I need a break from dwelling on the Curse of February's past. Just couldn't summon the brain power to complete it. And, I am pissed off! I really tried hard today, to set aside my hang-ups on February. And to get some things done.

The Ex asked me to take the kids tonight so he could go to some pharmacist convention dinner thing in Phoenix. And since I am hitting him up for a few dates to take the kids in March, I willingly agreed. (We each take the kids a week on, week off) So I thought I would make the evening special, and I baked a German Chocolate cake. It turned out beautifully if I do say so myself. It's hard not to slice off a HUGE peice and eat myself sick! The only thing stopping me, is it really does look all pretty, without a peice missing from it. So, I'll wait.

The kids love my meatloaf so I whipped up three of them. The hubby likes meatloaf sandwiches, so there will be plenty even after dinner. I went and got some major grocery shopping done today too. $200.00 later.....and I'm thinkin I need to RE think what it is we eat! That could have been a couple of new outfits (kidding, sort of)

Still trying to change my outlook.... Safeway had the most beautiful tulips out! I got a red group, pink, and kind of a bright pink and white mixed. And with it actually raining here in Mesa, I thought it would cheer up the house. I spent an hour putting together 3 vases of the tulips, mixing the colors. And I actually smiled at how they brightened both the diningroom and livingroom.

I was just finishing up cleaning the kitchen from the baking and cooking, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, when the damn faucet literally popped off! The solid stream shot right up into my face, splashing water everywhere and soaking the hell outta me! I called Kevin and told him what happened, and he, bless his heart is handling this one! In other words the plumber will either be out tonight or tomorrow. If I didn't know better, I would think I was having an affair with the plumber. As this will be his 3rd (count 'em) time out to our house in the last 6 days! We haven't seen him for almost a year, and now 3 times in one week. Did I mention that it's February?

First let me say, that the plumber, is kinda a jack of all trades. It doesn't matter what goes wrong, or needs fixing, we call him. His work is top notch, and he is far more affordable then most plumbing corps. So he was scheduled to come out to the house on Saturday. As the water softener attached to the water heater started leaking all over. Pissed off about that, I told him I just wanted the damn thing removed. It is just somthing else that needs maintenanced on a regular basis, and now is broken. I felt I would save hassle and money in the long run, just putting up with the desert hard water. At the same time, the dryer went haywire. The laundry room was filling up with heat, whenever it was on, and the dryer was getting WAY too hot. So I had my ducks in a row, calling him out to fix TWO things. Friday night though, the washer broke mid cycle, and water was leaking all over from under it.(By the way, all said appliances are exactly 2 yrs old, this shouldn't be happening!) So another phone call in to Colson, so he would be prepared, because his list of things to fix, was now up to 3. Colson spent most of Saturday here with me the kids and Kevin. On the upside, all three only cost $190.oo to fix! (I'm trying to find the silver lining here)

We bid Colson farewell around 5:00 PM. By 6:00 PM the toilet in the master bedroom started leaking all over. The tank just kept filling up, and wouldn't stop. I played with it, Keving played with it....it just wouldn't cooperate. So we called Colson again! He was back out around 11:00 AM on SUNDAY. Yes, I said SUNDAY! Everybody knows, you do your best to NOT call a plumber out on Sunday. Even Colson, is going to charge more on a Sunday! He was with us for a few hours on Sunday, as the insides of the toilet were shot and needed to be rebuilt. (or whatever it is plumbers do to it.) All I know is he had some kinda caulking glue gun, and had all the peices spread out all over the floor. And that bill, $120.00 I guess since it was Sunday it could have cost more then what he charged us. So now the tally of things breaking down is up to 4.

This evenings mishap, I have no idea, what thats gonna cost. I do know it brings the tally of broken items to 5. And it looks like we are making Colson's car payement this month.

I can handle having to deal with repairs of odds and ends, on ocassion. But give me an fucking break! This is just off the wall! That 5 things would go on the fritz in 1 weeks time???

