1982
He’s tall, dark and handsome. A cross between Sam Elliot, the actor and Jack Trippers best friend on Three’s Company. His gazes penetrates me, with a calm sensuality and a twinkle in his eyes. Setting the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. When we go out, he basically sneaking me into clubs, where he often goes on stage to play the blues on his harmonicas. I feel special and lucky. He’s chosen me, declaring his love for me.
Christmas Party
In the stall of a restroom, I’m eavesdropping on three women from his work. Exclaiming how that “sexy Kevin, will party with them. How much fun he is!” I enter the washroom area, they don’t know yet, that I am with him....I’m so lucky--He’s with me. Feeling pride seep thru my blood, filling me up. With love? (The closest thing I’ve ever felt to it)
Valentine’s Day
He lavishes gifts on me. He makes a 5 foot tall cardboard heart, and decorates it, putting my name in the center of it. Dining romantically, to candle light. A Valentine’s Day, made of dreams. He’s been drinking, but I’ve seen him drink before. Something bothers me this time, I can’t put my finger on it though.
Me: Kevin, I need to go to bed now. I have to work in the morning....
Him: (Not looking in my direction) “Good. Go to bed. I need some alone time.”
Me:"What’s wrong?”
Him: Go to bed. Leave me alone. I miss my daughter, and that fucking cunt is hiding her from me!”
Me: C’mon Kevin. You’re drunk, you need some sleep. Come to bed!
Him: “ I said leave me the fuck alone!”
Stunned, I go to bed. Stunned, shocked and frightened.
1:00 AM that night.
Awakened in a stupor, to LOUD music playing. Loud Bob Dylan music playing--his hero.
Me:” KEVIN!!! TURN THAT DOWN!!!”
His harmonica goes into a riff, in time with the music. It’s as if he can’t hear me...Filling me with an eerie adrenaline, that is building up to a rage. There are beer cans littering the apartment floor, one spilled,leaving a darker shade to the fibers, left to sink into the carpet. The odor a mixture of beer, sweat and cigarette smoke stings my nose, letting me know he had chained smoke for hours, drank for hours, and played the harmonica, although it hadn’t been loud enough to wake me before now...My anger builds to
Me: KEVIN!! SHUT THAT FUCKING MUSIC OFF!!!
Hissing at me, with a faraway, unfocused stare to his eyes.
Him: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??!!
Me: I’M SUPPOSED TO BE THE WOMAN YOU LOVE!!
I’m scared, but my fear has slid into rage. I can’t believe this is the same man, of less then 5 hours ago! I stomp into the livingroom, and slam the music off! Just feeling his big hand wrap around the hair on the back of my head; pulling me up and backward, until I fall. I don’t feel the first few kicks at all. Is this shock?
Him: You stupid slut! Look what you’re making me do!! I’m the best fucking thing that’s happened to you! YOU pushed me to this!!!
I find my voice, and my rage.
Me:"Leave me the hell alone you fucking loser!! It’s a good thing your Ex is keeping you from your daughter you animal!!”
I don’t remember when the back handing and open fisted punches ceased. I would just call them punches...but surely a young woman of 19 couldn’t live thru a full grown healthy mans punches. I’d fall to the ground, to have him lift me back up, for another round. On the ground wasn’t safe either, as the kicks came more furiously then the back handing.
He left the apartment. In his righteous anger. I pushed him over the edge. If only I hadn’t said what I did about his daughter. I cried myself to sleep, musing at the sting of my tears on my cheeks. That’s odd…
The Morning After
The first glimpse in the mirror, set off a new round of tears. One eye swollen purple and black shut. The other threatening to do the same. I can’t go to work like this.
Me: “Sharon, I can’t come to work for a few days. I fell down the apartment stairs, and can hardly move.”
The lies slipped out naturally, easily, without having to think. My bruises are starting to ache, all over me. Red, purple and black splotches, with no pattern are forming on my neck, arms, legs and back..... I don’t recognize me in the mirror.
I slide back under the covers. I can’t face this, I need sleep.
My eyes try to open, not focusing. My nose breathes in the sour smell of old alcohol mixed with sweat, that seeps from his pores. Yep, there he is, his face close to mine, staring at me, tears rolling down his cheeks. He has HIS eyes back, not those evil strangers eyes of the night before. He is seeing me again, he is focusing and looking at me.
Him: “I’m sorry Teri. Oh God! I’m so sorry! I’m worried sick about my daughter. When you said what you did, I snapped. God; you have to forgive me! You’re my world, I need you!”
Me: “LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FACE!!!” My righteous indignation rising to the surface.
Me: How can you say you love me, and then do this!??!”
Him: I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you! I promise Teri, I love you!”
More tears, more begging. A “man” humbled at my feet. I must be a heartless bitch! I wrap my bruised arms around him, pull him close to me, as he cries in my arms........
Part Two, The Kevin everyone knows and loves.
Sidenote: This is a retelling of my first unholy alliance, with a minion of Satan, otherwise known as Husband Number One.
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3T (3rd Times a Charm)
Friday • 09.30.2005 •
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Learning My Mistakes--A Tale From the Past.
