I fondly remember the days of sleep deprivation from crying babies. Of cleaning up vomit. Of gagging through diaper after diaper of stinky baby shit. First, let me say, I have never been one of those mothers who thought their baby’s shit didn’t stink. Changing diapers was more than a chore, it was a lesson in breathing through the mouth so I wouldn’t puke right into that shitty diaper.

I look back with trepidation at the fact that I longed for my babies to be older, more independent, able to dress themselves and make their own breakfast. What a fool I was, wishing away the simplest time in my chidlren’s lives. When their every comfort was dependent upon me.

I contemplate the angst I have put myself through worrying over a rugrat’s struggling academics. Enforcing rules, and establishing routine. All of this seems like a cake walk now.

The hardest lesson I’m learning is standing by and watching my adult child make some of the same mistakes I’ve made. Of seeing my adult child go through the consequences of his actions, that reach years into his future.

Baby shit can’t hold a candle to seeing your adult child heading for various disasters, trying to intervene and having your advice thrown back in your face. Looking into your once baby’s face to see indifference and a smug know-it-all gleam in their eyes. Being accused of trying to interfere in his life and fun, knowing he is headed for a day of reckoning.

It goes against the Mommy mentality to stand by and watch as the shit hits the proverbial fan. It goes against the Mommy mentality to not rush in and try and save the day. To stand by and watch as consequences make your once-baby’s life more difficult. To see the uphill battle of life get steeper for him. Honestly it rips your heart to peices.

I know a young adult has to learn the lessons that come with irresponsible behavior. They have to feel the consequences of their actions, in order to learn from them and pull themselves out of the self-made mess they created.

The lessons in life can be hard and made harder by our own bad choices. The lesson I’m only now learning, that maybe I should have learned earlier in my children’s lives, is to not hop in and make it all better. To not hand a twenty dollar bill to an adult child to try and make things a little nicer.

I know I have made my share of mistakes as a parent. And as a parent you can’t help but worry the mistakes they make are not directly tied to your parenting. Feeling guilty doesn’t change the facts. Trying to bury that guilt with money and gifts, may lead to hurting them more.

Standing by and not bailing your kids out, but allowing them to do it for themselves, is the hardest lesson I’m only now working on. Seeng your predictions and warnings come home to roost, is not a good feeling. 

Tough Love. I’ve heard that expression thrown around for decades now. I started reading the book by that title years ago, although I can’t remember much about it now. I am coming to the conclusion, though, that tough love is by far harder on the parent than the adult child.

Tough love may be the only way to get through to some kids. Coming to the realization that your adult child in some ways is more like you than you would want for them. That they may very well be the type of person who will only learn from their own mistakes, and the consequences they endure.

Watching them make mistakes, remembering not to throw the proverbail baby out with the bath water, is another lesson I struggle with. Trying to remember all the wonderful qualities in your child that make you proud of him or her. Balance.

Remembering that he is, or can be, compassionate and kind hearted. That he doesn’t do drugs and drink. That he isn’t out prowling around for various women to use. His sense of humor that delights you when you least expect it. Balance.

Remembering that not bailing them out may be the most loving thing you can do for them. And that bailing them out may very well hurt their future indefinitely.

Being a parent means letting them struggle up that steep hill they created. If for no other reason than to allow them the opportunity to feel pride in overcoming those obstacles. To know they dug themselves out, and that they are indeed much stronger and capable than not only you, but than they thought themselves to be.

My once-baby is an adult. Adult enough to push me away, and block my advice or concerns. This makes him adult enough to take it all on. Not just the good but the bad as well. And gives him the opportunity to prove himself.

But it’s still the hardest lesson I’m learning.

Son-of-a-blankety-blank-blank-blank! Where did this last week go? This wasn’t a week with any significant events or activities, just the daily routine, a head cold, and catching up on....what? I’m going to chalk it up to adjusting post-Holidays.

This weekend will be all about working on and finishing up the thank-you notes to those who thought of us this holiday Season. Well, this is what we’ll be doing in between football games. It seems my devoted husband has taken my written blessing (an old post) on him watching his favorite sport seriously.  So be it. I think I can find ways to occupy myself that don’t include watching back-to-back football games. (This is NOT whining, just my attempt at a little lighthearted ribbing and humor directed at the hubby)

We will be going to the Phoenix Home Show, to get ideas on redoing our desert landscape in the front yard. Kevin has found a place to fit this in prior to the start of one of the many games he’ll be watching. As well as taking 3TSTAXI (aka; Teri’s Taupe Toyota) in for its very first tune-up.

I resent these yearly tune-ups. Seriously. You buy a brand new vehicle, that comes with a decent size monthly payment. One does this, knowing that car repairs are practically nil, and that dependability is at its best. BUT, annually, in order to maintain your parts and repairs insurance, you must take your relatively new vehicle in and spend an average of $300 to $500 to “tune-it-up?” This reeks of a scam if you ask me. And a waste of perfectly good rat-holed money taken from you against your will. 3TSTAXI has less than 8,000 miles on it, (I’ve had this vehicle since October 2005, although it’s a 2006 model. That’s VERY low miles people!) and has had her oil changed religiously on schedule. She does NOT need a so-called tune-up. Rat-bastard car lot thieves dealers!

