Let me start by saying, I realize my “typical blogger behavior” has changed over the last few months. I comment far less on the wonderful blogs in my blogroll, and make it around less often as well. This by no means is a reflection on my attitude towards the wonderful people behind each blogrolled blog. If you’re there, it’s cuz I love ya!

I’m aware I post less often than I have in the past as well. This has been out of a necessity to prioritize what’s going on in my day-to-day world, and has cut into my blogging time. Gone (for the time being) is my methodical descent down my blogroll, diligently reading each and everyone and commenting consistently.

So now I’m going to try and explain myself, even if it is only for my own benefit.

1. The kids’ schedules have been far more demanding than in the first year I started blogging. Both rugrats’ schedules were made up of new adjustments, with Tayler starting Jr. High School and Riley starting his first year of 5th grade, known for its over-abundance of homework. As well as the realization that Riley is ADD (a post in and of itself, coming soon) and working on getting him the proper treatment, so that he can succeed in school.

2. Medical problems that have been consuming, both for my handsome husband and myself. Dealing with his cancer and subsequent surgery, as well as some medical problems I have been having; as simple as this sounds, the doctors’ appts and decisions we make are not the only aspects eating up time and energy. The irony, which is not lost on either of us, is that the problems we are having are directly tied to our sense of masculinity and femininity respectively. Aka; prostate surgery and breast tumors.

3. My oldest and the break-up of him and his fiancee, again there are problems here that go far deeper than the canceling of their wedding.

4. My parents are having problems that I’m not at liberty to discuss here. The implications of these problems, again have far-reaching effects.

5. My husband’s job and the change in his title have us going out to events tied to his job every weekend (and weekdays) lately. Although this may sound fun, as far as putting on a ball gown and tux and snapping a few pictures, it has upset the balance of day-to-day and family life.

Now add household chores and upkeep, rugrat Birthday celebrations and the planning for Holidays. Couple that with the fact that I am indeed a neurotic control freak with an abundance of over-emotional energy. What you are left with is a perimenopausal, cranky broad, taking each responsibility one hour at a time.
Button lifted from Chelle-Belle.

And then I sit down to blog. The results are anything but desirable. I find my attitude toward blogging has slipped to anything but euphoric. I could dump all of my negative feelings here, and started to, with my post cussing out the doctor who gave me a less than definitive diagnostic result on the ultrasound. But then I have readers; distant family, who will read into the negative emotions I dump here, and make less than accurate assumptions regarding mine and my husband’s lives.(Although I remind myself that this is not my problem)

This is a good time to define what this blog (Stumbling/Grace) is. This is my personal diary, with the added flair of being open to the public. I’m not going to bother trying to explain the “whys” behind having a diary that is public, other then to say I have met some positively wonderful and close friends through blogging. I enjoy writing and trying to work out my thoughts and feelings through this medium, and getting others’ perspectives on different situations in life.

The flip side of the diary coin is that readers will not always see our lives in all it’s dimensions. Only what is put here. For example; if you’ve read this diary for any length of time, you realize I always make a big deal out of Birthdays. I love parties and the whole party attitude and celebrating the birth of those we care about is the perfect reason for a party or celebration! But after 22 mos. of blogging, you have yet to see a fuss about Kevin’s Birthday. WHY? He prefers it this way.

Long ago he made it clear that he does not want attention drawn to his Birthday. Some of his reasons I completely understand. Most people who blog, won’t understand. As we get older we run the risk of age discrimination, particularly in the workforce. I understand my husband’s concerns and I honor his wishes. Although this doesn’t mean I don’t make a complete fuss over him in our home and with our kids, you’re not going to learn this from reading Stumbling/Grace. This is just one example of reading a personal diary that doesn’t always present a complete picture.

Some of the photos I put here and in the flickr photo album may give another dimension that is not completely accurate. Often you’ll see a champagne glass in my hand or a cosmo glass. One photo I put up here for a guest post by Kevin, he was holding a Cosmo glass and the photo of myself during this time also was holding one. We had one drink between the two of us, and held the ONE glass for each picture. We don’t drink during the week, or even on every weekend. But when we are celebrating or socializing we may have a drink, or on occasion two, and during these occasions photos are taken. If you were to judge our life on our photos, you would think it was one big party, and you would be wrong.

I guess what I’m saying in a very round-about way, going up one side of it and down the other, is making judgments based solely upon a diary is not going to be accurate. A point that had me slightly disillusioned with this hobby. A point that after this post, I’m not going to bother to define again.

Another disillusionment has been with people out on the internet in general. OK, I’m going to get specific here. The “My-Space” bloggers. What is it with these people anyway? I consider myself pretty much computer illiterate, and even I know if you want an image to display you must (or should) download it and host it somewhere. You don’t copy and past it to your page and “steal” bandwidth to display it. And if you use one of the photos that I have taken, you should seek permission to use it. To “take” someone’s personal photos and then use that person’s bandwidth to display it, is more than stupid. I’m going to suggest that this group of people are in the moron category. I average at least two “My-Spacers” a week stealing bandwidth by using the images I display on this blog. And yes, I have even seen my personal photos taken and displayed as their own, WHILE stealing the bandwidth from this blog! Although the amount of bandwidth used is minimal, it is the principle of it that pisses me off!

OK, so here’s my point: With all that has been occurring in my day-to-day life that keeps challenging my sanity and time management, handling these irritations in blogging has just been too much. Possibly my attitude is less than stellar to begin with, but dealing with rude and self-centered people on the internet has taken the shine off of blogging right now.

We all deal with the indifference of other people in our lives. From rude to downright dangerous drivers on the road to the pissy cashier or school office receptionist, it’s constant and wears your attitude down. Coming here, where I have idealized the people behind the blogs, to only run across more of the same rude indifference and those unaware of anyone else’s boundaries other than their own, has had me coming here less.

This isn’t a reflection on ANYONE in my blogroll. I truly love each of you, and for many and varied reasons. I’m hoping that as pressure lets off from my personal life, my attitude will improve all around. As a person who tends to move within phases, I’m confident that eventually I’ll find the joy of blogging I once had. Until then, my TBB will be sporadic. Although I may not comment, it doesn’t mean I’m not lurking in the shadows on occasion, keeping up with all of the people I enjoy reading.

Love,

3T