A Love Letter - To my Home Girls
I guess I am feeling a little on the sappy side. But I'm OK with it. I found a "Thought for the day, on a blog called Suburban Musings. One she did 10/18/04 on a monday. It stood out, so I am adopting her thought, today. Her blog is at http://kathimoore.blogspot.com/
Thought for the day; Be true to yourself, others will disappoint you occasionally, so you have to remember to be good to your own self.
Nothing need be added to that.
Today I was thinking about the friendships I have established, since moving to Arizona, from WA State 4 years ago. And in so doing, I was humbled, and thankful. To come to a state, with my family, and no ties (including no job) was scary, and exciting. Having moved a few times in my teen age years, I was well aware that building friendships in a new area, takes time, effort, and patience. And a sense of self, to get you thru that whole time and patience thing.
Establishing friendships, as an adult, in a new area, is just hard at times. It means puttting yourself out there, taking chances on rejection, and on ocassion being rejected. No one likes to be rejected, it hurts sometimes, even when we may try and block it. But you move on, and keep putting yourself out there. (Definition of "putting yourself out there" : Allowing others in, to see who you really are, bad and good.) You learn by doing that, who your friends really are. I am picky, in that area. I have my criteria, to what a good friend is. This criteria, helps me differentiate, between "good friends' and those that may be ocassional friends, and those I end up lableing as aquantances. Sounds cold, I know. But it isn't. Everyone does this, to one form or another. And when they do (subconsciously, or not) someone on the receiving end, will end up feeling rejected. This little analogy, teaches me one thing. How can we possibly take that rejection too personal? And if we shouldn't take it personally, it should not affect our ability to put ourselves out there. It means, I just didn't fit into their criteria. Which I have no control over.
My definition of a Good Friend
She/He knows my shortcomings, and loves me anyway.
S/H shares from their lives, unafraid to allow me in to see their shortcomings. Knowing I will love them anyway.
S/H knows how to laugh. At a joke, at ME, at themselves. Knowing that I am laughing with them, and they with me.
S/H knows how to give advice, w/o trying to run my life; and with warmth and love.
S/H will love me and accept, even decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will cheer for me, and exhort me, even the decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will make an attempt, to get to know my spouse, and find somthing that they can like about him, because after all, I love him. There is some good there, if he is her choice.
S/H loves me unconditionally. Whether I have a degree, or not. Whether my house is spotless or not. Whether I am employed, or not. (As is the case at the moment.) Whether I can be available to them at the moment, or not.
S/H forgives my mistakes, because I am human. And as someone who is stumbling thru life, I make a lot of them!
S/H is not afraid to express their love for me, and does. (A hug is worth a thousand words!)
OK, this is not necessarily all inclusive, but it is my basics of friendship. As lofty as some of these are, it is the list I try and follow for BEING a friend, to my friends. I don't always succeed, but I try, and I put myself out there.
I count myself as extremely lucky! to have found a group of friends, that give this to me, as well as accept it from me. This particular group of women are loved by me. And that isn't written lightly. There are things that go unsaid, but I know, that this group loves me. For these friendships I am eternally grateful.
Shelly, you send me inspirational mails, and the good ol' raunchy joke, usually just when I need it. You are real, open and warm. You accepted my husband, and reached out to him. As well as sharing Brian with us. Whom I think is wonderful by the way.
Lori, you're beautiful. You are warm, kind, and caring. Know how to laugh, have a good time, and cry when you feel the need. You're supportive, and allow others to support you. You will find what you're looking for.
Jenny, you have shared your life with me. You have taught me a lot. On the job, as well as personally. Your patience in life, I admire tremendously. You're smart, articulate, and always have a ready smile, and open heart. (And I wanna throw you a baby shower; as soon as we know the sex)
Vickie, you have gone thru a lot in your life. You have had more then your share of turmoil, brought on by people you loved, and still you continue to love, and laugh. You have a zeal for fun, that is infectous. And you are strong and disciplined. Supporting your boys with little to no help, working hard to succeed at your career.
These women, who I admire and care about, are friends that I love, and will always be loyal to. They make me, the lucky person I consider myself. I have other friends in my life, that I value, and treasure and love as well. But this core group, are what make my life, in this beautiful desert, home.They are my adopted family, who I chose, and who chose me. And I pray that God never allows me to take that for granted. They will always own a part of my heart. And they make up the group, I call my homegirls. ( And someday, future Red Hat Society club? lol)
So this post, is dedicated to Shelly, Lori, Jenny, and Vickie. You have me as your ally in life, today and always.