But overall, I’m looking forward to a weekend sans kids, but with the hubby. Kidless weekends always go by far too fast. Since I don’t know where the week went, I’ve no doubt the weekend will fly by as well.

And that you’ll be seeing another post over the weekend, since I’ll be the proverbial football widow with plenty of time on my hands. (I secretly love this on occasion, though I won’t tell the husband that)

I hope that you have an enjoyable weekend, whatever is on the agenda.

Love,

3T

Today marks the second anniversary of the day I started blogging. Two years marked by ups and downs, good times and bad. And all of the above I can find right here in my archives.

I love this hobby, and find writing in my blog to be cathartic.  A focused outlet for all of my melodramatic feelings, emotions and thoughts, it has given me a form of therapy. As well as an accounting of what we have accomplished and gone through each year.

The hidden benefits, or the ones I didn’t anticipate, were the rewarding and close friendships I have developed with more than a few of my fellow bloggers. So I mark the day with a special post. I would also like to thank all of you who have read this blog throughout the two years. A special thank you to those who have taken the time out of their days to leave a comment or two; giving me both validation for my feelings and practical advice when I asked for it. You have been a blessing in my life, in one form or another, over the last two years.

Here’s to many more years of blogging!

Cheers!

3T

This weekend will be all about packing away the last remnants of the 2006 Holiday Season. Although I am a little wistful seeing everything bright and glittery packed away, I won’t waste energy begrudging the passage of time. Besides, the beginning of a new and what I believe will be a wonderful year is hardly reason to be sad.

December was a whirlwind of different activities, and with it I know each of us takes some wonderful memories.

For the first time EVER, I volunteered to be a chaperone for one of the rugrats’ school field trips. As Riley is my baby, the chances to do this are quickly coming to an end; I thought it was time to experience Momhood as a chaperone. Riley’s class took a trip to Polar Ice Skating rink, to ice skate and have a pizza party. Riley and I worked out the rules for Mom, including what I’m allowed to say and not say while in the presence of his classmates. No “I love yous” and no hugs. He did allow me to sit next to him on the bus, and to eat pizza with him and his buddies.

I found the experience rewarding. A chance to observe Riley and how he interacts with his classmates; I was actually surprised to see how low key he is around his classmates. Riley’s teacher has a special gift and bond with kids, and maintains control of the class with relative ease. Which meant what I mainly did was snap photos of the kids having a good time.

This month brought Tayler’s Holiday Orchestra concert as well. It amazed me at the amount of improvement in their music, just from the Fall concert. Watching her play beautiful music brought tears to my eyes. Of the good kind of course.

The hubby and I took the kids to MAC (Mesa Arts Center) to see the Mesa Symphony perform Handel’s Mesiah. A new experience for Riley, not-so-much for Tayler, who is in her school’s orchestra. Honestly, I have to admit that listening to classical music is something I would rather do in the privacy of my own home. Sitting for more than a couple of hours, even in the beautiful MAC was, well, torture. I’m getting old, and sitting in the same position is more than a little uncomfortable. Had it been a musical play, possibly it would have kept my interest more. How Riley got through it is beyond me. Overall I’m glad we went and had the opportunity to expose Riley to the Arts.

Kevin’s brother Jim, and his family, sent us a gift card to the Broadway Palms Theatre that we’ll use to take the kids to see a musical or play. I think this will be a much more enjoyable experience for the kids. (OK, as well as me) It was a wonderful idea and thoughtful gift. We have been talking about taking the kids to a play now for a couple of years. Now we just need to pick one. Tayler will love it. Riley? We’ll see. I’m thinking since his first experience was a symphony, seeing a play will be far more interesting and fun for him. (I know it will be for me.)

Close to Christmas I had a Christmas brunch for the girlfriends that I have met through blogging. We had a wonderful and relaxing time, visiting, eating and drinking. I want to thank Rhonda, Rachel and Jade for taking time out of their busy holiday schedules to come out to our house for a visit. I put together stockings for each of the ladies, stuffing them with different goodies I thought they would like. (I love playing Santa!) Kevin played bartender, and I don’t believe anyone could have done a better job at it! I am really amazed at what wonderful friends came from this hobby. I love each of these ladies as if we had known each other for years!

Christmas Eve, we went to my X-husband’s house for a little celebration with the kids, and their grandmother. (The X’s Mom) They had a wide variety of appetizers and champagne, and Tayler and her Dad put on a little Christmas concert for all of us. Her Dad played the guitar and Tayler her violin. Robby, my oldest, and his grandmother provided vocals. It was enjoyable, if not a little Norman Rockwell-ish. After all, my kids were performing, and they did my favorite Chritmas song, Oh Holy Night. As odd as it might sound, socializing with my X and his Mom, the joy in my kids’ faces, having all of their loved ones together is worth any slight discomfort there might be. I thank my understanding and confident husband for handling this situation as well as he does. I know if the tables were turned, well....I don’t see myself handling it quite as well as he does. (That may be putting it extremely mildly)

We didn’t end up making the turkey Christmas dinner as we had tentatively planned. It’t just so easy to make a reservation at a close resort for their Christmas buffet and let the kids eat themselves into a stuffed state of contentment. And it meant that the hubby and I could take off for Laughlin earlier in the day, not having the mass clean-up and prep a Holiday dinner carries.