Well Kevin just called. Colson is on his way over. So, I will have him working on the sink, with my meatloafs sitting out, and a cake. Gee, I wonder if I should invite him to dinner. He's here as much as any other family member. And within 45 minutes the kids should be barreling thru the front door too. With the Ex in tow. Did I mention that this is PMS week? I think women during PMS week, should not have to deal with anything out of the ordinary, during their special time.

Unfortunately the February curse is ruthless. It takes no prisoners. And the only goal, to drive me to the brink of insanity. Either with catastrophe's regarding myself, or those I love. Or just by chipping away at me, with minor mishaps, coming in torrents. Unrelentless mishaps, one right after another. I think, and actually I would rather, February come with the minor mishaps. And usually after one really bad catastrophe, the following year will be more mionor mishaps. 2004 was the family crisis, and actually two of them, almost simultaneously. So I am due for just constant chaos this year. And to date, that is what has been happening.

But I am going to put that aside, or try to. I would like to spend a quiet evening with my children and my husband. Without anything else going wrong. Just a calm, uneventful, boring evening at home with the family. That's all I want. Really. And I promise to feel blessed. Well, for the evening anyway.

OK, it seems that I didn't communicate that well about February being cursed. Which is why I really didn't want to break it into two parts. But my penchant for tedious detail is just far too strong, to make it one post. I have received a few e-mails hinting at "maybe I am being just too darn shallow about Valentines day." This is about February being cursed. Not just that intrepid Holiday.

Unfortunately my attention to detail does not succeed, where the memory has slipped. In other words, I cannot remember ALL of the little nasty details of February, from days gone past. Not that I am excusing this sorry excuse for a "Holiday." It sucks, plain and simple. This is a day that takes a magnifying glass to people's loneliness, and makes them painfully aware of their status as single. Alone. For a full 24 excruciating hours.(And yes, I am aware not everyone feels this way, who is single. This is my personal opinion, not just based on my personal experience by the way. But by those of some of my single friends as well.) The air reeks on this oh so special day, of an attitude of "WHO loves you?" And where is the monetary proof of it? And we, who are married, a lot of times perpetuate this, by flashing "the goods" in our officemates, friends, and loved ones faces. Those who's desks lay bare of flowers, candy boxes, etc.

As I have aged, this in some ways has become less prevalent. And singles are more pro active then in the decades of past. The womens movement, shows like "Sex and the City", even dating sites online, all celebrate singledom. And I'm all for it! I just don't see why we need to take a day, and demand our spouses, boyfriends, significant others and partners run out and spend money to up the sales of flower shops, candy shops, and card companys. It is rediculous. And I have for many years now, put a moratorium on any such behavior on this day. Much to both of my last two husbands delight. The pressure is off. They don't have to find that perfect somthing or other to make me feel special and loved. I make me feel special. And they did/tried as well 364 other days a year.

So I ask, as I write here in my personal blog, to please hold the judgements, about my total shallow attitude as I write about childhood, teenage and early adult attitudes toward Valentines days gone past. I don't apologize for them either. They helped shape who I am today, and I like who that is. Wrong, right, deep or shallow.

And, on a lighter note, I received this e-mail from my adorable husband, whom yes, I have convinced as well, that February is cursed. (And done so not by my attitudes, but by the sheer number of mishaps that happen horribly, in this month) One other side note, I have g/f's who are born in Feb. whom I celebrate their special day with. February is only cursed for me. Some friends have even named other months, where they say, they hit the wall due to circumstances that pile up during their "cursed month".

OK, let me first explain, that my adorable husband, is a top executive, at a big company. He dresses impeccably. (I have the dry cleaning bill to prove it) Once actually in January he came home from a long day at the office, and unloaded the normal stuff of his day. We were chatting amicably, when I looked down at his feet, and saw he was wearing two black dress shoes, NOT the same style. He had gone completely thru his day unaware he was wearing different shoes. I can't even imagine the snickers that may have played out, as underlings noticed their boss, wearing two different shoes. I know personally I would have had a hey day with it!!!

So here is this mornings e-mail from my Knight in Shining Armour:


Subject :
February curse






Inbox
February struck again today.
I left the house, got your smokes, then head for work at 6:10. I get to the
garage after a fairly easy drive at 6:30. I get out, glance down at my
feet--and see I wore a black shoe and a brown shoe.
For a second I contemplated trying to make it through the day that way, but
fortunately, I could hear you in my mind saying, Are Your CRAZY??
So I went back home, got the right shoes, and spent in all another hour and
15 minutes on the road.
I love you babe.
I need a hug.
Your hug.


