I wish I had some solid advice for you, but I think I’d probably handle it the same way you are. After living next door to you for 6 years and then to make the comment about Paul hiding you - is beyond overstepping the boundary, it’s freaking outlandishly RUDE and nasty. It almost sounds to me like emotional blackmail, like if you don’t help her out she’s going to spread rumors about you around the neighborhood or something.
You have every right to your privacy and simple lifestyle - don’t let someone else’s troubles land in your lap. That’s not cold, that’s preserving your sanity and peace of mind so that you can be a good wife and mother. Which, correctly in my opinion, should be your top priority.
WOW, we’re like two peas in a pod! I’m the same way with my neighbors—we’re friendly, but we keep a distance. I also do my best to avoid pushy people! I would certainly help my neighbor in a crisis, but beyond that, it would be up to their family and friends.
Since our return to the U.S., I warned my husband never to volunteer my services as a babysitter to our friends with younger children (he would do it in a heartbeat) without asking me first. I had a home daycare years ago, I raised my sons, and now it’s time for ME!
Keep us up-to-date with how you decide to handle this. I know I could certainly learn something too.
Hey Chicky. I don’t think you are in the wrong at all in your feelings. I’m a lot like you where I really don’t get to know my neighbors, but that is because I’m not outside too much and I’m kind of a person who is just more on the introverted side. My dad on the other hand, talks to anybody and everybody - he is just very outgoing and it’s his personality.
As far as what the bible says and to be giving… yes you are right and you are also right that God probably didn’t want us to be doormats either. Look at it this way, we are to be giving and charitable.... this includes being giving and charitable to YOURSELF and your own family by making your own life stress free and having to say no to others sometimes. Because how can you feel good about being charitable when you or your family are not taken care of first and foremost? That is how I look at it anyway.
That comment about your husband hiding you and the drug problem perception was out of line by her. It really was. The only reason I can think of as to why she said that was because she probably knows you are avoiding her and she feels hurt by it. So it’s her way of getting that across.
Part of me would laugh if someone said that to me and make me want to be even more shocking by saying something like, “Yep, I’m a meth addict so it’s best you keep your kids away from my influence.” lol Another part of me would be angry and want to lash out at her, “I really don’t give a crap what you or anybody else’s perceptions of me are and I’m not here to make life nice for you.”
Of course the most sensible thing I would think of to say to her would be, “Yes I haven’t been available too much and quite honestly I do like to use most of my time on my own family and keep to myself. You have been great and I’m happy you have some additions to your family, but I just can’t dedicate that kind of time and attention to others and I hope that doesn’t offend you.”
Usually the best way to deal with this kind of stuff is just to tell the person. Yes, it’s hard giving constructive feedback to someone. It’s hard to choose the right words and not come across as a mean person. But I think you could tell her in a nice way. Sure, she might be a tad bit butt hurt over it, but she’ll get over it. If she doesn’t well, then that is her problem. You could just say something like I said earlier, “I think you are a great lady and have been a fabulous neighbor. You are friendly and cheerful which I do appreciate. One thing I do want to let you know is I’m a kind of private person and I like to spend much of my time on my own family and things for myself. I have certain reasons for that which I’m not going to get into. With that, I really have to ask you not to depend on me for so much company or helping out with your kids, etc. (or whatever the things she is sucking up your time with). This does not mean we still can’t be friendly and occasionally get together. I just don’t think I can give you what you are looking for and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Or something like that. You could always tell her that on the phone if you don’t want to tell her to her face. And to make sure you don’t burn bridges, once in a blue moon you could do something nice for her like bring over a plate of cookies for the kids or something. It still shows you are nice and caring neighbor without giving too much of yourself. But only do it if you want to. Don’t ever do things because you feel obligated.
Of course this is only stuff I’m saying and you don’t have to do any of it or handle it any way you want to chicky. But know that you have every right to feel what you have been feeling. It is obvious she is probably feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t have much support and that is why she is pulling on you. Hang in there T.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I will definately help on the 27th. But after that, you should really tell her no more. Or get Paul to tell her husband. I don’t think they will hurt Smokey. Their Grand children are (in their own way) close to Smokey. They always say Hi to him and try petting him when ever they get close enough. Smokey will be fine.