Now it’s time to pack it all away, and look towards the first half of 2007.
I hope it’s a good one for us - and you!

Love,

3T

The New Year has started; thus ends another Holiday Season jam packed with activity and chaos, and now I’m up with insomnia in anticipation. The kids go back to school tomorrow morning, the hubby to work, and I can reclaim my quiet time. I’m so excited I can’t sleep! There’s something to be said for routine, especially when there’s a lack of it for a spell.

Kevin always takes the week after Christmas off from work, and we have our reconnect time during that week. A celebration of our anniversary a week early.

By the time I have this posted it will be our 4th wedding anniversary. Although the world and our daily lives don’t come to a halt on the actual anniversary, it is a day I know we both celebrate all year long.

I thank God daily for bringing my husband into my and my children’s lives. I truly never believed I would ever share the kind of love and companionship that I have with him. After two failed marriages, and various failed relationships, it was a pipe dream I had given up hope of ever finding. I never forget that feeling, and always treasure our time together.  (You may skip this post if too much ooey-gooey feelings are not your thang)

In celebration of our Anniversary, I put together a list of why I adore my husband.

1. He is an affectionate husband, who never fails to tell me he loves me; many times each day.

2. He cooks. Well. And often.

3. He consciously strives for my happiness. Even though he knows he is not responsible for my happiness, I love that he puts the effort into it.

4. He is wise. He is also intelligent, and knows that intelligence and wisdom are two very different attributes, both of which he has in spades.

5. He is attentive and caring; with me and the kids.

6. He really listens to me when we talk.

7. He is loyal and faithful, to me and our marriage.

8. He is sexy and handsome.

9. He makes me feel beautiful, even when I look like something the cat dragged into the house.

10. He is honest.

11. He is strong. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

12. He is disciplined, and is a hard worker, always striving for perfection.

13. He is ambitious. (Which is damn sexy to me. I’m not sure why, it just is.)

14. He values my opinions and seeks my advice.

15. He makes me feel needed and important.

16. He makes the effort daily for us to connect and talk, without interruptions, TV’s, kids or phones.

17. He shares my dedication to getting away, just the two of us, on a fairly regular basis.

18. He knows how to play and just have fun.

19. He is funny and has a sarcastic edge to his humor that I love.

20. He loves me completely.

Only a few of the many reasons, but some of why I love this man with everything in me. He is my lover, best friend and confidante. I treasure each and every day with him, even the not-so-terrific-days. 

And I want him to know I love him more every passing day. Happy anniversary “Kevin.”

Love,

Teri

Kevin and I took off mid-day Christmas day to our favorite hide-away in Laughlin, Nevada. The kids had a great Christmas, as did we. We opted for the resort buffet Christmas Day to skip all the work, and the kids loved being able to pick and choose Christmas dinner. (And we got out of town a little earlier too!)

After all the work and socializing and enjoyment that is the Holiday Season, it has always been our tradition to ditch town, just the two of us, and de-compress! We were excited to pull up in the driveway today, rested and re-connected as a couple.

Of course, it’s all sorts of football games from here until, oh I don’t know, till hell feezes over? I can’t keep up, and don’t want to waste brain space attempting to. Suffice it to say, Kevin will happily watch game after game after game, while I happily blog on and on and on.

We have a New Years Eve party to attend at Oh-Girl’s house, which should be fun. Although Rhonda, we’re old, and late nights rarely work for us. So if we bail before midnight, please understand worn out old people need their beauty sleep. Hey, and at 10:00 PM our time, it will be midnight in New York, which technically willl mean we made it until midnight. (Don’t argue with me, this is how I see it)

Once again, another Christmas Season comes to an end, which in some ways makes me sad; and of course, the parent in me breathes a sigh of relief. Although my tree and outdoor lights WILL remian on in full force until New Years Day. It’s tradition, and one must never mess with tradition.

Well, I hear a jacuzzi screaming my name full force. (That could be my aching muscles screaming for the jacuzzi.) Either way I’m on it!

Hope everyone’s Christmas was full of joy, happiness, and above all, time with loved ones.

Love,

3T

Oh Holy Night

Oh holy night!!

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees

Oh hear the angel voices

Oh night divine

Oh night when Christ was born

Oh night divine

Oh night divine

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming

Here come the wise men from Orient land

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger

In all our trials born to be our friend.

Truly He taught us to love one another

His law is love and His gospel is peace

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His name all oppression shall cease

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Merry Christmas, and God Bless you and yours this Blessed of Holidays.

Love,

3T