I realize, that to some, this would seem like a small thing, really. And it is. What you will see in part two, is that it is a consistent string of "small things" that adds up to a straight jacket and padded cell.

I guess what I am doing here, is purging myself of somthing that in years past, I have been completely neurotic about. That I allowed these things to steal my humor and my joy out of 28 days. I would sink into depression and fear, literally allowiing "the curse" to control me completely. My mother would often console me, with the only thing she could think to say, when faced with the myriad of mishaps; she would say, "Cheer up Tamber, at least February IS the shortest month of the year."And I applaud her for trying....

In retrospect, I believe the curse started oozing its way into my life, all the way back in kindergarten. It was the first sign (albeit small and subtle) that the month of February was not my friend. In fact, it was an enemy, established to drive me to the brink of insanity. And there have been several February's over the years, that nearly succeeded in doing it.

That February in 1968 (kindergarten year), I remember working so hard to complete each and every little Valentine day card for my classmates. And, as anyone with kids can attest to, it can take a good while for a 5 yr old to write out their name on each little Valentine card. But, as my obsessive/compulsive traits were well on their way to being firmly ingrained, along with my perfectionistic view on things, I was going to go one better. So I set about to the task of putting each calssmates name on the envelope. This took me hours!! the night before the party. I painstakingly worked to be as neat as possible. I was exausted by the time my head hit the pillow. But ready for my very first Valentine Day party!

The problem is, that finding each classmates gigantic heart shaped scribbled on envelope, with their names messily put somewhere on it, took time. In fact it took the whole damn party for me to make my way thru half of my cards. Treats sat uneaten on my desk, classmates chatted, laughed and had fun, while I toiled away at getting them their frickin' cards!!! Party ended, and I was sent home, only half way thru my task. Mrs. F had me just put the remainder on my desk, to "give the kids the following monday." I cried the whole 3 blocks home, and then again, when mom asked me what was wrong. The following monday of course, had me hunting high and low for the remainder of cards, that I learned years later, the janitor had tossed in the garbage when he cleaned up our classroom. Yes, this was my first taste of depression associated with February, AND Valenintes Day.

And it was by no means my last. Although my memories of early Feb's have dimmed with the years, the tone was usually the same. My beautiful, blonde bubbly cheerleader sister, was overwhelmed in H.S. with various Valentines, usually coming from various boys. ( We were only a year and a half apart in age, so the sibling rivalry thing was always a part of day to day life.) In this area Trina always won hands down. I would usually do my best to stay away from her, during this excruciating time of year. It always seemed, I was not dating anyone during V day. Not that that ever affected Trina's ability to rack in the loot. She was bubbly and outgoing. I was more quiet, and reserved. (at school only) She was a cute little 5'4" I was a looming 5'10" She had blonde bouncy hair, I was brunette. (my penchant for blonde jokes were often fueled by my adorable little sister) I know it had little to do with looks, because my sister had overheard the neighbor ladies discussing the two of us with mom, and the consensus was that Tamber had got the beauty. So that brings us to what? shitty personality? too damn tall? too shy? Whatever it was, I spent far too much time analyzing why the opposite sex had failed to live up to any expectations I may have wanted, regarding Valentines Day.

So this brings me in to "the adult years." Where lets just say, I learned how to be much more outgoing, and flirtatious. And had been taught (with the aid of an uncooked hot dog) by one of my sluttier girlfriends, how to give a blow job. Like any task I set out to learn, I wanted to be the best. This she said, would enable me to keep the boyfriend, without giving away my virginity. I was soon dating from H.S. the very popular and rich (if daddy's money counts!) Brett. He drove a MG convertible, which to an 18 yr old girl was impressive. (Not condusive with necking in though. or other more intimate activities) We quit seeing each other in the middle of January. ( The cheap prick!) Which gave me two things to mourn in Feb. Breaking up, and no valentines, yet again. So much for the lessons.

