Mon 03.21
Friendship & Grieving
I have played catch-up today, and read a lot of my favorite blogs that I have missed while my girlfriend Delta was here for a visit. We had a wonderful time, catching up on each others lives, and running around. We did lots of shopping, at several different malls, and went out to Rawhide, a small touristy western town set up in Scottsdale. We also got an old time saloon girl photo done there. (Which I'll post in my photo blog eventually) Went out for a nice prime rib dinner at Houstons, dressed up in semi- formal evening attire. Somthing I think she enjoyed. As this is somthing we normally never did in the small redneck town we lived in, in WA state. It was a very special time, that I will treasure always.
Unfortunately, we also received some sad news during Delta's visit. Especially sad for my husband. His father passed away Friday night. Kevin's dad was 87, and had lost his wife to Alzheimers 4 years ago. Kevin and I have had many conversations about losing his mother, and in general losing ones parents. This in some ways did not come as a huge shock to Kevin, due to his father's age. But it was out of the blue. One night Kevin has his normal nightly call with his father, and the next he was lying in a hospital bed unconscious.
By Friday night, the DNR paperwork was in place, and they were ready to unplug the 7 machines that were working to keep Chet alive. The timing of his death coinciding with the story in the media right now, has had both my husband and I contemplating the nature of death, and what we would wish, should somthing happen to either of us unforseen.
The mercy I see that Chet provided for his eight children, was that he had his Do Not Resuscitate paperwork in order. Which spelled out exactly what his wishes were if he were to be incapacitated, and unable to express his wishes. This gift that Chet gave to his children, during their time of grief is unmeasurable, as we can see from the story that is playing out in the news.
My husband and his siblings are not, nor were they plagued by arguments of what to do for Chet, and what not to do. Without going into the gory details, between a massive stroke, and 2nd and 3rd degree burns, caused by falling in the shower, where he lay for over an hour, his chance for any quality of life in recovery were slim to nil. And basically he lay unresponsive in the hospital for 24 hours. But Chet had put his paperwork in order long before the unforseen happened.
Now my husband and his sibs can mourn the loss of their father, remember the wonderful things about him, without any guilt over what was done. No one made that decision but Chet.
My husband and I were up Friday night until 4:00 AM talking about his father, and his love and gratitude for all his father had done for him over the years. I hurt for my husband, and wanted so much to take this sadness away from him. And all I could do, was just be there and listen, and hold him. Grief is a part of life, we don't like it, but it is. In this case, Kevin sees the blessings in his father's long life. But he will miss him, and feel this ache for many months to come. I am just grateful that there was not any legal or famalial battles attached to this natural part of living and dying.
Rest in peace Chet. You left your legacy of 8 kids, who loved you dearly. And you are on to your heavenly rewards, joined by your wife, and one of your sons.
And for my part, I promise you Chet, and your wife Teresa, that I will take care of, and love your oldest son with all my heart. Doing all I can to bring joy, love, peace and comfort to his life until we both join you in Heaven.
And on that note, I urge everyone to either fill out a DNR and/or Living Will. The drama, the pain, confusion and grief, need not, and should not be played out in the courts of law, or within the government. These are personal decisions that should be handled long before they ever have a possiblity of being an issue.
I say a prayer of thanks, that Chet had had the wisdom to deal with this for his children.
Unfortunately, we also received some sad news during Delta's visit. Especially sad for my husband. His father passed away Friday night. Kevin's dad was 87, and had lost his wife to Alzheimers 4 years ago. Kevin and I have had many conversations about losing his mother, and in general losing ones parents. This in some ways did not come as a huge shock to Kevin, due to his father's age. But it was out of the blue. One night Kevin has his normal nightly call with his father, and the next he was lying in a hospital bed unconscious.
By Friday night, the DNR paperwork was in place, and they were ready to unplug the 7 machines that were working to keep Chet alive. The timing of his death coinciding with the story in the media right now, has had both my husband and I contemplating the nature of death, and what we would wish, should somthing happen to either of us unforseen.
The mercy I see that Chet provided for his eight children, was that he had his Do Not Resuscitate paperwork in order. Which spelled out exactly what his wishes were if he were to be incapacitated, and unable to express his wishes. This gift that Chet gave to his children, during their time of grief is unmeasurable, as we can see from the story that is playing out in the news.
My husband and his siblings are not, nor were they plagued by arguments of what to do for Chet, and what not to do. Without going into the gory details, between a massive stroke, and 2nd and 3rd degree burns, caused by falling in the shower, where he lay for over an hour, his chance for any quality of life in recovery were slim to nil. And basically he lay unresponsive in the hospital for 24 hours. But Chet had put his paperwork in order long before the unforseen happened.
Now my husband and his sibs can mourn the loss of their father, remember the wonderful things about him, without any guilt over what was done. No one made that decision but Chet.
My husband and I were up Friday night until 4:00 AM talking about his father, and his love and gratitude for all his father had done for him over the years. I hurt for my husband, and wanted so much to take this sadness away from him. And all I could do, was just be there and listen, and hold him. Grief is a part of life, we don't like it, but it is. In this case, Kevin sees the blessings in his father's long life. But he will miss him, and feel this ache for many months to come. I am just grateful that there was not any legal or famalial battles attached to this natural part of living and dying.
Rest in peace Chet. You left your legacy of 8 kids, who loved you dearly. And you are on to your heavenly rewards, joined by your wife, and one of your sons.
And for my part, I promise you Chet, and your wife Teresa, that I will take care of, and love your oldest son with all my heart. Doing all I can to bring joy, love, peace and comfort to his life until we both join you in Heaven.
And on that note, I urge everyone to either fill out a DNR and/or Living Will. The drama, the pain, confusion and grief, need not, and should not be played out in the courts of law, or within the government. These are personal decisions that should be handled long before they ever have a possiblity of being an issue.
I say a prayer of thanks, that Chet had had the wisdom to deal with this for his children.
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