Thought for the day; Be true to yourself, others will disappoint you occasionally, so you have to remember to be good to your own self.
Nothing need be added to that.
Today I was thinking about the friendships I have established, since moving to Arizona, from WA State 4 years ago. And in so doing, I was humbled, and thankful. To come to a state, with my family, and no ties (including no job) was scary, and exciting. Having moved a few times in my teen age years, I was well aware that building friendships in a new area, takes time, effort, and patience. And a sense of self, to get you thru that whole time and patience thing.
Establishing friendships, as an adult, in a new area, is just hard at times. It means puttting yourself out there, taking chances on rejection, and on ocassion being rejected. No one likes to be rejected, it hurts sometimes, even when we may try and block it. But you move on, and keep putting yourself out there. (Definition of "putting yourself out there" : Allowing others in, to see who you really are, bad and good.) You learn by doing that, who your friends really are. I am picky, in that area. I have my criteria, to what a good friend is. This criteria, helps me differentiate, between "good friends' and those that may be ocassional friends, and those I end up lableing as aquantances. Sounds cold, I know. But it isn't. Everyone does this, to one form or another. And when they do (subconsciously, or not) someone on the receiving end, will end up feeling rejected. This little analogy, teaches me one thing. How can we possibly take that rejection too personal? And if we shouldn't take it personally, it should not affect our ability to put ourselves out there. It means, I just didn't fit into their criteria. Which I have no control over.
My definition of a Good Friend
She/He knows my shortcomings, and loves me anyway.
S/H shares from their lives, unafraid to allow me in to see their shortcomings. Knowing I will love them anyway.
S/H knows how to laugh. At a joke, at ME, at themselves. Knowing that I am laughing with them, and they with me.
S/H knows how to give advice, w/o trying to run my life; and with warmth and love.
S/H will love me and accept, even decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will cheer for me, and exhort me, even the decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will make an attempt, to get to know my spouse, and find somthing that they can like about him, because after all, I love him. There is some good there, if he is her choice.
S/H loves me unconditionally. Whether I have a degree, or not. Whether my house is spotless or not. Whether I am employed, or not. (As is the case at the moment.) Whether I can be available to them at the moment, or not.
S/H forgives my mistakes, because I am human. And as someone who is stumbling thru life, I make a lot of them!
S/H is not afraid to express their love for me, and does. (A hug is worth a thousand words!)
OK, this is not necessarily all inclusive, but it is my basics of friendship. As lofty as some of these are, it is the list I try and follow for BEING a friend, to my friends. I don't always succeed, but I try, and I put myself out there.
I count myself as extremely lucky! to have found a group of friends, that give this to me, as well as accept it from me. This particular group of women are loved by me. And that isn't written lightly. There are things that go unsaid, but I know, that this group loves me. For these friendships I am eternally grateful.
Shelly, you send me inspirational mails, and the good ol' raunchy joke, usually just when I need it. You are real, open and warm. You accepted my husband, and reached out to him. As well as sharing Brian with us. Whom I think is wonderful by the way.
Lori, you're beautiful. You are warm, kind, and caring. Know how to laugh, have a good time, and cry when you feel the need. You're supportive, and allow others to support you. You will find what you're looking for.
Jenny, you have shared your life with me. You have taught me a lot. On the job, as well as personally. Your patience in life, I admire tremendously. You're smart, articulate, and always have a ready smile, and open heart. (And I wanna throw you a baby shower; as soon as we know the sex)
Vickie, you have gone thru a lot in your life. You have had more then your share of turmoil, brought on by people you loved, and still you continue to love, and laugh. You have a zeal for fun, that is infectous. And you are strong and disciplined. Supporting your boys with little to no help, working hard to succeed at your career.
These women, who I admire and care about, are friends that I love, and will always be loyal to. They make me, the lucky person I consider myself. I have other friends in my life, that I value, and treasure and love as well. But this core group, are what make my life, in this beautiful desert, home.They are my adopted family, who I chose, and who chose me. And I pray that God never allows me to take that for granted. They will always own a part of my heart. And they make up the group, I call my homegirls. ( And someday, future Red Hat Society club? lol)
So this post, is dedicated to Shelly, Lori, Jenny, and Vickie. You have me as your ally in life, today and always.