The following Feb. found me with hubby #1. Who had assured me after my tales of woe reagrding this gloomy "holiday" that he was going to make it my best! And he did. I received every form of Valentine you could think of. Candy, flowers, cards, a gold necklace, and 4 foot tall heart, he covered in tin foil and wrote a love letter on. (Corny, but I finally had realized my dreams of a romantic V-day.) The problem? I also received what was the first of many beatings. I am not going to go into the gory details, other then to say, that on Feb. 15th I had 2 black eyes, and various bruises all over my face, neck and arms. This pretty much made the rest of Feb. a hazy depression, that had me walking around like a zombie in The Dawn of the Dead.

The following February found me signing the divorce papers. Which I guess at this point didn't really matter. The depression of divorce tinged many months that year. Although I have the clear memory of the divorce being final that month.

My memories of the years to come are much more clear. And vivid in their detail. And did end up making each member of my family a believer (although they deny it once Feb is over) in the month that was/is cursed. As well as any close friends that were the audience for my misery.

But as I headed thru the end of 1984, I had discovered the "I don't need a boyfriend/husband thing to make me happy. So I was already steeling myself for the coming 1985 Feb. Working hard to brainwash myself into making Feb, just another month.....

I have found a few more blogs that I am very excited about! So, as mentioned in previous posts, and whining, since I have yet to figure out how to add them on the side of my posts, Im going to tell about them here.

First is http://dayatbeach.blogspot.com/ I am very excited about finding Sis! She is a 30 somthing married housewife, with 4 kids, and 4 cats! A cat lover who is married, with children! I am already enjoying e-mails to and from her. I find a kinship in the similarities of our lives, and her down to earth, warm writing. I am very much looking forward to "getting to know her" better, and read about her day to day interests and activities. And being able to relate with her on life as mom. And sis, even your instructions on adding to the template had my mind bloggled....but I am going to keep reading yours and what blogger says until it sinks in!

Next, another one I was extremly happy to run across was http://www.zamonline.blogspot.com/zam2.htm She is an absolutely wonderful writer! And I love her web site design. Her posts kept me reading until I was thru a good deal of them. I gather that she is single,(I think. I better go back and re-read some stuff.) and she has a brother whose quotes are funny and a lot of fun to read in the comment section as well!

Both gals would/will be on my favorites list as soon as I can figure out HOW to put one on. (I know I'm sounding like a broken record. I'm slow at this computer stuff, but eventually I will get it!) Go and check them out!

Actually, these blogs were what I most wanted to post today, and I've done it. Any minute now, my calm quiet day will end, and my kids will be coming thru the door, demanding snacks! (They are with their father this week, but I like Robby (20 yr old son) to bring the kids over on his way to dropping Tayler off at Girl Scouts. I also have a huge bag of oranges from one of our orange trees for the GS leaders family I wanted him to pick up.

Followed my my adorable husband who should be coming in from work anytime. I try not to blog when he is home in evenings, because we get so little time together on work nights. I'll miss football season for one reason. It gave me time to read blogs, and post while he watched the games. There will be a little adjustment not having part of Sunday to myself for blogging. Although I love when we get time uninterrupted!

Today's P - T - Q


Prayer: Lord, help us to believe in ourselves, so that we can move forward with a postive attitude. And thank you for blessing us with strength, hope and courage.


Thought: Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study. Be a student so long as you still have somthing to learn, and this will mean all your life. - Henry Doherty, American businessman and utlilities expert (1870-1939)


Quip: Marriages may be made in heaven, but the only repair shops are on Earth.

I had my first epidural cortisone injection on Friday morning. They said it would take approximately 24 hours for me to notice a difference. And I DID notice a difference. After the continous pain of the last 3 weeks or so (the days kinda ran together) I was euphoric! The level of pain has dropped dramatically! I was astounded! Excited! Happy! Cautious. I don't want to ever be in that much pain again! Next shot is scheduled in two weeks. And I should start physical therapy sometime after that.

I want to thank my homegirls Jackie and Jenny, for coming to visit me when I got back on friday. It was wonderful to just hang out and chat for a while. The roses too were gorgeous! I do thank God for having such a wonderful, supportive group of friends. You girls are abso-f_cking-lutely the BEST!

