I haven’t posted in ages, and felt the urge to write, so here I am.
Paul
Paul starts his 4th week of radiation therapy for the prostate cancer, and so far the side effects have been minimal. For those praying, please keep it up. I feel, and he feels, that prayers are carrying him. He’s still putting in as many hours as ever at work; this has not slowed him down externally. (Thank you, God!)

Riley
My just-graduated-from-6th-grade, 5’10”, shaving 12-year-old has started having dreams, in Instant Messaging text. Should I be concerned? Knock him off of that damn X-Box Live more often? He told me he woke up from a dream where he became the god of the cucumbers after he fought a big giant JK (which he informs me means “just kidding” in text messaging. Yes I knew this, but I didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought, as he layed out his “cool dream” for me.). The JK flashed before him and he accepted the challenge. He defeated the JK, which left him as the god of cucumbers. I’m summing up a dream he spent 20 minutes telling me about. Oh, and now, he’s thinking of writing a book about it. Hey, if it gets Riley practicing his writing, I’m not particular of the topic he chooses.

Tayler
The kids have finished up the school year with Tayler being accepted into advanced classes in Literature and Social Studies. She has a summer reading list, and the first book she chose was Whuthering Heights. We picked up two copies, and I’m going to read it with her, and have discussions about what we read each day.

Summer
We are putting both Tayler and Riley on a plane alone for the first time EVER. They want to go to Bible Camp with their cousins in Washington State, and have wanted this since we moved to Arizona. I’m more than a little neurotically concerned. But the desire to do this has been there for years, and I have kept putting them off. The “you’re too young” excuse is gone, and unless I can come up with a feasible reason not to.....

Paul is going to take a week off while they are away, and just plan an Arizona road trip for us to see more of this glorious desert state. This will be a relaxing trip for the two of us, and a chance to capture moments and nature on my camera.

Robby & Cheryl
The newlyweds have settled into their love nest in Gilbert. They have Tayler and Riley over practically one night every other weekend. The kids love their new sister-in-law, and she is awesome with them! Cheryl I know is the woman that Tayler looks up to. Or sees as someone whom she would like to emulate. Ten years ago, that might have bothered me; but I’m Mom, that’s my role. (And frankly, the least she’s like me, the better off her future will be, considering my many mistakes of youth.) Cheryl is beautiful, kind hearted, smart and got that damn college degree. My biggest regret and the one thing I want for my kids is the best start in life they can get. That degree is that start in my mind, and the end of my job as solely a parent. I have a tough time with wanting to relate to them as friends, and realizing I have to be a parent first. Tayler makes it tougher, because of just how responsible, confident and smart she is. I run the risk of allowing her to take on more than her age, no matter how smart she is, can handle.

Me
I’m in a funk. I don’t know if it’s because everything we did for months was building up to the kids’ wedding, and the family that came down from Washington, or...??? I’m so ruled by my emotions and lately I have felt a little emotionless. Just day-to-day living, possibly a little holding of the breath, until we knew how radiation was going to affect Paul.

My “rugrats,” as I affectionately referred to them for so long, are not rugrats any more. They are teenagers (or close to it) and becoming more self-sufficient by the day.

My husband works long hours in his job, and as our “Season” has ended here, we don’t have much going on that we have to attend. I don’t feel like I’m working towards anything right now. I feel a little lost, and not needed. I know that isn’t necessarily true; but as a beloved author once said, “feelings don’t know right from wrong, they just are.”

Right now we’re in a holding pattern until Paul’s radiation therapy is over. So without school activities to run back and forth to, no “work events” to attend and we’re not planning any big vacations this year, I’m not looking towards anything. I find myself antsy and my attention span short.

On top of this, Riley just popped his head into the computer room and asked me what my goals in life were. Ummm, hmmm. I stared at him blankly, and then he provided me with an out by saying, “you want to be a photographer don’t you?” OK? Yes! That’s it. I figure he will have intellectually passed me up by the end of Jr. High, if not sooner. I’d like to say that was a joke, but…

I’m hoping this latest emotionless-phase comes to an end soon. As well as this antsy, can’t sit still and concentrate phase.

I’m off to find out why my son, who doesn’t normally have any questions for me beyond what’s for dinner, asked me that out-of-no-where question.

Love,

3T