Nightmares & Confessions
Saturday morning, I woke myself up, with my own muffled cry, from one of those nightmares, that seem so real, you experience pain in the pit of your stomache. I sat up right, looked over at my deeply sleeping spouse, and abrubtly, and not so gently, nudged him awake. And I was angry at him! That bastard had cheated on me! My stomache is still hurting, and I am shaky as he asked me, (still half asleep) "WHAT!? Whud I do?"
To which I cried out, YOU CHEATED ON ME! WITH SOME BLONDE BIMBO, WHO WAS CUTTING YOUR HAIR! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT TO ME!
Now he is completely awake. Wearing this, this isn't fair! look all over his face. Quickly replaced with that condescending, parental role look, that says " I must calm this hysterical woman down." He gently says, "Tamber, it was a dream, I have NOT cheated on you, and I have been laying beside you all night." To which I replied, "But it was SOOOO REAL. My stomache still hurts because of it. My inner thoughts, and superstitions asking me if this is some kinda vision, of what's to come....
This was a brutal awakening (ok, for him too) for someone who doesn't really qualify as awake, until half a pot of coffee is whirling its way thru my system. And now that fact is irritating me, this brutal awakening, on the day of MY special party...It's not fair! I have too much work to do, to ensure my party is fun for all! And now I'm disoriented, irritated. not really awake without my coffee, and STILL my stomache aches! He hugs me, grabs at a body part or two, and reassures me, I am the only woman who "does it" for him. My irritation does start to subside, with the brimming cup of hot coffee, he hands me, in bed.
As we make our way thru the newspaper, and a pot of coffee, my mind is still wandering back to the nightmare. Or more to the point, WHY did I have this nightmare? (Still looking for the hidden meaning, in the dream.)
As superstitious as this sounds, this is somthing that dates all the way back, to when a 9 yr old girl (myself) dreams of shitloads of snakes squirming around, under my very own bed. Completely distraught, I go to mom, for comfort. Mom, a 25 yr old, mother of the 70's, promptly interprets my dream for me. (Since she has read several, dime store self help psycho babble dream interpretation books; she is a pro) She calmly announces to her completely shaken daughter, "you have penis envy. It's no big deal." Oh, but for the wisdom of moms! Now at 41, penis envy doesn't sound like much, and certainly no big deal. But at 9, having never even seen a penis (my little brothers excluded) this is quite traumatic. First, what's envy? Second, I don't think about a penis. Ever. At all. But hey, mom's the pro. And now I am told, my dreams have hidden meanings, and I must just try and figure it out, and then, just let it go. I am sorry to say, that the penis has turned up in my dreams, in one form, or another, ever since then.
So back to the cheating husband...and its hidden meaning.....It took me a few hours, but I did indeed figure out, the TRUE meaning behind this nightmare. I mull the meaning over in my brain, for another hour while getting on my Sex and the City garb, for my party. It's noon by now, and my g/f's will be here in an hour. But it's time to confess the meaning to my wrongly accused husband. Who by now, only has his mind on the various Football games, that are playing, and will be played that very day. And has completely forgotten about the morning's abrupt beginning.
I melodramatically approach him, and announce in dreaded tones, " I know why I had that dream! I have to tell you, get it off my chest, and confess what I have done." ( That last phrase, I knew, got his attention) I continue for added affect, "and you're not going to like it." I feel his sense of urgency now (although this could be for missing a play in his game) as he says "What, just tell me."
" Well, I started a blog. And I wasn't going to tell you about it. I just didn't want you making fun of me, or God forbid critiquing it, or (trigger word here) EDITING it. Since my spouse has worked in Newspapers for 30 years, as an Editor and reporter, this thought brings about panic, and defensiveness. The last thing I would want, is for my professional writing husband, to play editor, on my new hobby. He follows this up, with " I'm not surprised. You were enjoying reading them so much, I assumed you would eventually start one." He reassures me, that 1. He will only read posts, that I want, and ask him to read. 2. That he would never belittle or poke fun at me for it. and 3. Editing, is the last thing on his mind, once he clocks off the job. OK, I experience a little sigh of relief, but....