I have to admit though, when I went to get that procedure done I was down right child-like afraid! It was scary, laying on my stomache, awake, in a surgery room, with oxygen shoved in my nose, and an IV out one arm, and some weird thinga-majiggy stuck to my finger (what I assume was reading my pulse?) And knowing they were coming at me, with needles to stick into my neck and back area. I have to admit to some petrified praying!

Prior to entering the intimidating surgical room, I was in the recovery/prep room, waiting to see my Knight in Shining Armour (aka; pain specialist, doctor extrordinaire) OK, actually my husband is my knght in shining armour, but this man was going to get me outta pain!! That rates pretty f-ing high! And I find this uncomfortable to admit, but he looks so YOUNG! Not necessarily Doogie Howser young. But geeze! It's hell when we start getting older, and these prefessionals who service our lives in one form or another look so damn young!

What was worse, is he was devastatingly handsome to boot! Here I am, feeling at my absolute worst, (and looking pretty much the same as that) and in walks tall dark and handsome. "Goodmorning Tamber, how are we feeling today?" Me: uhhhhhh, I've been a lot better......This "doctor" has the looks of a model! I am not exaggerating! (On ocassion, I can be prone to one from time to time) But this was not one of them. He was tan, with dark hair, deep set eyes, chiseled features, tall. And very warm eyes, that made me very warm. (I'm married, not dead!)

This was my second meeting with Dr. tall, dark and handsome, and I very MUCH wanted to put on the full set of make-up. But feeling like shit......well, and the fact that my husband scowled when I said maybe I ought to put some make-up on....he isn't blind either....and knew exactly what might motivate me to feel the need to look my best. I sighed and skipped it. But I made sure to put on that special outfit. (we all have one) You know the one that says comfortable casual, (and loose fitting, due to unfortunate procedure instructions) but soft, feminine, and EXPENSIVE. I don't own a lot of said outfits, cashmere sweaters don't really fit in to my lifestyle, and budget, but cha gotta have one! And I do, and I did.

Now this has nothing to do with wanting Dr. Gorgeous, and even thinking I could possibly turn his head. And I don't even want to. I have Mr. Perfect already, I married him. And I also find Mr. Perfect extremely handsome, sexy, magnetic, etc...What this has to do with, is, when one is confronted with such dynamic, intimidating, good looks, and one has to actually converse with said male specimen, one wants to possess every bit of confidence that one can muster up. And with women, we bring in the big guns! That special outfit, that maticulously applied make-up application, that says we know who we are, and we can be at ease with anyone anywhere. (yes, I realize that isn't true in every situation, but this is our self image on the line here) Or mine anyway. And it's bad enough I am in pain, and looking like death warmed over. In my case, all I could bring in was "the outfit" and I did. I am getting "older", and I am married, but I am far from dead, and I wanted that much to show. Dr. Gorgeous took me outta some pain, and is going to finish the job. At least I can be respectably, aesthetically pleasing. And I think I minimally pulled it off, minus the make-up. But, I do have another appt. in two weeks.....

Today I have been all over, blog reading. There are so many different types of blogs, and so many blogs, it's mind boggling. And just the small number of blogs I have read to date, vary from specialized topics, to story telling, to "on the job insights" to day to day life. And more still on just the random inner thoughts of people. To almost a confessional, somewhere that different bloggers are dumping their "dirty laundry". Blogs on the lives or prostitutes/call girls, addicts, recovering addicts, sex blogs, religous blogs, mommy blogs, political blogs, psychological blogs, students of philosophy, you get the picture. And I am sure most are already aware of it. My question/thought is, did most who started a blog, did they have a plan for it? Do they know what they wanted to put into writing? Was there a game plan? Did it just evolve, when they sat down at the computer? Is each post plotted out, technically put together?

A small part of why I was wondering these things, came when a very popular blogger http://Tequilamockingbird.blogspot.com/ (whom I have voted for on a bloggers award thingy by the way, she is really that GREAT!) left a note in another blog, that I read daily http://digitalfishwrap.blogspot.com/ (whom I always enjoy reading as well) about the # of times she posts now, and used to; and why she wrote. Or more to the point WHO she wrote for. Herself, or her wide array of readers. I guess that would be part of my question as well. She answered these questions for herself, and has acted on it accordingly.

