It must be tough to have those conflicting emotions, and not being sure of when to lend help and when to pull back.
Though it may not speak to your experience here, I’ll offer my own experience. In my case,the tough love approach worked. I was eighteen and in 1’st year university. The credit card my parents provided me for “emergencies only” soon became the weekend entertainment budget.
At Christmas when I finally came clean to my parents about the almost 10,000 Visa bill, I was given one option. They would pay the first bill to give me time to look for extra work, and I’d be responsible for the rest. I swear that lesson is one that has prevented further financial disasters in my life.
Mine aren’t that old yet but I remember quite clearly putting my parents through hell from about 14 to oh maybe 26? If it wasn’t for Gary I’m sure they would worry about me now.
Without spilling all the bullshit to strangers in your comments you know what I’m referring to and I wish I could say something comfortating or witty to make you feel better but it doesn’t work like that.
I paid for mistakes I made at 18 for years.. same for 24 and 26 and I’m still paying for some of them.. and I DID do the drugs and alcohol thing.
I am volunteering for the kicking position when you decide he needs a kick in the head.
First, Happy Blog-versary (late)! I’m so glad I found you out here in blogland. You’re a good one to listen to.
Second, I can sooooo relate to this post. With four adult children I always laugh when I talk to people with little kids that ask “it will get better, right?”. I answer… I don’t know if “better” is the word, but there is never a dull moment! Forget about parenthood stopping at age 18. It NEVER does… but you know? Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Don’t worry, hun… it WILL get better. Just takes longer sometimes than others. It’s so worth it, tho’…
Happy blog anniversary! You’re so right about kids. I’ve been having major baby pangs, even though I know it would be total insanity to through THAT into the mix here!
Amanda’s on the cusp of becoming an adult and it scares me to death. I, too, will have to find that balance of not meddling, but helping them through life. It’s such a scary thing, isn’t it?
Ha! My word to submit below is “yes.” Guess that answers my question, lol.
This is the first entry of yours that I’ve read and from what I can tell you sound like a really really good Mom.
I’m 17 and I have two older sister(in their 20s) and one younger(15) so I’ve seen kids acting weird and angsty and I know how it feels to be weird and angsty. So even though I’m a stranger to you...I just want to say that it sounds like you really love your kid and that you’re a really good Mom. Your kid must really appreciate you even if they don’t always show it right now.
If only we could do parenting backwards, or see a slideshow of what it will be like when they’re adults. It would probably cause us to carefully think out our decisions when they’re little, when we had some control of them. We could let them crash & burn under our supervision (I’m not referring to anything illegal), but we’d be there, so they’d learn a life lesson, but not be hurt. Does that make sense?
My heart started racing as I read this cuz I’m so where you’re at right now. Mine are 24 & 26 & living on their own. For some stupid reason, I thought worrying about our kids stopped when they turned 18. WRONG! It gets worse cuz now we have NO control. We can say whatever we want, but if they heed our warning, that is their choice.
How did our parents survive us? Mercy. Patience. Miracles?
*sigh* If we could only hold our breath through this part.
Oh girl, I just love your new look! Fantastic job, Rachel!
My children aren’t there just yet, and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know there will be a day that I will relate to it, and when that day comes, you will have navigated the situation with the same grace and style you always do. you will be fresh faced and wise. It’s already showing!
I know what you mean. I always pray I don’t ever face anything too serious with my kids, but I already have that plan in place, I will NOT bail them out, they have to fix it themself.
And as parents, we certainly do not take pleasure in seeing our baby fall on his face.
I think that tough love thing really works, though, stick with it. The wort thing I’ve seen parents do is bail out an adult child. They always get burned in the end.
My son is 15 and when he turned 13 it did hit the fan. For a while. Then I remembered that I didn’t like my mom when I was 13 and started trying to get in his corner in some small way. It has helped so much. I’m not saying that there won’t be other mountains, but I honestly pray everyday he doesn’t do a quarter of what I did. At least you sound like you are aware which a lot of parents aren’t. And you care. That’s the bottom line. You are obviously a great mom and I like your attitude.
and in a few years time, you will get a thank you. It just takes time to settle in their brains.