I continue with, "But there's more. I thought you would feel a sense of betrayal, that I didn't share this with you." Spouse: Not at all. It isn't any big deal. ( This kinda pinches my feelings, as I see my new hobby AS a big deal. But I realize that's probably my PMS doin' the feeling right now. He also is very aware of this being that "special week") So, I just continue with, "Well about my dream, I wrote somthing in a post, that was flippant, and made light of cheating. And I beleive, this is why I dreamt of YOU cheating." So, I let him read THAT post. And he chuckles when he get's to that line, the one that says " A show that we were more faithful to then most of our EX husbands." So in the end, it is just my guilty conscience, and a good friend, who had pointed out that keeping secrets isn't good for a relationship (I'm summing it up here) In case my friend Lee, is reading this and comes back with a "That's not what I said." (More on Lee, and his impact on my thoughts, and actions, in a later post.) At any rate, confessions are good for the soul...and, I am now free, to write whatever I like, whenever I like, without having to look over my shoulder, in fear of being discovered. As if it would even happen during football season anyway.
SEX PARTY UPDATE
Fun was had by all! The outfits were ALL fantastic! And Lori (who is 44 and looks 30) won the prize! She found the best little top (sheer & white) which she wore a black bra under that screamed Carrie! It was awsome. Shelly, brought her significant other Brian along, to keep my husband Kevin company. We watched Sex, and played Sex trivia in between episodes. Seems our memories for details arn't as strong as we all assumed they would be. The last 4 episodes had Jenny (who is newly pregnant) , Vickie, (recently broken up with b/f she was in love with) and Lori (who is seeing a married man) sobbing sporadically, during them. I'm not going to bother to analyze the sobbing right now. It's a woman thing, I think. How do I know they had fun? They all said so, in between sobs. Afterwards Kevin built a bon-fire out in the back yard, where we continued to drink, chat, laugh, and tentatively plan other get togethers. I sent the barely eaten on, obligatory fruit platter, and a third of a choc. cake home with Jenny. She's pregnant, with young kids, they'll eat the cake, and Jenny needs the vitamins from the fruit. And I won't have to watch the fruit slowly rot, in my fridge for a week. We ended the evening with a slow soak in the jacuzzi, before falling alseep in front of the TV. To a middle-aged couple, this was a sucessful, social gathering.
To which I cried out, YOU CHEATED ON ME! WITH SOME BLONDE BIMBO, WHO WAS CUTTING YOUR HAIR! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT TO ME!
Now he is completely awake. Wearing this, this isn't fair! look all over his face. Quickly replaced with that condescending, parental role look, that says " I must calm this hysterical woman down." He gently says, "Tamber, it was a dream, I have NOT cheated on you, and I have been laying beside you all night." To which I replied, "But it was SOOOO REAL. My stomache still hurts because of it. My inner thoughts, and superstitions asking me if this is some kinda vision, of what's to come....
This was a brutal awakening (ok, for him too) for someone who doesn't really qualify as awake, until half a pot of coffee is whirling its way thru my system. And now that fact is irritating me, this brutal awakening, on the day of MY special party...It's not fair! I have too much work to do, to ensure my party is fun for all! And now I'm disoriented, irritated. not really awake without my coffee, and STILL my stomache aches! He hugs me, grabs at a body part or two, and reassures me, I am the only woman who "does it" for him. My irritation does start to subside, with the brimming cup of hot coffee, he hands me, in bed.
As we make our way thru the newspaper, and a pot of coffee, my mind is still wandering back to the nightmare. Or more to the point, WHY did I have this nightmare? (Still looking for the hidden meaning, in the dream.)
As superstitious as this sounds, this is somthing that dates all the way back, to when a 9 yr old girl (myself) dreams of shitloads of snakes squirming around, under my very own bed. Completely distraught, I go to mom, for comfort. Mom, a 25 yr old, mother of the 70's, promptly interprets my dream for me. (Since she has read several, dime store self help psycho babble dream interpretation books; she is a pro) She calmly announces to her completely shaken daughter, "you have penis envy. It's no big deal." Oh, but for the wisdom of moms! Now at 41, penis envy doesn't sound like much, and certainly no big deal. But at 9, having never even seen a penis (my little brothers excluded) this is quite traumatic. First, what's envy? Second, I don't think about a penis. Ever. At all. But hey, mom's the pro. And now I am told, my dreams have hidden meanings, and I must just try and figure it out, and then, just let it go. I am sorry to say, that the penis has turned up in my dreams, in one form, or another, ever since then.