WHY, am I here? Am I doing it to gain readers? Am I doing it for myself? And what was so fascinating about this whole blogging experience? And it is fascinating to me. Not just writing one of my own, but reading others. And if truth be told, I spend much more time reading others, then I spending writing this one. ( LOL. I know, it probably shows too)

Admittedly, I have spent much more time then I normally would, or probably will in the future. I fell into this, approximately around the same time I started dealing with back problems that pretty much had me housebound. So my normal schedule was put on hold ( the slack being picked up by both my present husband, and my Ex-husband) The Ex taking over with all the kid errands and chauffeuring, and my husband taking over inside the house, cooking,laundry, etc. This left me time to just try and heal at home...and explore this whole blogging phenomena.(Which means I am probably over thinking this whole thing)

But since I have started one, and I still don't know what I want to do with it......I haven't filled out the part of the first page that most put a small paragraph giving a brief description of what it is, and where it's going....I haven't filled it out, because I didn't know. And I still don't think my ramdom thoughts are going to come to some conclusion now. I have put probably way more thought into it then I should. (But I have definitely had the time)

I have thought, well a journal is good, like a diary. Somewhere to just organize my life in words, and I guess go over it. Or do I want to try and write entertaining stories based on my experiences. (this would be a real stretch for me) How about a dumping ground from my speckled past? And do I really want to put it in words, that it could possibly even remotely come back to haunt me. (I do have 3 kids ranging in age from 9 to 20. And parents, whom I defintely would not want to know the gory details of the past) The only thing I DID know, was that I didn't want it to be a mommy blog. I love my children, and the biggest part of my life, is that of mommy. The way I saw it, it wouldn't be for me anymore then. (Not that I have anything against mommy blogs, I have two such blogs I read daily and enjoy)

So that is the dilemma, I am wrestling with, and why I haven't come to fill in a description. I don't have one yet. I thought it would just evolve naturally, and maybe it is, and I'm not seeing it. But I don't think so. My posts kinda bounce around. From stories, to quotes, to like here, thoughts. I did think, or maybe tried to justify the amount of time I have spent here, that it could improve my writing skills, I could learn more about how to navigate around on this computer, and the technical side of weblogs. Pasting different things in. I did order and get the CD-ROM learning blogger (with Molly E. Holzschlag, her website, http://www.molly.com ) which I plan on spending time looking at and learning this week-end with the guidance of my husband. So I had this whole positive practical side to the reasoning of why I should blog.

But if truth be told, that isn't the motivator, for why I click on to my favortie blog sites, and continually explore more. I don't know if you would call it voyeurism in the sense of looking in to so many different people's lives. A desire for some sense of deeper connections? (Then the everyday small talk we make in our lives) Or is it just as simple as I enjoy reading. Which I do.....
You end up getting to know these people you have never met, and who don't know you exist. Oh well, eventually I'll figure out my motivation....

So now, what I would like, is those few who did read my site, if you could comment on some of my questions. (ie; did you have a plan when you started your site? Did it just evolve? WHY did you start blogging?)

And for my homegirls Shelly, Lori, Jenny, Vickie, and Jackie.....what way would you explain my type of posts? And which way do you think I should take the site? Just curious....and confused (as usual, lol)

I would also take this opportunity to thank Jenny and Jackie for your get well mails, and your prayers, and just your support when I was really down this last week. I love you both!And Lori and Shelly, I would love to hear from you (catch me up on the latest; gossip and what you're up to) This housebound crap is gettin' old! Lunch next week??? Send me a mail, if you don't want to comment "online"

Today's P - T - Q from www.azcentral.com

Prayer : Lord help us keep our thoughts and actions focused on You for guidance to do what needs to be done. Amen

Thought : Mediocrity can talk, but it is for genius to observe. Benjamin Disraeli (British Prime Minister 1804-1881)

Quip : Some folks get a kick out of life, and others only do the kicking.