OK, so I’ll postpone those pregnancy plans for a little while longer, then…
It must be tough to have those conflicting emotions, and not being sure of when to lend help and when to pull back.
Though it may not speak to your experience here, I’ll offer my own experience. In my case,the tough love approach worked. I was eighteen and in 1’st year university. The credit card my parents provided me for “emergencies only” soon became the weekend entertainment budget.
At Christmas when I finally came clean to my parents about the almost 10,000 Visa bill, I was given one option. They would pay the first bill to give me time to look for extra work, and I’d be responsible for the rest. I swear that lesson is one that has prevented further financial disasters in my life.
Mine aren’t that old yet but I remember quite clearly putting my parents through hell from about 14 to oh maybe 26? If it wasn’t for Gary I’m sure they would worry about me now.
Without spilling all the bullshit to strangers in your comments you know what I’m referring to and I wish I could say something comfortating or witty to make you feel better but it doesn’t work like that.
I paid for mistakes I made at 18 for years.. same for 24 and 26 and I’m still paying for some of them.. and I DID do the drugs and alcohol thing.
I am volunteering for the kicking position when you decide he needs a kick in the head.
I can’t wait until Monday. Love you
First, Happy Blog-versary (late)! I’m so glad I found you out here in blogland. You’re a good one to listen to.
Second, I can sooooo relate to this post. With four adult children I always laugh when I talk to people with little kids that ask “it will get better, right?”. I answer… I don’t know if “better” is the word, but there is never a dull moment! Forget about parenthood stopping at age 18. It NEVER does… but you know? Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Don’t worry, hun… it WILL get better. Just takes longer sometimes than others. It’s so worth it, tho’…
Happy blog anniversary! You’re so right about kids. I’ve been having major baby pangs, even though I know it would be total insanity to through THAT into the mix here!
Amanda’s on the cusp of becoming an adult and it scares me to death. I, too, will have to find that balance of not meddling, but helping them through life. It’s such a scary thing, isn’t it?
Ha! My word to submit below is “yes.” Guess that answers my question, lol.
This is the first entry of yours that I’ve read and from what I can tell you sound like a really really good Mom.
I’m 17 and I have two older sister(in their 20s) and one younger(15) so I’ve seen kids acting weird and angsty and I know how it feels to be weird and angsty. So even though I’m a stranger to you...I just want to say that it sounds like you really love your kid and that you’re a really good Mom. Your kid must really appreciate you even if they don’t always show it right now.
If only we could do parenting backwards, or see a slideshow of what it will be like when they’re adults. It would probably cause us to carefully think out our decisions when they’re little, when we had some control of them. We could let them crash & burn under our supervision (I’m not referring to anything illegal), but we’d be there, so they’d learn a life lesson, but not be hurt. Does that make sense?
My heart started racing as I read this cuz I’m so where you’re at right now. Mine are 24 & 26 & living on their own. For some stupid reason, I thought worrying about our kids stopped when they turned 18. WRONG! It gets worse cuz now we have NO control. We can say whatever we want, but if they heed our warning, that is their choice.
How did our parents survive us? Mercy. Patience. Miracles?
*sigh* If we could only hold our breath through this part.
I almost forgot...I love your new blog design.
Oh girl, I just love your new look! Fantastic job, Rachel!
My children aren’t there just yet, and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know there will be a day that I will relate to it, and when that day comes, you will have navigated the situation with the same grace and style you always do. you will be fresh faced and wise. It’s already showing!
*hugs*
I wish my mom could’ve read your post 15 years ago;)
I know what you mean. I always pray I don’t ever face anything too serious with my kids, but I already have that plan in place, I will NOT bail them out, they have to fix it themself.
And as parents, we certainly do not take pleasure in seeing our baby fall on his face.
I think that tough love thing really works, though, stick with it. The wort thing I’ve seen parents do is bail out an adult child. They always get burned in the end.
My son is 15 and when he turned 13 it did hit the fan. For a while. Then I remembered that I didn’t like my mom when I was 13 and started trying to get in his corner in some small way. It has helped so much. I’m not saying that there won’t be other mountains, but I honestly pray everyday he doesn’t do a quarter of what I did. At least you sound like you are aware which a lot of parents aren’t. And you care. That’s the bottom line. You are obviously a great mom and I like your attitude.