Radiation therapy that is. This is me letting loose with pent-up frustration, for my own benefit. In other words this is the warning that if you don’t want to read negative, neurotic ranting, this is where you should X out in the upper right hand corner!

We went to the oncologist, and then Paul saw the radiation oncologist today. Unfortunately, even with a clean bone scan and abdominal MRI that showed no signs of cancer; due to the high spikes in his PSA, it is being strongly recommended that he start radiation therapy immediately. Long story short, a spike in PSA readings out of no where is a strong indication that the cancer cells are somewhere in his body. Both (new) doctors feel that most likely it is in the area where the prostate sat prior to removal. And the sense of urgency is to nail them NOW, there; before they have a chance to spread.

After all that my husband’s body has been through with this cancer; I’m angry! Pissed off and frustrated. I understand there are those who are far less fortunate than he is, as far as cancer goes. It doesn’t stop the frustration, fear and total sense of childish “this isn’t fair” mentality that is gripping my emotions. And yes I know life isn’t fair. So please pleaseplease no comments of philosophical wisdom. This is my diary to rant, rave and stomp my feet like a spoiled child! It is also how I get things out of me, so that what needs to be done, can be done, minus all the emotional bullsh*t! If I could take this on myself, and have it spare him, I would. Besides, I make a far better martyr than he does. (Bad attempt at a morbid joke)

So this is middle-age. One medical problem after another. I’m sorry, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that middle-age are our best years. So far I’m not finding this party to be all “they” said it would be! And who the Hell is “they?” I’d truly like to kick the sh*t out of them at the moment!

I know I’ll get myself together, break out the spinach and the rest of the immune system booster foods, and do what I can for his discomfort. But right now, I just feel like curling up and hiding from the world. And reality. Oh, and cry like a baby for a few hours.

I know that we are blessed in many ways. I just don’t feel like counting them. Maybe tomorrow.