I received a phone call from my mother a few weeks back. She had important news. You see, it was my husband's and my 2nd Anniversary, (on Jan 3rd) and she wanted me to be on the lookout for our Anniversary gift, which would be coming in the mail, via QVC. In my family, as long as a gift was received approximately 60 days from any special ocassion, it's on time.

This dates back to my childhood, where all Birthdays were always celebrated on the week-end, no matter if your special date fell mid week or on a Thursday or even a Friday. It would be celebrated one of two days, Saturday or Sunday. Whatever was more convenient for her schedule. And that could mean absolutely anything. As she told it though, it mean't YOU got to bask in all the glory of ALL the attention for an entire day! Not just a measley evening. And as a kid (one of three) this sounded perfect to us! That tradition long stood, even as we all moved out going our own ways, and even when we started having our own kids. They too, were raised to believe their Birthday would always fall on a Saturday or Sunday.

And as we started moving further and further away from each other, and packages needed to be shipped, and our lives all became busier and busier, this rule became even more defined, although it was unspoken. If you received "said gift" in the same year as the ocassion, it was the same as receiving it on the day! The only exclusion to this would be Christmas, in which case it depended upon WHEN any particular family was going to celebrate Christmas. Because Christmas, once we all had families of our own, which would now include "in-laws" and having to celebrate with all or our own new families as well; made it much more complicated, and let's face it, stress-ful. Being the creative woman my dear mother is, she felt it best that we arrange"Christmas day, a whole different day" so that she and my father had all of their children and grandchildren for a whole day! And this tradition became yet even more complicated by the fact that she, and husband #2 (of mine) and myself worked in hospitals. Hospital workers often end up working on Christmas day. My brother a state trooper for WA also ended up out on the job on Christmas every other year or so. So Christmas pretty much always ended up, the week-end prior to Christmas, and on ocassion on New Years day. In which case, for me, (living in AZ since 2001) I must send packages with the new Christmas date in mind.

And all traditions have stood no matter what. As we each had more and more kids, still gifts were sent for every menber of the family, including in-laws. This mean't shipping packages almost every month of the year. Why we just didn't put this tradition to rest years ago, is beyond me. But I wasn't going to "risk the wrath of Dina" by expressing this. And from the looks of things, no one else was going to either. Nevermind the expense, the time that has gone into this, gave everyone head-aches. Except of course for mom. Who never forgot anyone. Including now all three Anniversaries.

Now at first glance, she seems like one of the most giving thoughful women you would ever meet. And lets face it, thats what it came down to. But this has also played into not one, but two of my mother's OTHER quirks in life. That being her penchant for dime store self help psycho babble books, and her addiction to shopping. Along with whatever dime store self help psycho babble book you might receive, came the hidden message. That being whatever quirk, bad habit, lack of character that she may find in you, that she felt it was necessary for you to address and deal with. On her time, with her thumb print all over whatever success you may have. And failures attributed to your own lack of character or flaws. And being the official black sheep of the family, who was always stumbling thru life, I was the recipient of the most dime store self help psycho babble books of all her kids and their spouses. Any lack in your children, also made you the recipient, not said grandchild. You were the mom, you were the one who needed to instill the good things in her grandchildren. Also noting that her two sons' in laws and daughter in law, were not exempt. My new husband thus far being the recipient of two of these DSSHPBB's to date. Although since her new son-in-law was only one year younger then her, and a very dominant self posessed man, she is very careful with whatever oral bits of wisdom she may throw his way. Not sure yet, just how far, he would allow her to push things. (Oh, how I love that about him!) And yes to date, I have already hidden behind him several times, in order to live my life as I see fit. Yes, I'm a coward, and not afraid to admit it. I have a "sense of self" after all.

Now her shopping addiction, that is a whole other ball park. And one no one comes right out and talks about it. Here again fearing the wrath of Dina. That is except for my father, who doesn't mind joking about it. Well when mother is far away at work, where he cannot be overheard. I probably inherited my coward gene from him.

My mother's addiction to shopping has one special characteristic. And that is QVC. All gifts are usually sent in QVC boxes in all shapes and sizes. They know the sound of my mothers voice at QVC. And had I known just how far she would go with QVC, I would have bought stock YEARS ago in this company.