You won’t be if you don’t do something about this woman.
I love you Mom and I hope you’re having a good day today. =)
(I’m in my English class right now. I’m shocked they STILL haven’t blocked your website from the school computers.)
Selflessness doesn’t always equate to godliness, just as being a little selfish (being there for one’s self) doesn’t equate to godlessness. Having grown up in a fundamental religion, I use to confuse this point and, at one time, gave so much of me (on many who didn’t really deserve my help or never gave in return) that I didn’t have anything left to give. It took some counseling to get me out of the trap. She sounds like a toxic person to me, someone you don’t need to tangle yourself up in. Steer clear and don’t feel guilty one iota. (Note: My word verification: gone)
Saying no is definitely my strong suit, but I’ve gotten better at it. The thing that works best for me is if I don’t try to explain why I’m saying no. “No, I’m afraid not. Sorry.” That can work quite well. And if pressed, I can add. “Sorry, I have a personal matter to attend to.” And if still pressed, then “Well, like I said, it’s personal and I don’t feel like discussing it” works. “Good luck with that” also help. I certainly avoid comments like “Maybe another time.” Because another time will come up.
I do daycare of one child all day - and I minister to this family only.
I homeschool a middle schooler and a high schooler. We have set routines.
I don’t need any toxic person in my life right now.
But this thought keeps nagging me. I was once a toxic person who has had help along the way and got delivered a whole bunch of junk. If I hadn’t had those friends, mentors, counselors, where would I be today?!!!!
its a nice post ...I will definately help on the 27th. But after that, you should really tell her no more. Or get Paul to tell her husband. I don’t think they will hurt Smokey. Their Grand 1z0-007 exam children are (in their own way) close to Smokey
A few months ago, a client commented that she was really glad I was talking about “listening”. She felt it was the big hole in personal growth literature. I have to agree and I wish more spiritual writers were talking about “how to listen.
Your article about this topic is really fascinating. I want to choose the research paper writing services to buy an essay and pre written essay about this good topic, because this is the interesting.
I wish I had some solid advice for you, but I think I’d probably handle it the same way you are. After living next door to you for 6 years and then to make the comment about Paul hiding you - is beyond overstepping the boundary, it’s freaking outlandishly RUDE and nasty. It almost sounds to me like emotional blackmail, like if you don’t help her out she’s going to spread rumors about you around the neighborhood or something.
You have every right to your privacy and simple lifestyle - don’t let someone else’s troubles land in your lap. That’s not cold, that’s preserving your sanity and peace of mind so that you can be a good wife and mother. Which, correctly in my opinion, should be your top priority.
WOW, we’re like two peas in a pod! I’m the same way with my neighbors—we’re friendly, but we keep a distance. I also do my best to avoid pushy people! I would certainly help my neighbor in a crisis, but beyond that, it would be up to their family and friends.
Since our return to the U.S., I warned my husband never to volunteer my services as a babysitter to our friends with younger children (he would do it in a heartbeat) without asking me first. I had a home daycare years ago, I raised my sons, and now it’s time for ME!
Keep us up-to-date with how you decide to handle this. I know I could certainly learn something too.
Hey Chicky. I don’t think you are in the wrong at all in your feelings. I’m a lot like you where I really don’t get to know my neighbors, but that is because I’m not outside too much and I’m kind of a person who is just more on the introverted side. My dad on the other hand, talks to anybody and everybody - he is just very outgoing and it’s his personality.
As far as what the bible says and to be giving… yes you are right and you are also right that God probably didn’t want us to be doormats either. Look at it this way, we are to be giving and charitable.... this includes being giving and charitable to YOURSELF and your own family by making your own life stress free and having to say no to others sometimes. Because how can you feel good about being charitable when you or your family are not taken care of first and foremost? That is how I look at it anyway.
That comment about your husband hiding you and the drug problem perception was out of line by her. It really was. The only reason I can think of as to why she said that was because she probably knows you are avoiding her and she feels hurt by it. So it’s her way of getting that across.
