Sedona Sunsetting - Teri Maryniak

I grew up on fairytales. Not necessarily the children’s books that end with the damsel finding her Prince, and living happily ever after. I do have vague memories of just such books, like Cinderella, which, face it, when you’re a slob like me with a total distaste for scrubbing floors, didn’t appeal to me much. As I was the oldest, if there was any sibling bullying, it was most likely perpetrated by myself. Not any wicked step-sisters or my real sister. Add to that the fact that I had huge feet for a woman (they do match my height), I saw the Prince hunting for the tiny little footed princess to be discrimination. So that isn’t a good example.

When I hit that delicate age of twelve, when young girls start changing, my fairytales were Harlequin romances. Again, they always ended with the self-sufficient woman finding her Prince and riding off into the sunset together. (In an expensive car, of course) There was one other book I got my hands on at this tender age that I don’t think I’ve ever told my parents I got hold of. “S*x on the Beach,” was inadvertently stuck into the bag of Harlequin Romances that a neighbor lady would send my way, when she was done with them. Now that was an education!  With no happy ending either.

Back to topic. From the too-many-to-count Harlequins I read over those years came the desire to find my rich, handsome, dashing and sexy Knight in Shining Armor. I craved a romance like the ones had by all the beautiful women in the Harlequins. As I was merely 14 or 15 by then, my wait was bound to be years into the future.

Now, as a somewhat jaded and cynical woman of 44, I have come to realize just how damaging those fairytales are to girls and then women. With every fairytale ENDING at till death do us part, no one bothered to tell us there was more. Much, much more to life than what Hollywood and fairytales gave us.

Consequently, I believe there were those of us who searched for their fairytale. Two failed marriages and a few illicit attempts at finding it proved either that it didn’t exist or I wasn’t “good enough” to receive what the rest of the world seemed to already find. At the time, I leaned toward the “I wasn’t getting it right” and I wasn’t worthy of the fairytale.

Now, I finally have my “prince charming.” Translated, that means I found a man who I love and who loves me. One who has some similar interests as mine, and treasured togetherness as much as I do.

Is it a fairytale? Nope! Far from it. At least by Harlequin Romance standards. What we did find was a mate to stand with and work together on life’s many problems. Not quite the carefree fairytale of childhood dreams. But worth fighting for till the very end. An ending that is unknown and goes far beyond “and they lived happily ever after.”

In the seven years that my boyfriend/then husband and I have been together, we have faced sickness, cancer, both threats of it and the real thing, catheters, peri-menopause, bulged discs, financial problems, kids’ schedules that have had both our heads spinning in opposite directions, cat puke, lost jobs, stomach bugs, that if anything are not conducive with romance. Now add broken appliances, flying pieces of roof during monsoon season, broken down vehicles, BBQers catching on fire, pool cleaners that break down yearly, weed-pulling, burnt dinners, the eX-baggage problems, and a few family feuds. Now I ask you, does this sound like happily ever after to you? No, I didn’t think so.

I think that my sub-conscience belief in the fairytale existed right up until we went on our honeymoon. Except as we headed for the plane, we were worried about my job, (lay-offs were imminent) and my mother had breast cancer, with the tests of how exactly advanced it was, still unknown.

It was well after the honeymoon that I gave up the ghost of happily-ever-after. Each day presented its own unique set of problems that had my inner romantic screaming, “That’s not fair!!! I found my Prince, now I want my Happily-f*cking-ever-after!” Before the thought was complete, a new problem would pop up.

And that, dear friends, is life. I’m sure a good deal of women never struggled with this lesson. I however, wasn’t one of them.

Over the years we have learned to snatch moments of happy whenever we could work it in. From trips to far-off places, to playing pinochle on the patio, we steal laughter and love as often as is possible. My clever husband came up with a way to give me moments of happily-ever-after in the form of a daily email that speaks of love and persevering over our problems. Reality with a touch of the melodramatic love story my inner romantic was after.

And it is these moments, trips, emails and laughter we focus on whenever we are faced with a daunting project, sickness and the daily grind.

We are dealing with a possible return of cancer, as I type this. Coming to this point, after all we were able to persevere over, (with prayer and God’s intervention) are two seasoned pro’s that are praying and taking it one day at a time.

There is no emotional melodrama or impatient hand-wringing worry. We know that the future is in God’s hands. And we will be taking this one step at a time. Starting with another PET scan.

Paul’s PSA readings have shot up out of nowhere. One went extremely high, then it came down a week later, and then it really shot up a couple of days after that.

Although we dealt with his prostate cancer and the complications the botched surgery caused, this is new territory. We have searched the internet, asked the doctor, (who’s response from what I gather came down to he didn’t know what was going on) talked to the RNs in our family, and of course prayed. The doctor wanted to get him started in radiation as soon as is possible. WHY? That’s the question of the month right now.

He doesn’t HAVE a prostate. WHY are his PSA readings shooting up? No one seems to know. I guess what I’m hoping at this point, is that somewhere out there in the great big world-wide-web SOMEONE who has had his prostate removed, has experienced what Paul is going through right now, and will run across this and enlighten us.  Fat chance I realize, but one never knows…

We will be searching out a new urologist after the pet scan. This doctor that he’s seeing now, has lied to us on more than a couple of occasions.  For all we know, there was more to that botched surgery than we were told. If that’s the case, the only way to find out is through a new doctor, who has higher ethics and is more concerned with patient care than his ambition.

In the meantime, appliances continue to break down, kids’ schedules must be met, work must continue. Life goes on, but with a new mountain to climb.

Fairytales be damned; but if you believe in the power of prayer, we’re asking for them. If you believe in meditation, healing, positive thoughts, or budha for that matter, we want those thoughts and prayers too. We want some answers to questions that do not seem available to us right now.

We have every intention of attacking this “blip” on our radars with the gusto and aggressiveness of the strong realists I know we have become. Stealing some laughter and love along the way.

And to family that we didn’t share any of this with, we had our reasons. Not to keep you in the dark, but to not spoil some celebrations that deserved nothing but happy thoughts and feelings. Margie, I hear the big 5-0 is the new 40! A very special and Happy Birthday as well as a wonderful year ahead, from Paul and me!  Rob and Cheryl, you’re beginning your lives together, with so many wonderful adventures ahead of you. As well as some rough times; but those adventures and rough times are what help build a strong marriage, when you work together. Besides your relationship with our Savior, make each other your number 1 priority in life. And make love, laughter, fun and good times a priority as well. They’ll see you through those rough times.

With Love,

3T