I don’t have breast cancer; that I know of. And I won’t know for sure for over a month. According to Ira Blecker, M.D., the findings, after a mammogram, spot-compression-mammogram and ultrasound are; “two nodules in the upper outer quadrant. No suspicious calcifications or architectural distortion is seen. Left breast ultrasound was performed and demonstrates two hypoechoic smoothly marginated oval shaped nodules in the 11 o’clock position, 4- and 7-cm from the nipple measuring 1.2 x 1.0 x 1.3 cm and 1.0 x 0.7 x 1.0 cm respectively. No other solid or cystic masses are seen. There are no abnormal areas of shadowing.”

Impression: “There are two smoothly marginated hypoechoic nodules in the upper outer quadrant of the left breast, probably fibroadenoma; however, either followup left breast ultrasound in six-months or MRI scan is recommended.”

ASSESSMENT: “3 - Probably benign.”

Excuse me; Ira was it? “ PROBABLY BENIGN” ISN’T FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!  PARDON ME IF I SEEM RUDE OR PUSHY, BUT IN THIS DAY AND AGE, WHEN THEY PUSH MAMMOGRAMS FOR EARLY DETECTION, FOR BETTER SURVIVAL OUTCOME, “PROBABLY BENIGN” ISN’T QUITE SCIENTIFIC ENOUGH FOR MY TASTES! BETTER STILL, DEALING WITH A WOMAN DOCTOR, WHO ACTUALLY HAS A PAIR OF TITS, AND UNDERSTANDS THE IMPLICATIONS OF BREAST CANCER, WOULD BE BEST FOR EVERYONE CONCERNED. OK, ADMITTEDLY I’M ONLY CONCERNED; WITH MY FEELINGS ON THIS ISSUE! MAY I SUGGEST, IRA DEAR, THAT YOU TAKE A COURSE ON CREATIVE WRITING, OR IF THAT MAY BE TOO TIME CONSUMING, HOW TO WRITE A MEDICAL REPORT, THAT IS MORE SPECIFIC. CUZ FRANKLY IRA SWEETIE, DROPPING THE BALL FOR 6 FUCKING MONTHS, WELL, IT JUST ISN’T AN OPTION. TAKING INTO ACCOUNT MY FAMILY HISTORY OF BREAST CANCER, (MY MOTHER) THAT YES YOU KNOW ACCORDING TO MY MEDICAL CHART AND THE DISCHARGE FROM THE SAME BREAST, IT MIGHT WARRANT, MAYBEPOSSIBLY FURTHER INVESTIGATION? Just a thought Ira DEAR!

I’ve done the research, in fact it is all I have been doing since I received the results last week. I’ve consulted with my primary care doctor (who is thorough and a God send into our family. Since she’s the one who pushed further investigation, that led to finding Kevin’s prostate cancer.) who believes I need a little more invasive testing under all of the circumstances. Dr. Merzenich who is sending me to a specialist who only deals with breast health and has a stellar reputation. And is a WOMAN. And I have to tell you, of all my years in dealing with physicians, the best, the most thorough, professional physicians have ALWAYS been women hands down. Of course this is my humble opinion, but having no less than 4 BAD MALE doctors, who can only be described as fucking uncaring idiots with greatly irrational God complexes, I feel fairly qualified to make this judgment.

OK, yes when I think about the report, I become angry. And I have to tell you, after a day of not being able to do anything but cry, I prefer the anger.

I did so well after the first mammogram, I felt confident and fairly informed, knowing the majority of tumors ARE benign. I’ve read all the articles on breast cancer, had learned some from when my mother went though her ordeal of breast cancer and a double mastectomy. So I wasn’t panicked or overly dramatic about the whole issue. Frankly even after the second reports came down, I was only disillusioned. Mainly due to Ira’s rather unscientific and vague evaluation. Although the chances are small that these tumors are a malignancy, but are only benign fibroadenomas, leaving it to chance for 6 mos. just didn’t make sense to me. Six months of untreated malignancies could take it from a stage one to a stage two, or further. That isn’t a thought I’m comfortable with.

The more I studied fibroadenomas, the less they seemed like an open and shut case of classic fibroadenomas. My age as a factor? Fibroadenomas are mainly found in women in their 20’s and 30’s. Occasionally in young ladies in their teens. The minority are women above 40, for this type of tumor. I’m 43 for the record, and had no fibroadenomas on my last mammogram one and a half years ago.

Multiple fibroadenomas are not the norm either. Although it does happen, but only a small percentage(8-10% if you want to get specific) of the time. The research I studied also pointed to the fact that fibroadenomas and carcinomas features, can and do overlap. Taking into consideration that mammography cannot be used to distinguish a fibroadenoma, a cyst, and a carcinoma with certainty because of some overlap in the findings. ALL of the entities may appear as smooth masses. In the end of my crash course in breast cysts, tumors, lesions, calcifications, carcinomas and fiboradenomas the final consensus seemed to be that definitive diagnosis requires palpation- or image guided biopsy.

What I find as sad, is I had to go hunting for this information. Had I left myself to trust the doctor who wrote the report, I would not have known this. If you want to look on the positive side of things, I guess its good we live in the age of the internet, where this information is readily available.

What I also discovered in my crash course, is that in the state of Arizona, doctors do not have to be licensed in the reading of mammograms. A science that is so obviously not an exact science, can be interpreted by any physician, whether they are qualified to make these interpretations or not. These leads me to the conclusion, that if ANYTHING suspicious shows up on your mammogram it would behoove you to push for further testing! ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF BREAST CANCER.