So back to the cheating husband...and its hidden meaning.....It took me a few hours, but I did indeed figure out, the TRUE meaning behind this nightmare. I mull the meaning over in my brain, for another hour while getting on my Sex and the City garb, for my party. It's noon by now, and my g/f's will be here in an hour. But it's time to confess the meaning to my wrongly accused husband. Who by now, only has his mind on the various Football games, that are playing, and will be played that very day. And has completely forgotten about the morning's abrupt beginning.
I melodramatically approach him, and announce in dreaded tones, " I know why I had that dream! I have to tell you, get it off my chest, and confess what I have done." ( That last phrase, I knew, got his attention) I continue for added affect, "and you're not going to like it." I feel his sense of urgency now (although this could be for missing a play in his game) as he says "What, just tell me."
" Well, I started a blog. And I wasn't going to tell you about it. I just didn't want you making fun of me, or God forbid critiquing it, or (trigger word here) EDITING it. Since my spouse has worked in Newspapers for 30 years, as an Editor and reporter, this thought brings about panic, and defensiveness. The last thing I would want, is for my professional writing husband, to play editor, on my new hobby. He follows this up, with " I'm not surprised. You were enjoying reading them so much, I assumed you would eventually start one." He reassures me, that 1. He will only read posts, that I want, and ask him to read. 2. That he would never belittle or poke fun at me for it. and 3. Editing, is the last thing on his mind, once he clocks off the job. OK, I experience a little sigh of relief, but....
I continue with, "But there's more. I thought you would feel a sense of betrayal, that I didn't share this with you." Spouse: Not at all. It isn't any big deal. ( This kinda pinches my feelings, as I see my new hobby AS a big deal. But I realize that's probably my PMS doin' the feeling right now. He also is very aware of this being that "special week") So, I just continue with, "Well about my dream, I wrote somthing in a post, that was flippant, and made light of cheating. And I beleive, this is why I dreamt of YOU cheating." So, I let him read THAT post. And he chuckles when he get's to that line, the one that says " A show that we were more faithful to then most of our EX husbands." So in the end, it is just my guilty conscience, and a good friend, who had pointed out that keeping secrets isn't good for a relationship (I'm summing it up here) In case my friend Lee, is reading this and comes back with a "That's not what I said." (More on Lee, and his impact on my thoughts, and actions, in a later post.) At any rate, confessions are good for the soul...and, I am now free, to write whatever I like, whenever I like, without having to look over my shoulder, in fear of being discovered. As if it would even happen during football season anyway.
SEX PARTY UPDATE
Fun was had by all! The outfits were ALL fantastic! And Lori (who is 44 and looks 30) won the prize! She found the best little top (sheer & white) which she wore a black bra under that screamed Carrie! It was awsome. Shelly, brought her significant other Brian along, to keep my husband Kevin company. We watched Sex, and played Sex trivia in between episodes. Seems our memories for details arn't as strong as we all assumed they would be. The last 4 episodes had Jenny (who is newly pregnant) , Vickie, (recently broken up with b/f she was in love with) and Lori (who is seeing a married man) sobbing sporadically, during them. I'm not going to bother to analyze the sobbing right now. It's a woman thing, I think. How do I know they had fun? They all said so, in between sobs. Afterwards Kevin built a bon-fire out in the back yard, where we continued to drink, chat, laugh, and tentatively plan other get togethers. I sent the barely eaten on, obligatory fruit platter, and a third of a choc. cake home with Jenny. She's pregnant, with young kids, they'll eat the cake, and Jenny needs the vitamins from the fruit. And I won't have to watch the fruit slowly rot, in my fridge for a week. We ended the evening with a slow soak in the jacuzzi, before falling alseep in front of the TV. To a middle-aged couple, this was a sucessful, social gathering.
Sex, Taco Salad & Cosmos
Saturday, I am throwing an intimate little party! My kids (all 3 of them) will be with their father, having a good time skiing. I couldn't be happier for them!! While they are away playing, mom will be too. One of my favorite guilty pleasures will be indulged on Saturday.
Yes, I'm talkin' bout those 4 gals from New York City; Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte! My girlfriends (from the office I worked at for a couple of years)and myself, have been mourning the loss of Sex and the City for months! But a wonderful thing happened on December 28th 2004, their Season 6 Part 2 DVD, (8 whole episodes) set came out! We have passed around the prior 6 sets over the last 2 months, watching hours at a time. And now, we are coming together to watch The End.
