I admit to purposefully waiting to write regarding Riley and his misdeed. One, because I have a tendency to become emotionally overwrought when my teens, OK, teen doesn’t act or respond in the ways that I’ve tried my best to teach him.

When I first learn of misdeeds, I see it automatically as my failure. Maybe more so since my main function in life to date is that of a parent. When something goes wrong, when your child acts unbecoming in the ways you feel you have trained them to go, it’s like screwing up on the job. Except for the fact that as a parent, screwing up on the job can have far reaching, life altering damages. Anywhere from teen pregnancy, drugs or, in this case, a police record. All of which can adversely affect your child for years or a lifetime. THAT is scary!

I could sit and write 100 different ways I could unintentionally screw up my kids! Reaching for help, (ie; parenting books) has its own downside. Having picked up more than a couple, what I have come away with is they all contradict each other. Having known parents who have tried the lenient, spare-their-self-esteem approach, and the “tough-love” approach, what I’ve learned is you can end up with a screwed up young adult child regardless of your approach to parenting. (Saying nothing of parents who go for the blind-eyes approach. ie, if I ignore this it will go away.)

With all this in mind, and having been the recipient of Principal’s and a police officer’s phone calls, I knew enough to not make any snap decisions regarding punishment. Punishment that would have been based on my own sense of failure more than on what will communicate to Riley the possible ramifications of his actions.

Having had the opportunity to talk it out with my husband, father and wonderful friend Rachel gave me a chance to come from a more rational mode of thought other than reacting out of emotion and some sense of failure.

Consequently, there have been a couple sit-downs with Riley and punishment that would make an impact. No, I didn’t yank his X-Box Live altogether. I did yank it for 10 days as well as ground him from friends and phone calls during this time as well. I have asked for help on any level I thought might get through to Riley. From having his older brother, whom he looks up to, take him for a walk and chat on how to treat girls and anyone for that matter. His Dad talked to him, his step-Dad talked to him. Albeit all chats about it were initiated at different times and eased into conversations subtley.

The school took their own approach. Riley is near the end of his “community service” performed on school grounds. He has been assisting the janitor for almost a week after school. I’m not sure how effective this was, as he came home saying the janitor was cool and the work was fun. Riley made it seem so fun, he had kids volunteering to do his work, and when he said he HAD to, they volunteered for Community Service. Secretly I couldn’t help but smile.  Reminded of Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, and a fence that needed white-washing.

Personally, I believe my son has learned a lesson he wasn’t even aware existed. He reacted as a 5th grader might, getting back at a classmate. Which may warrant punishment, but usually doesn’t have the words “harassment” and “stalking” thrown about with words like “criminal investigation.” Unfortunately, Riley has stepped into a new realm of life, with many more expectations. (We all go through this)

Here are these Jr. High kids, whose bodies and hormones are playing havoc on their minds and actions. Actions that can lead them into places they do not belong as of yet. Starting with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend games they start playing way too young.

I understand the School’s hard line on these issues. I support the discipline that our trained professionals may feel is necessary in order to keep order in a Jr. High School. And to allow each student an opportunity to learn without feeling they are in a hostile environment. Better a lesson best learned now, than in a job when you’re fired for creating a hostile work environment.

Getting to what I consider is the core issue here is learning to take the high road. As adults we know people will come into our lives and treat us poorly. Learning to take the high road and walk away, is the lesson my young son needs to learn now. And what we’ll be working towards getting across.

A special thank-you to Rachel, Dad and Paul, for helping me to step outside my battered wife past, and see this for what it is.

Love,

3T