My mother has worked the grave yard shift at the hospital well over a decade now. And has the problem all night workers struggle with. That is getting sufficient sleep during the daylight hours in between shifts. In order for her to sleep during the day, she needs her 20-somthing inch bedroom TV going the whole time. She usually gets a good hour of QVC watching in prior to going to sleep, and a good hour watching after the fact before getting up. You can do a lot of damage with a QVC card in a couple of hours a day, and much more on days off. I cannot even comprehend the number of gifts she has stocked up on for each member of our 16 member family. (That includes Ex husband number two, whom she says is the father of HER grandchildren, whom she has every intention of continuing to honor on special days) Which honestly, I don't have a problem with. Other then she continues to send said gifts to mine and my new husbands house, for us to deliver to him. I did stand up to her recently on this, but that is a subject for another post. (I'm longwinded enough as it is!)

My father's joke about this whole QVC thing (except it really isn't a joke, it's the truth) is that he is definitely on a first name basis with their UPS deliverer. He knows the UPS guys wife and children's names as the UPS guy knows ours. He is delivering to their house, (I swear on this!) at least every other day, on a slow week or month, maybe once a week. My dad and the UPS guy's relationship is familier enough, that when the UPS driver was having a bad day, he told my father to put a sledge hammer thru their TV, to keep his wife off of QVC! (My father would never risk the wrath of Dina by doing this!)

So here we are, in the general vicinity of our 2nd Wedding Anniversary, on the look-out for the QVC gift. I admit, this time the DSSHPBB was not expected. Not for this ocassion. Usually it is somthing for the household. Some quirky gadget, that I have never heard of. Gadget's being another one of her quirks, I'll save for another date. But I was wrong. I knew the advice on our lives had been coming quite a bit of late....."we really need a lot of work to survive this life." I just didn't expect it to bleed over into our anniversary. But it did, and it came. Mind you, mom is not cheap, she takes these books very seriously, and doesn't mind spending a small fortune to aquire them. And she did. This dime store self help psycho babble book (in hard back) came with a set of CD's as well. And this Live Lecture 6-CD set and hardback book, which advertises "AS seen on Public TV" was expensive! And should render forth heartfelt "Thank you's!" and "I am learning so much!" announcements. And I wanted to! really I did. But they came 1. during PMS week 2. with the onset of one of my back discs bulging putting pressure on nerve endings, that has sent me into spasms on too many ocassions to even count at this point! 3. I was feeling particularly inept and vulnerable (brought on by satan's spawn's (Riley) antics in the classroom+ Parent/Teacher conferences comfiming his behavior) So this was the set up for opening her thoughtful Anniversary gifts.

And I came unglued, and ranted and raved, and thru said gift across the room. (I know, childish....and probably the topic for a whole new dime store self help psycho babble book) So I did not thank her for the gift, until recently, when I was on some hardcore mind numbing painkillers. And I know it came out insincere, and weak. Oh well, maybe next year, she'll do us the honor of not recognizing this occasion at all.

So if anyone is interested in aquiring this lovely set, I am sure you can find it on the official website. Which I have not bothered to look up as of yet. I have not bothered to even open the the lovely hardback book, and the Live Lecture 6-CD Set, still in the plastic wrapper.(I did enjoy popping all the little bubbles on the bubble wrap sheet though) So I cannot even tell you, if they are any good. I just got thru her damn DVD set of Women of Faith, presents Irrepressible Hope conference 2004 Which by the way, she attended! (Their website is www.Womenoffaith.com )

So here it is, the official website of the hardback book "The Power of Intention, Learning to Co-create Your world, Your way."(As long as your way agrees with Dina's way) And I am sure it covers the Live Lecture 6-CD Set called, "The SECRETS of the Power of Intention" all by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer website address www.DrWayneDyer.com

Deep down, I realize, the only dime store self help psycho babble book I need, deals with cutting the psychological apron strings of Dina. Without fearing her wrath and repercussions. That is one DSSHPBB that I am sure to never see coming thru the mail from my mother. (Bless her heart!)