Part of me would laugh if someone said that to me and make me want to be even more shocking by saying something like, “Yep, I’m a meth addict so it’s best you keep your kids away from my influence.” lol Another part of me would be angry and want to lash out at her, “I really don’t give a crap what you or anybody else’s perceptions of me are and I’m not here to make life nice for you.”
Of course the most sensible thing I would think of to say to her would be, “Yes I haven’t been available too much and quite honestly I do like to use most of my time on my own family and keep to myself. You have been great and I’m happy you have some additions to your family, but I just can’t dedicate that kind of time and attention to others and I hope that doesn’t offend you.”
Usually the best way to deal with this kind of stuff is just to tell the person. Yes, it’s hard giving constructive feedback to someone. It’s hard to choose the right words and not come across as a mean person. But I think you could tell her in a nice way. Sure, she might be a tad bit butt hurt over it, but she’ll get over it. If she doesn’t well, then that is her problem. You could just say something like I said earlier, “I think you are a great lady and have been a fabulous neighbor. You are friendly and cheerful which I do appreciate. One thing I do want to let you know is I’m a kind of private person and I like to spend much of my time on my own family and things for myself. I have certain reasons for that which I’m not going to get into. With that, I really have to ask you not to depend on me for so much company or helping out with your kids, etc. (or whatever the things she is sucking up your time with). This does not mean we still can’t be friendly and occasionally get together. I just don’t think I can give you what you are looking for and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Or something like that. You could always tell her that on the phone if you don’t want to tell her to her face. And to make sure you don’t burn bridges, once in a blue moon you could do something nice for her like bring over a plate of cookies for the kids or something. It still shows you are nice and caring neighbor without giving too much of yourself. But only do it if you want to. Don’t ever do things because you feel obligated.
Of course this is only stuff I’m saying and you don’t have to do any of it or handle it any way you want to chicky. But know that you have every right to feel what you have been feeling. It is obvious she is probably feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t have much support and that is why she is pulling on you. Hang in there T.
Sorry this was soooo long winded! lol
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I will definately help on the 27th. But after that, you should really tell her no more. Or get Paul to tell her husband. I don’t think they will hurt Smokey. Their Grand children are (in their own way) close to Smokey. They always say Hi to him and try petting him when ever they get close enough. Smokey will be fine.
You won’t be if you don’t do something about this woman.
I love you Mom and I hope you’re having a good day today. =)
(I’m in my English class right now. I’m shocked they STILL haven’t blocked your website from the school computers.)
(hehe)
Selflessness doesn’t always equate to godliness, just as being a little selfish (being there for one’s self) doesn’t equate to godlessness. Having grown up in a fundamental religion, I use to confuse this point and, at one time, gave so much of me (on many who didn’t really deserve my help or never gave in return) that I didn’t have anything left to give. It took some counseling to get me out of the trap. She sounds like a toxic person to me, someone you don’t need to tangle yourself up in. Steer clear and don’t feel guilty one iota. (Note: My word verification: gone)
Saying no is definitely my strong suit, but I’ve gotten better at it. The thing that works best for me is if I don’t try to explain why I’m saying no. “No, I’m afraid not. Sorry.” That can work quite well. And if pressed, I can add. “Sorry, I have a personal matter to attend to.” And if still pressed, then “Well, like I said, it’s personal and I don’t feel like discussing it” works. “Good luck with that” also help. I certainly avoid comments like “Maybe another time.” Because another time will come up.
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I feel what you feel.
I do daycare of one child all day - and I minister to this family only.
I homeschool a middle schooler and a high schooler. We have set routines.
I don’t need any toxic person in my life right now.
But this thought keeps nagging me. I was once a toxic person who has had help along the way and got delivered a whole bunch of junk. If I hadn’t had those friends, mentors, counselors, where would I be today?!!!!
its a nice post ...I will definately help on the 27th. But after that, you should really tell her no more. Or get Paul to tell her husband. I don’t think they will hurt Smokey. Their Grand 1z0-007 exam children are (in their own way) close to Smokey
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A few months ago, a client commented that she was really glad I was talking about “listening”. She felt it was the big hole in personal growth literature. I have to agree and I wish more spiritual writers were talking about “how to listen.
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