in what we know today as The Christian Church here in the United States.

If the Chrisitan Church brings Christ's believers true joy, and the love that He taught, it serves the purpose that it should. For myself, I pray to my God daily, I thank Him for His blessings often, and I try to show the love that Christ put into my heart, the day I consciously took Him as my Lord. I fail often, which is the reason that I need a Saviour. That we all need a Saviour.

Whatever your doing this holiest of holy Holidays, I wish you His peace, love and comfort in your lives. I pray that we all take a moment, to meditate on what He did when He willingly went to the cross for our sins. And rose from the grave 3 days later.

I wish everyone a happy and Blessed Easter.

Go over to Rachel's site http://www.bitchalicious.com/blog/ and learn a few more facts, and thoughts about her. Rachel agreed to let me interview her, and she has posted her answers! I want to thank her for allowng me to pry a little into her personal life, and work on my interviewing skills.(Even though I cheated by having my husband who was a reporter for well over two decades, help me with the questions.) She is also conducting interviews to those who say that want to be interviewed in her comments.

I have spent a good portion of the morning and the late evening doing nothing but reading blogs! It is truly addictive, and takes conscious effort for me to tear myself away, to complete tasks I am expected to complete. So in my effort to be more aware of my priorities, I have posted the Twelve Step Internet Recovery Program, for your reading pleasure. I took this off of an e-mail joke site called The Mouthpeice e-mail address ezine@gophercentral.com Some of these are far too famalier some days around here....

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM 1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet. 7) I will read a book...if I still remember how. 8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet. 9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Inter- net. 12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow! ____________________________________________________________
P - T - Q from the AZ Republic @ www.azcentral.com

Prayer : Dear Lord, Please give us the wisdom and guidance to live our lives with joy and fulfillment. Amen.

Thought : Kindness consists in loving people more then they deserve. - Joseph Joubert, French Moralist (1754-1824)

Quip : If gas gets anymore expensive, we deserve to know the vintage and smell the cork.

DAILY GRIND french roast mixed with to do list.
Well tomorrow I have to behave myself and get more things done around my household. Which means cutting out some blogging time in the morning and during the day. Kids go back with their dad tomorrow evening, which means I can stay up late, reading until my hearts content.

I want to try and make appts. for Kevin to get a massage, while I get a facial on Saturday. Hopefully I didn't wait too long to make an appt. for Saturday. I think a little pampering would do him some good right now. And might just put us both in the mood for some romancing. Which ultimately is the goal to begin with. It's our week-end without the kids, which usually turns our attention in this direction to begin with.

On the to do list, get birthday gifts mailed out to my father and mother. Theirs are only two weeks apart, which makes shipping a little easier anyway. Also I need to work on gathering up and labeling photo's for photo blog. Grocery shop, and go to post office.

Bedtime is whispering my name. Actually that's my husband. But as it is 2:45 AM; the bed is looking very seductive. Well, that's my husband too, except I think it's due to the fact that he's half asleep, not that he's feeling amorous. At any rate, g'nite;-)