This is bittersweet, because we all know, there will be no more tales from the big city sluts, whom we all love and adore. I know this by itself, doesn't sound too tacky. But my personal touches to this gathering have made it the truly tacky event it will be. And I can't wait!
For starters, there will only be two drinks served, Cosmopolitans, and appletini's. (OK, I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I know what I'm saying.) The signature drinks of the girls. Next, I'm making a FABULOUS (gotta love that word!) taco salad. And the obligatory fruit platter, so we feel like we're cutting a few calories. And, all of my homegirls will dress metro (slutty, loud, trendy, whatever you want to call it) and I am giving a really kewl gift to the best outfit! (and yes I realize we're going into tacky territory) But I'm not done yet! We will also be breaking out the Sex and the City Trivia game, for which there will also be another really kewl gift.
We feel this all day party, is fitting, for saying good bye, to a show we have been more faithful to, then most of our Ex husbands. And between the 5 of us, we have 8 EX-husbands.( Some of us have a few more Ex's then others.) I'm off track...oh well, it's my blog.
And I'm excited! It has taken every bit of self discipline I could muster, to NOT watch the DVD's prior to Saturday. A foolish promise I made in haste, at our last lunch. Yes just like those fabulous girls from Sex, we have lunch every other week. Where we catch up on who's sleeping with who, who is officially a "couple", and who's Ex is giving them a hard time at the moment. The girls from Sex, also had us running out to Fascinations (our local sex toy store) looking for stimulating toys. They have widened our horizons! Opened up areas kept secret, for many years. How could we NOT love the girls from Sex! So for one day we will honor, and toast, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. It will be a bittersweet moment, when we watch them, hop into various beds for the last time.
Yes, I'm talkin' bout those 4 gals from New York City; Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte! My girlfriends (from the office I worked at for a couple of years)and myself, have been mourning the loss of Sex and the City for months! But a wonderful thing happened on December 28th 2004, their Season 6 Part 2 DVD, (8 whole episodes) set came out! We have passed around the prior 6 sets over the last 2 months, watching hours at a time. And now, we are coming together to watch The End.
This is bittersweet, because we all know, there will be no more tales from the big city sluts, whom we all love and adore. I know this by itself, doesn't sound too tacky. But my personal touches to this gathering have made it the truly tacky event it will be. And I can't wait!
For starters, there will only be two drinks served, Cosmopolitans, and appletini's. (OK, I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I know what I'm saying.) The signature drinks of the girls. Next, I'm making a FABULOUS (gotta love that word!) taco salad. And the obligatory fruit platter, so we feel like we're cutting a few calories. And, all of my homegirls will dress metro (slutty, loud, trendy, whatever you want to call it) and I am giving a really kewl gift to the best outfit! (and yes I realize we're going into tacky territory) But I'm not done yet! We will also be breaking out the Sex and the City Trivia game, for which there will also be another really kewl gift.
We feel this all day party, is fitting, for saying good bye, to a show we have been more faithful to, then most of our Ex husbands. And between the 5 of us, we have 8 EX-husbands.( Some of us have a few more Ex's then others.) I'm off track...oh well, it's my blog.
And I'm excited! It has taken every bit of self discipline I could muster, to NOT watch the DVD's prior to Saturday. A foolish promise I made in haste, at our last lunch. Yes just like those fabulous girls from Sex, we have lunch every other week. Where we catch up on who's sleeping with who, who is officially a "couple", and who's Ex is giving them a hard time at the moment. The girls from Sex, also had us running out to Fascinations (our local sex toy store) looking for stimulating toys. They have widened our horizons! Opened up areas kept secret, for many years. How could we NOT love the girls from Sex! So for one day we will honor, and toast, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. It will be a bittersweet moment, when we watch them, hop into various beds for the last time.
Suspicions Confirmed
I made it to parent/teacher conferences yesterday. Gee I'm glad I did...It started with Mrs. M welcoming me with a smile and "come in, sit down!" Big grin, deep breath, and then "Well RILEY."( heavy sigh) "What can I say, I'm deeply concerned." I already KNEW that was coming, so I followed it up with "So am I". Mrs. M : "I'm at my wits end, with what to do about Riley"
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that, so I give her one more wimpy "so am I".
We have had many conversations since the beginning of the school year, and I know this top notch teacher, puts her all into her job. (No child left behind, that's Mrs. M) And if anyone is going to thwart her efforts, it will be Riley. It seems he is in very real danger of not going on to 4th grade. Which was my suspicion before entering her classroom. Riley IS smart. Riley IS creative. Riley has the face of an angel. (Riley knows it too) Riley also is lazy, self indulgent, spoiled, and stubborn( I know, a lot of those are my fault). Not a good combination. We then spend 10 minutes coming to the conclusion, that Riley is NOT ADD. He does NOT have any learning disabilities. She has watched him (as I have) draw the most intricate of pictures. For long periods of time. So at the close of this unenlightening conference, I'm left feeling overwhelmed, and unequipped. Much like Riley has made Mrs. M feel all year long.
So now, we begin the uphill battle, of lowering the boom. We have tried the reward method, the positive affirmations, the "There are consequences to all our actions" lecture. The time to grow up lecture. And he tries to find loopholes in every avenue all of us have taken. His debating, and arguing skills were finetuned. He would be a great lawyer some day, if he manages to get out of the 3rd grade. So we are left with what to do now. His stepfather and I have decided he IS going to summer school. Period. He doesn't know it yet, although in the past we have told him this may be the case, if things didn't change. What is left to us, is the threat of being held back. And we're playing that card, this week. So again, I'm on my knees in prayer, that he will respond, and snap out of it!
Nothing I have done in life, that was hard, or a lot of work, has ever compared to the work being a parent is. I haven't been able to find any "black and white" answers, on a fool proof way to successfully raise healthy, happy, well adjusted kids. And I have tried MANY varieties of dime store, self-help psycho babble books! I mean I have taken their principles and put them into action, with minimal results. Our family life revolves around Riley and his homework 4 nights a week. We give him Friday night off. And have him read 20 minutes a day Saturday and Sunday. Outloud. To one of us.
What comes to my mind, is that cliche saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink". Having ridden horses for many years, this is true, they won't until they are ready.
Riley's penchant for play, is serious business to him. And he doesn't want school work interferring with it.
I have seen mild changes in him over the last couple of months. He is being more respectful towards all family members. He is doing his homework without having to spend 30 minutes arguing with him about it. And his spelling has improved a little. So there is hope.
I did tell Mrs. M what Riley said about spending more time with her, during the school week, then with his parents. And it WAS Mrs. M that pointed that out. Although she said she pointed it out to the whole class, not just Riley. And somehow I managed to find comfort in that...
Mrs. M, not wanting me to leave totally discouraged, and disillusioned, tried to tell a positive Riley story. But in so doing also let slip that she has had a few conversations with the principal about Riley. It seems the principal wanted to tell a "joke of the day" over the intercom, and the jokes were to come from students. Riley, who Mrs. M cannot get to sit and listen to instructions for 5 minutes,without his eyes glazing over from boredom, was the first in line to give the principal a joke. And according to Mrs. M, it was a good joke, and was the first one used. (She didn't tell me what the joke was though) So this is what she offered up for me to take pride in. I'm not trying to minimize his "accomplishments", but....the best she could offer was a joke?
Well as my father has always said ( actually ONLY after he got all of his kids raised) This too, shall pass. So that will be my mantra for the week. Between my corny, cliche quote, and possibly a 5th of vodka, Riley and I will survive the week.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that, so I give her one more wimpy "so am I".
We have had many conversations since the beginning of the school year, and I know this top notch teacher, puts her all into her job. (No child left behind, that's Mrs. M) And if anyone is going to thwart her efforts, it will be Riley. It seems he is in very real danger of not going on to 4th grade. Which was my suspicion before entering her classroom. Riley IS smart. Riley IS creative. Riley has the face of an angel. (Riley knows it too) Riley also is lazy, self indulgent, spoiled, and stubborn( I know, a lot of those are my fault). Not a good combination. We then spend 10 minutes coming to the conclusion, that Riley is NOT ADD. He does NOT have any learning disabilities. She has watched him (as I have) draw the most intricate of pictures. For long periods of time. So at the close of this unenlightening conference, I'm left feeling overwhelmed, and unequipped. Much like Riley has made Mrs. M feel all year long.
So now, we begin the uphill battle, of lowering the boom. We have tried the reward method, the positive affirmations, the "There are consequences to all our actions" lecture. The time to grow up lecture. And he tries to find loopholes in every avenue all of us have taken. His debating, and arguing skills were finetuned. He would be a great lawyer some day, if he manages to get out of the 3rd grade. So we are left with what to do now. His stepfather and I have decided he IS going to summer school. Period. He doesn't know it yet, although in the past we have told him this may be the case, if things didn't change. What is left to us, is the threat of being held back. And we're playing that card, this week. So again, I'm on my knees in prayer, that he will respond, and snap out of it!
Nothing I have done in life, that was hard, or a lot of work, has ever compared to the work being a parent is. I haven't been able to find any "black and white" answers, on a fool proof way to successfully raise healthy, happy, well adjusted kids. And I have tried MANY varieties of dime store, self-help psycho babble books! I mean I have taken their principles and put them into action, with minimal results. Our family life revolves around Riley and his homework 4 nights a week. We give him Friday night off. And have him read 20 minutes a day Saturday and Sunday. Outloud. To one of us.
What comes to my mind, is that cliche saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink". Having ridden horses for many years, this is true, they won't until they are ready.
Riley's penchant for play, is serious business to him. And he doesn't want school work interferring with it.
I have seen mild changes in him over the last couple of months. He is being more respectful towards all family members. He is doing his homework without having to spend 30 minutes arguing with him about it. And his spelling has improved a little. So there is hope.
I did tell Mrs. M what Riley said about spending more time with her, during the school week, then with his parents. And it WAS Mrs. M that pointed that out. Although she said she pointed it out to the whole class, not just Riley. And somehow I managed to find comfort in that...
Mrs. M, not wanting me to leave totally discouraged, and disillusioned, tried to tell a positive Riley story. But in so doing also let slip that she has had a few conversations with the principal about Riley. It seems the principal wanted to tell a "joke of the day" over the intercom, and the jokes were to come from students. Riley, who Mrs. M cannot get to sit and listen to instructions for 5 minutes,without his eyes glazing over from boredom, was the first in line to give the principal a joke. And according to Mrs. M, it was a good joke, and was the first one used. (She didn't tell me what the joke was though) So this is what she offered up for me to take pride in. I'm not trying to minimize his "accomplishments", but....the best she could offer was a joke?
Well as my father has always said ( actually ONLY after he got all of his kids raised) This too, shall pass. So that will be my mantra for the week. Between my corny, cliche quote, and possibly a 5th of vodka, Riley and I will survive the week.
By Accident
I set this up, just to be able to post, on another blog...quite by accident. I don't believe I have anything significant to say, or that anyone would care to read. Barring the ocassional comment on SOMEONE ELSES blog. But OK, I'm spontaneous!
And running late for my son's Parent/Teacher conference...so this is going to be short. As much as I would rather skip the conference, unfortunately conferences were invented, for kids just like my son....so missing it would mean denying his teacher the opportunity to vent about her frustrations in dealing with him, during the school week. As he pointed out the other evening at dinner; I see my teacher more in a day then I see you. I am starting to wonder if HE came to that conclusion, or if his teacher (bless her heart) pointed it out to him, in a fit of frustration. This isn't going to be interesting, it's going to be pure torture for me, as I struggle to come up with some logical explanation for his stubborn, "I refuse to be accountable for my actions" attitude. He is a lovable kid, he just plainly states, "I don't want to grow up, and I'm not going to." He's 9 yrs old, and has the sense of responsibility of a 3 yr old. (I hope he never reads this!) Wishful thinking on MY part, as getting him to read, is almost as hard as getting him to shower. Ok, I have vented enough, it's Mrs. M's turn! God help me.....
And running late for my son's Parent/Teacher conference...so this is going to be short. As much as I would rather skip the conference, unfortunately conferences were invented, for kids just like my son....so missing it would mean denying his teacher the opportunity to vent about her frustrations in dealing with him, during the school week. As he pointed out the other evening at dinner; I see my teacher more in a day then I see you. I am starting to wonder if HE came to that conclusion, or if his teacher (bless her heart) pointed it out to him, in a fit of frustration. This isn't going to be interesting, it's going to be pure torture for me, as I struggle to come up with some logical explanation for his stubborn, "I refuse to be accountable for my actions" attitude. He is a lovable kid, he just plainly states, "I don't want to grow up, and I'm not going to." He's 9 yrs old, and has the sense of responsibility of a 3 yr old. (I hope he never reads this!) Wishful thinking on MY part, as getting him to read, is almost as hard as getting him to shower. Ok, I have vented enough, it's Mrs. M's turn! God help me.....
